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Thread: Such A Pretty Girl

  1. #1
    Member Miss Chola has a reputation beyond repute Miss Chola has a reputation beyond repute Miss Chola has a reputation beyond repute Miss Chola has a reputation beyond repute Miss Chola has a reputation beyond repute Miss Chola has a reputation beyond repute Miss Chola has a reputation beyond repute Miss Chola has a reputation beyond repute Miss Chola has a reputation beyond repute Miss Chola has a reputation beyond repute Miss Chola has a reputation beyond repute Miss Chola's Avatar
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    Default Such A Pretty Girl

    Such a pretty girl
    Why do you do this?
    You harm yourself
    You cut your wrists

    Such a pretty girl
    I don't get it
    Such a pretty girl
    Why do you do it?

    Such a pretty girl
    With the scars on her arms
    Such a pretty girl
    Shining like a star

  2. #2
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    This poem makes me feel kinda down for reasons I will not share but your poem's flow was a bit off. Out of all three stanzas, your third one was my favorite and even though I know you can do better and maybe add on to it a bit, its pretty decent.
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  3. #3
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    Quote Originally Posted by -Raiken- View Post
    This poem makes me feel kinda down for reasons I will not share but your poem's flow was a bit off. Out of all three stanzas, your third one was my favorite and even though I know you can do better and maybe add on to it a bit, its pretty decent.
    you're right, i can do better, but this was my most recent one. But thankies for the input =D

  4. #4
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ria La Llorona View Post
    you're right, i can do better, but this was my most recent one. But thankies for the input =D
    Oh its no problem =] writing my ideas about poetry in this section is one of my favorite things to do on this site so yea, your welcome.
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  5. #5
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    Cool

    It's average. It's kinda emo. But well expressed. It's a short poem. I really like the message. I also don't think the font colors go under the poetry forum rules. Anyway, it's kinda sad that the girl has lots of wound on her arms.
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    ok poem
    Just Your Friendly Neighborhood Wowzabunny

  7. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by otakudog!!! View Post
    It's average. It's kinda emo. But well expressed. It's a short poem. I really like the message. I also don't think the font colors go under the poetry forum rules. Anyway, it's kinda sad that the girl has lots of wound on her arms.
    well the girl i wrote it about is a cutter, and this particular poem means a lot to me because i really like this girl. =D but thankies for the input!!

  8. #8
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    Default

    yea, I agree with -Raiken-.
    I think it gets better as it goes on,
    and I think you can do better.


  9. #9
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    Default Re: Such A Pretty Girl

    The first stanza, which had initially caught my attention, was good. I didn't like the ending though because of the simple simile "shining like a star." Seemed sort of elementary, not trying to be mean or anything but it definitely has potential if you went back and edited a few things I think it would be way better.

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