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Thread: The Cogs of Dissonance

  1. #1
    The Poet Sword Tetsanosuke has a reputation beyond repute Tetsanosuke has a reputation beyond repute Tetsanosuke has a reputation beyond repute Tetsanosuke has a reputation beyond repute Tetsanosuke has a reputation beyond repute Tetsanosuke has a reputation beyond repute Tetsanosuke has a reputation beyond repute Tetsanosuke has a reputation beyond repute Tetsanosuke has a reputation beyond repute Tetsanosuke has a reputation beyond repute Tetsanosuke has a reputation beyond repute Tetsanosuke's Avatar
    Gil
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    Default The Cog of Dissonance

    I am the thorn in your side
    The blood your body musters,
    The heat of your heart
    When your red cells cluster

    I am the plague of the world
    The sinner of the saint
    The very dust of human trust
    Left in destiny's wake

    There isn't much I cannot be
    Metamorphic insanity
    Inside a cage of rusted gold
    Bleached in humanity

    Under your weary eyes
    And below your scorned heart,
    I am the pain of heartbreak
    When your trust splits apart

    I am the reason you are cold
    The fright inside the dark
    The eyes that glow so handsomely
    The burning desire that is stark

    All around in prism lights
    I am the setting sun-
    The star so bright, the paragon
    Of breathing as you run

    In your grasp and in your mind
    Never can you escape me,
    Never will I cease my chase
    Even if you rape me

    No matter how much you scorn-
    Or desire my voluptuous ways,
    I am the one with your heart
    I bring you that dreary haze

    Look around and you will see
    The very fabrics of my sight
    For I am the eyes of every man-
    Woman and child, in flight

    I am the echoes of voices high
    Inside this padded cell,
    I am the intense burning of
    The Father's burning hell

    I am the hunger and the notion,
    The distantly close commotion
    With little more and less a lot,
    The very zero divided quotient

    I laugh at all your madness
    I give you all your rain,
    I comfort you when you are sad
    Yet give you all this pain

    I wisp about in shadow forms
    Inside your childhood dreams,
    I become the anger, hatred and lust
    Bursting at your seams

    I give you a reason to live,
    And yet so many also to die-
    I give you so much to adore
    And yet I make it so shy

    I take your freedom for myself
    In exchange for liberty,
    I create such contradictions...
    For I am reality.
    Last edited by Tetsanosuke; 04-28-2009 at 02:45 PM. Reason: Name shift, small error


    Perhaps the world was never meant to make perfect sense.


  2. #2
    Senior Member Miss Electric Moonlight has a reputation beyond repute Miss Electric Moonlight has a reputation beyond repute Miss Electric Moonlight has a reputation beyond repute Miss Electric Moonlight has a reputation beyond repute Miss Electric Moonlight has a reputation beyond repute Miss Electric Moonlight has a reputation beyond repute Miss Electric Moonlight has a reputation beyond repute Miss Electric Moonlight has a reputation beyond repute Miss Electric Moonlight has a reputation beyond repute Miss Electric Moonlight has a reputation beyond repute Miss Electric Moonlight has a reputation beyond repute Miss Electric Moonlight's Avatar
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    Default

    Awesome poem, Tetsanosuke.

    I really like first and second parts, especially.

    Under your weary eyes
    And below your scorned heart,
    I am the pain of heartbreak
    When your trust splits apart
    This part describes heartache very well. And it's moving, I think.

    I wisp about in shadow forms
    Inside your childhood dreams,
    I become the anger, hatred and lust
    Bursting at your seams
    I also love the imagery in this part. It's very imaginative.

    :]
    Last edited by Miss Electric Moonlight; 05-01-2009 at 06:01 PM.
    @tumblr | @moonpixels | 月の光は愛のメッセージ

  3. #3
    Trojan.FlyStudio.I i_say_sabotage has a reputation beyond repute i_say_sabotage has a reputation beyond repute i_say_sabotage has a reputation beyond repute i_say_sabotage has a reputation beyond repute i_say_sabotage has a reputation beyond repute i_say_sabotage has a reputation beyond repute i_say_sabotage has a reputation beyond repute i_say_sabotage has a reputation beyond repute i_say_sabotage has a reputation beyond repute i_say_sabotage has a reputation beyond repute i_say_sabotage has a reputation beyond repute i_say_sabotage's Avatar
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    Default

    Ohh I love the rich description in this poem... Very nice... Although there were parts that the rhythm was off, it's nicely worded! I can almost imagine it like a moving painting (but don't ask me to describe that please! >_____<)


    It is hard to say there is a reason for being anywhere
    Even if you retrace your steps

  4. #4
    The Poet Sword Tetsanosuke has a reputation beyond repute Tetsanosuke has a reputation beyond repute Tetsanosuke has a reputation beyond repute Tetsanosuke has a reputation beyond repute Tetsanosuke has a reputation beyond repute Tetsanosuke has a reputation beyond repute Tetsanosuke has a reputation beyond repute Tetsanosuke has a reputation beyond repute Tetsanosuke has a reputation beyond repute Tetsanosuke has a reputation beyond repute Tetsanosuke has a reputation beyond repute Tetsanosuke's Avatar
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    Thank you Miss Moonlight for pointing out what you thought was awesome sauce. =D

    And yes Sabotage, I was more going for the rhyme scene, I wasn't paying particular attention to the rhythm.. But that's not really an issue considering I write this mostly out of emotional inspiration. It makes me wonder if people can relate, or see what it points out. I could have added MUCH more to make the message clearer, which is already subjective to different eyes. Thank you for the comment though. =D


    Perhaps the world was never meant to make perfect sense.


  5. #5
    Rising Falcon! Seņor Nobody has a reputation beyond repute Seņor Nobody has a reputation beyond repute Seņor Nobody has a reputation beyond repute Seņor Nobody has a reputation beyond repute Seņor Nobody has a reputation beyond repute Seņor Nobody has a reputation beyond repute Seņor Nobody has a reputation beyond repute Seņor Nobody has a reputation beyond repute Seņor Nobody has a reputation beyond repute Seņor Nobody has a reputation beyond repute Seņor Nobody has a reputation beyond repute Seņor Nobody's Avatar
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    My...

    This is probably the best poem I've ever read. Beautifully (sp?) worded and the imagery is amazing. I won't even give this a grade as it would be an insult.

    I look forward to your future work.
    I now know what hell sounds like; I recommend a tactical nuclear strike on my position. Tell my family I love them.

  6. #6
    The Poet Sword Tetsanosuke has a reputation beyond repute Tetsanosuke has a reputation beyond repute Tetsanosuke has a reputation beyond repute Tetsanosuke has a reputation beyond repute Tetsanosuke has a reputation beyond repute Tetsanosuke has a reputation beyond repute Tetsanosuke has a reputation beyond repute Tetsanosuke has a reputation beyond repute Tetsanosuke has a reputation beyond repute Tetsanosuke has a reputation beyond repute Tetsanosuke has a reputation beyond repute Tetsanosuke's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Itachi770 View Post
    My...

    This is probably the best poem I've ever read. Beautifully (sp?) worded and the imagery is amazing. I won't even give this a grade as it would be an insult.

    I look forward to your future work.
    Well thank you very much for those honorable words. If you'd like to see more I have a ton of it in my Blog, here on AF.

    Thank you again for your kind words, Itachi. =D


    Perhaps the world was never meant to make perfect sense.


  7. #7
    Rising Falcon! Seņor Nobody has a reputation beyond repute Seņor Nobody has a reputation beyond repute Seņor Nobody has a reputation beyond repute Seņor Nobody has a reputation beyond repute Seņor Nobody has a reputation beyond repute Seņor Nobody has a reputation beyond repute Seņor Nobody has a reputation beyond repute Seņor Nobody has a reputation beyond repute Seņor Nobody has a reputation beyond repute Seņor Nobody has a reputation beyond repute Seņor Nobody has a reputation beyond repute Seņor Nobody's Avatar
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    I would like that very much Tet, if I may call you that.

    Keep up the good work, I bettter be as with the next as I am with this. Else, I'll send my bird Willie (pronunced Willeh with emphasis on the 'h') to poo on you.

    Last edited by Seņor Nobody; 05-01-2009 at 05:14 PM.
    I now know what hell sounds like; I recommend a tactical nuclear strike on my position. Tell my family I love them.

  8. #8
    Senior Member ELR has a reputation beyond repute ELR has a reputation beyond repute ELR has a reputation beyond repute ELR has a reputation beyond repute ELR has a reputation beyond repute ELR has a reputation beyond repute ELR has a reputation beyond repute ELR has a reputation beyond repute ELR has a reputation beyond repute ELR has a reputation beyond repute ELR has a reputation beyond repute ELR's Avatar
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    Beautful and longer than normal poems I like, you discribe things in a way most wouldn't think of, rhyming your lines to fit what you sought to be a way to make others imaginize what you saw. Keep writing, friend, I know your work will be great and others would love to read it as well.
    I am no more a rose than I am its thorns.
    No more a gentle breeze than I am the hailing storm.
    I am no more hated than I am loved.
    And I am no more heartfilled than I am heartless.
    This is who I am.
    ~ELR

  9. #9
    The Poet Sword Tetsanosuke has a reputation beyond repute Tetsanosuke has a reputation beyond repute Tetsanosuke has a reputation beyond repute Tetsanosuke has a reputation beyond repute Tetsanosuke has a reputation beyond repute Tetsanosuke has a reputation beyond repute Tetsanosuke has a reputation beyond repute Tetsanosuke has a reputation beyond repute Tetsanosuke has a reputation beyond repute Tetsanosuke has a reputation beyond repute Tetsanosuke has a reputation beyond repute Tetsanosuke's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by blackwick View Post
    Beautful and longer than normal poems I like, you discribe things in a way most wouldn't think of, rhyming your lines to fit what you sought to be a way to make others imaginize what you saw. Keep writing, friend, I know your work will be great and others would love to read it as well.
    The funny thing is, I've been posting here for a while, not constantly, but still. Thank you for your commendation, and praise. I'm truly honored.


    Perhaps the world was never meant to make perfect sense.


  10. #10
    Simple Truth CrystalAce has a reputation beyond repute CrystalAce has a reputation beyond repute CrystalAce has a reputation beyond repute CrystalAce has a reputation beyond repute CrystalAce has a reputation beyond repute CrystalAce has a reputation beyond repute CrystalAce has a reputation beyond repute CrystalAce has a reputation beyond repute CrystalAce has a reputation beyond repute CrystalAce has a reputation beyond repute CrystalAce has a reputation beyond repute CrystalAce's Avatar
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    When I read your poem, the first time, I was completely lost in thoughts , but then as it finally came to an end, then realization came ...reality, huh?...well, it's is a very good and long poem, though I found some parts of the poem rather amusing like :
    • When your red cells cluster
    • The very zero divided quotient
    But, it was in overall, a deeply meaningful poem. Superb poem !
    "To do is to be" - Descartes, "To be is to do" - Voltaire, "Do be do be do" - Sinatra.

    NOTHING OUT OF THE ORDINARY

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