Hilarious and scary work and school related stories

[Rem Nightfall]

Like what?

I had this one guy come up to the desk once and ask, On the awesome scale how awesome is Mario Galaxy?
And in your mind you're like, oh wow an awesome scale. And then I just have to give him a straight face with an answer.

[Akihiko Yamamoto Hozagaki]

Funniest: I work at the zoo, and so many people ask me if the alligators are real because they don't move. I was getting so fed up with people asking me that one day. So a nice father comes up to the exhibit and is joking around with his kid, so I assume he understands a bit of sarcasm. Inevitably, he asks if the gators are real. I say, "Nope. You're paying for a zoo with fake animals". Thinking he would laugh and understand the joke, he flips out and yells "I want my money back dammit! What kind of zoo is this?!". I still don't know if he was joking or if he believed that a zoo has fake animals.

Scariest: When the chimpanzees get stressed out, the male tends to put on a violent display to back off people. Something that everyone forgets is that chimps are very smart and they know how to scare people. He started to yell very loudly and pound his fists on the exhibit. I immediately told everyone that they needed to back up, and everyone definitely agreed, except one man. He comes up to me and says, "I paid to come to this zoo, I want to see the chimps!". I try to explain to him calmly that this is the chimpanzees' home and they're feeling disturbed. He wouldn't listen and I started getting really angry. I started telling him that he's being disrespectful because unlike the chimps, he can run away, but they have no where to go. I told him that he has no idea what it feels like to be locked inside a cage. He then told me he once went to jail right in front of his very confused four year-old. In a furious rage, I told him that I didn't care and that I would call security if he didn't get out and pulled out my radio. He didn't believe my radio was real... until security came. That was one of the most empowering days of my life. Ironically, the male chimp began to calm down after he left.

[Rem Nightfall]

Now reminds me of what scared me once before at work. Opening boxes with the razors. One of my good pals sliced his hand pretty bad. It was just oozing blood. I mean I didn't panic, but it was like...oh crud muffins.

[Teddy2116]

The funniest day at work was when me and a couple of my friends were working on this house. So my friend is up in the attic throwing down boxes as me and my other friend was talking about the time he fell through the roof and onto a car. Just as he finished telling his story my friend fall half-way through the roof with his legs hanging. I was like "Yes i knew it was coming sooner or later". Even through it was funny we still had to fix the roof, oh well i had a good laugh lol

[NorthOfTime]

Id have to say the scarriest day of my life was when we were on the M2 .50cal range.. one of the other nameless soldiers showed up drunk, and getting more and more aggresive. The .50cal was mounted on a Humvee and had a rotating turret that no one decided to clamp down. So they actually let him fire and he gets up their with some support, by this point he is coherent but still not very happy. He messes up one of his shots and like within two seconds he goes from slightly angry to kill em all. The turret was half way around, before one of the other guys on the range butt stroked him in the face with his dummy rifle.. Very scary day. Pretty sure had we not brought dummy rifles most of us would be dead or in the hospital. So all you military wondering why we carry those darn things every were.. that's just one of many reasons.

I'm inebriated myself so this probably doesn't make very much sense