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Thread: Vocaloids - Hitobashira Alice

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    Default Vocaloids - Hitobashira Alice

    I wasn't going to do any Vocaloid songs, since I'm sure there are people around here who are much more into Vocaloids than I am. I only really like a couple of their songs (and even then I generally prefer when real people sing them). But the section's looking pretty sad and neglected, so I thought I might as well contribute something. It was blissfully easy compared to the Sound Horizon stuff I've been doing lately(ish), but I might still have made mistakes, so. Here goes!

    『あるところに、小さな夢がありました。だれが見たのかわからない、
    それは小さな夢でした。小さな夢は思いました。
    このまま消えていくのはいやだ。
    どうすれば、人に僕を見てもらえるだろう。
    小さな夢は考えて考えて、そしてついに思いつきました。
    人間を自分の中に迷い込ませて、世界を作らせればいいと。』

    "Aru tokoro ni, chiisa na yume ga arimashita. Dare ga mita no ka wakaranai,
    sore wa chiisa na yume deshita. Chiisa na yume wa omoimashita.
    Kono mama kiete iku no wa iya da.
    Dousureba, hito ni boku o mite moraeru darou.
    chiisa na yume wa kangaete kangaete, soshite tsui ni omoitsukimashita.
    Ningen o jibun no naka ni mayoikomasete, sekai o tsukurasereba ii to."

    "Somewhere, there was a tiny dream. Such a tiny dream it was
    No one knew who had dreamt it. The tiny dream began to think.
    'I don't want to disappear this way.
    How can I make people dream of me?'
    The tiny dream thought and thought, and then came up with an idea.
    'I'll make humans get lost in me, and let them create the world.'"

    一番目アリスは勇ましく剣を片手に、不思議の国。
    いろんなものを斬り捨てて、真っ赤な道を敷いていった。
    そんなアリスは、森の奥。
    罪人の様に閉じ込められて。
    森に出来た道以外に、彼女の生を知る術はなし。

    ichibanme ARISU wa isamashiku ken o katate ni, fushigi no kuni.
    ironna mono o kirisutete, makka na michi o shiite itta.
    sonna ARISU wa, mori no oku.
    tsumibito no you ni tojikomerarete.
    mori ni dekita michi igai ni, kanojo no sei o shiru sube wa nashi.

    The first Alice bravely entered Wonderland, sword in hand.
    Cutting down countless creatures, she left a bright red path in her wake.
    That Alice is in the forest,
    Locked away like a criminal. [1]
    Aside from the path she made in the forest, there is no sign that she existed.

    二番目アリスはおとなしく歌を歌って、不思議の国。
    いろんな音を溢れさせて、狂った世界を生み出した。
    そんなアリスは、薔薇の花。
    いかれた男に撃ち殺されて。
    真っ赤な花を一輪咲かせ皆に愛でられ枯れてゆく。

    nibanme ARISU wa otonashiku uta o utatte, fushigi no kuni.
    ironna oto o afuresasete, kurutta sekai o umidashita.
    sonna ARISU wa, bara no hana.
    ikareta otoko ni uchikorosarete.
    makka na hana o ichirin sakase minna ni mederare karete yuku.

    The second Alice meekly sang a song in Wonderland.
    Spreading out countless notes, he gave birth to a mad world.
    That Alice was a rose,
    Shot down by a madman.
    He makes one bright red flower bloom, and admired by all he withers.

    三番目アリスは幼い娘。綺麗な姿で、不思議の国。
    いろんな人を惑わせて、おかしな国を造りあげた。
    そんなアリスは、国の女王。
    歪な夢にとり憑かれて。
    朽ちゆく体に怯えながら、国の頂点に君臨する。

    sanbanme ARISU wa osanai ko. kirei na sugata de, fushigi no kuni.
    ironna hito o madowasete, okashi na kuni o tsukuriageta.
    sonna ARISU wa, kuni no joou.
    ibitsu na yume ni toritsukarete.
    kuchiyuku karada ni obienagara, kuni no chouten ni kunrin suru.

    The third Alice was a young girl, a beautiful figure in Wonderland.
    Deceiving countless people, she created a strange country.
    That Alice was the country's queen,
    Possessed by a warped dream.
    Fearing her decaying body, she ruled from the summit of the country.

    森の小道を辿ったり 薔薇の木の下でお茶会
    お城からの招待状は ハートのトランプ

    mori no komichi o tadottari bara no ki no shita de ochakai
    o-shiro kara no shoutaijou wa HAATO no TORANPU

    Following the small path through the forest, having tea beneath the rosebush
    The invitation card from the palace was the Ace of Hearts

    四番目アリスは双子の子。好奇心から不思議の国。
    いろんな扉を潜り抜けて、ついさっきやって来たばかり。
    気の強い姉と、賢い弟。
    一番アリスに近かったけど、
    二人の夢は、覚めないまま。不思議の国を彷徨った。

    yonbanme ARISU wa futago no ko. koukishin kara fushigi no kuni.
    ironna tobira o kugurinukete, tsuisakki yatte kita bakari.
    ki no tsuyoi ane to, kashikoi otouto.
    ichiban ARISU ni chikatta kedo,
    futari no yume wa, samenai mama. fushigi no kuni o samayotta.

    The fourth Alice was twin children, entering Wonderland out of curiosity.
    Passing through countless doors, they had only just recently come.
    A stubborn sister and an intelligent brother.
    They came the closest to being the true Alice, but...
    They won't wake from their dream. They're lost in Wonderland.

    [1] I know "tsumibito" is literally "sinner," but I've noticed that Japanese has a tendency to use "sin" and "crime" interchangeably, and personally I think the latter makes more sense here.
    Last edited by bluepenguin; 04-06-2009 at 12:20 AM.

  2. #2
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    I never like translating narrative songs... I mean, songs don't ever follow the syntax of prose which I'm not used to, and I would get less poetic licensing in my translation.

    Can't see any faults in your t/l so I'm just gonna comment on some little things...

    >だれが見たのかわからない、
    >それは小さな夢でした。
    >It was so tiny
    >That no one knew who had dreamt it.

    At first I was thinking why did you make it a cause-and-effect statement (literally they're separate) but the problem here is that you put "no one" as a subject when it's not really mentioned there. And yes, I realise that I'm literal when I discuss lyrics with people.
    Such a small dream
    It was unclear as to who had dreamt of it

    which sounds less impressive.

    >真っ赤な道を敷いていった。
    >she laid out a path in bright red.

    'itta' here indicates that she has somewhat gone and left it and not built it actively.
    She left a trail of deep-red in her wake.

    >いろんな音を溢れさせて、狂った世界を生み出した。
    >Making countless sounds overflow, he gave birth to a world gone mad.

    Since she sang songs, and the latter part of the stanza has the nuance that what she did was good and her death was undesirable, the 'sounds' are more of the pleasant type.
    Spreading out her different notes, she gave birth to a mad world.
    ...yes I love that Gary Jules song.

    >お城からの招待状は ハートのトランプ
    >The invitation from the palace was the Ace of Hearts

    The invitation card from the palace was the Ace of Hearts
    Last edited by AzureDark; 04-04-2009 at 01:02 AM.

    祝! 『禁断の病棟』 アニメ化!

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    I know "no one" isn't literally in there, but like you said, "it was unclear who had dreamt it" sounds less impressive. I had a very hard time deciding how to phrase that line and eventually settled on the less literal but nicer-sounding version. I'll take out the cause/effect thing, though.

    Anyway, thanks! As always, I appreciate your suggestions.

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    >真っ赤な花を一輪咲かせ皆に愛でられ枯れてゆく。
    >One bright red flower blooms and withers, admired by all.

    「~を~咲かせ(る)」 takes the second Alice here. As in, "She (makes) one bright red flower bloom...". If the flower were the subject, the line should be 「真っ赤な花...」.

    On a side note, I've seen most MADs interprets the red flower as the bullet wound on Alice's heart.

    -> He grows one bright red flower, and admired by all he withers

    >一番アリスに近かったけど、
    >They drew near to the first Alice, but...
    I disagree here, on the basis that experience tells me that the "一番" in 「一番~(だった)けど」 is almost always used to mean "(He/She/It) was the most ~, but ~". Your interpretation is possible, but it seems to me unlikely.

    -> They were the closest [ones] to [being the true] Alice, but
    Last edited by Datenshi; 04-05-2009 at 09:36 PM.
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    Ahh, thanks -- you're probably right about both of those. Careless mistakes on my part.

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