the ballad of a broken heart

[♫mëkÅ-chan♫]

im sorry i wasn't happy enough for you
im sorry that i let you slip from my fingers
your doubt in our union never halted me
but your trust in another did
she could cheer you up when i could not
she could touch you when i could not
she could love you physically and mentally when i could not
curse the distant between us
i wish it where pangea all over again
maybe i could travel to you in a day
and see you to give you the love you would had wanted from me someday
i could tell you cared
i could tell you wanted to have me
however doubt struck you hard
and killed my spirits to meet you
depression is what brought me to seal you in a prison of sadness
you want to breathe
you wanted me to say silly things
and give you silly pet names again
i could not do that so the other did
she made you feel like you use to
and the distant between was not so far
im sorry i couldn't make you happy
this is my fault for losing you
if i really loved you i would work my butt off to travel
across the land to see you
i did nothing but sulk
look where it got me
hating the one who cares you now
hating her for reasons that i should hate myself for
the world is cruel
but the heart is more than so
the mind the accomplise
that helps you remember this strife
the ballad of a broken heart
is just enough
to make me cry

[polaris 北極星]

i can empathize with u on this one. sometimes resolve can be a painful experience. i hope u take yours in stride.


oh and..... great poem

[*Tsuki*]

Ah jeez, that's very depressing. I liked it, but at some points I was kind of confused because it seemed as though, either words were missing, or the wrong word was in its place. I think it would be better if you separated some of the lines so they aren't so long, but all in all, I liked it. ^^ continue writing, and you'll be really good. *Tsuki*

[polaris 北極星]

Ah jeez, that's very depressing. I liked it, but at some points I was kind of confused because it seemed as though, either words were missing, or the wrong word was in its place. I think it would be better if you separated some of the lines so they aren't so long, but all in all, I liked it. ^^ continue writing, and you'll be really good. *Tsuki*

it seems to me that this piece was written as an outpouring of emotions more than something that is supposed to have some kind of format in mind (please correct me ♫mëkÅ-chan♫ if im wrong) art imitates life... and being that life can be chaotic and at times without rhyme or reason; i would consider this poem, considering the artist's circumstances (assuming it was inteneded to be in first-person) a great example.

[♫mëkÅ-chan♫]

:o sorry if it is confusing
it was like polaris1 observed an outpour of emotions
>//< i put it in poem format
so it's like really confusing and emotion
and yes spoke in first person

[TheDesertFox]

Its a great poem and I really liked it.

[Tetsanosuke]

I can see and respect the out-pour, but that doesn't mean a work can't be cultivated and refined. I can sympathize with you, very much so.

If you'd like to take it to a more.. How can I say, refined level I suggest cutting it into stanzas. I'm more of a Rhyme and Rhythm man, but it doesn't mean I abhor free-writing. I just don't get so much from it usually. @_@

So a little bit of polishing can give it that refined look. If you're not planning on taking it any further, then it seems fine as is (Spelling mistakes included, now that I'm thinking they can represent a part of that 'out-pour'. Perhaps that's too modern of a concept. x3 )

[*Tsuki*]

it seems to me that this piece was written as an outpouring of emotions more than something that is supposed to have some kind of format in mind (please correct me ♫mëkÅ-chan♫ if im wrong) art imitates life... and being that life can be chaotic and at times without rhyme or reason; i would consider this poem, considering the artist's circumstances (assuming it was inteneded to be in first-person) a great example.

*nods* yea, I understand. It just seemed that if it was, as Tetsanosuke said, "refined" more it would give a lot more meaning to the poem. Or, well, I don't know. *scratches head* I mean, I liked it, don't get me wrong, and I understand the outpour of emotions, because I do that too, it just . . . didn't get to me as much as I know it would have it it was a bit more . . . organized.. . It's great how it is, but I think it could be even greater if more thought was put into it by going back over it . . . but, even it that not done, it's still quite nice and yea . . . I'm not good with words or explaining what I think, but I saying how I feel, think this poem got the message across quite well, and it could be magnificent. Or . . . well . . . yea. I hope you understand my confusing thinking. >.

[polaris 北極星]

*nods* yea, I understand. It just seemed that if it was, as Tetsanosuke said, "refined" more it would give a lot more meaning to the poem. Or, well, I don't know. *scratches head* I mean, I liked it, don't get me wrong, and I understand the outpour of emotions, because I do that too, it just . . . didn't get to me as much as I know it would have it it was a bit more . . . organized.. . It's great how it is, but I think it could be even greater if more thought was put into it by going back over it . . . but, even it that not done, it's still quite nice and yea . . . I'm not good with words or explaining what I think, but I saying how I feel, think this poem got the message across quite well, and it could be magnificent. Or . . . well . . . yea. I hope you understand my confusing thinking. >.

Please dont think i was trying to go against your interpretation of this piece. I was just calling it how i see it (one of my attributes id like to think)
Art is subjective, so the ways to interpret it are without limit.

[Magical Soul]

Wow i feel on the same lines....Wow...Nice...

[♫mëkÅ-chan♫]

i understand everyone's perspective of it >__<
i should most likely do a remake and clean it up much better
some poems don't rhyme and most of mine dont (lol)
<_< maybe in the refined one there will be more rhyming going on

[*Tsuki*]

heh, well, mine never rhyme. I stink at rhyming. ^^;; Just do what you think is best, and it will be terrific anyway you look at it.
@polaris1: I completely agree. ^^

[Tetsanosuke]

Please dont think i was trying to go against your interpretation of this piece. I was just calling it how i see it (one of my attributes id like to think)
Art is subjective, so the ways to interpret it are without limit.

Just as life (reality thereof) is subjective and yet every one has to acknowledge certain parts of it to fully function in society, and to function in life in general.

Just as cultures vary in a persons life, so do styles of poetry, but even so there is a line where cultures share certain values (usually), and in that sense it is also true to poetry.

But I agree with you, and like the fact you used a fun word like 'Subjective' right.

i understand everyone's perspective of it >__<
i should most likely do a remake and clean it up much better
some poems don't rhyme and most of mine dont (lol)
<_< maybe in the refined one there will be more rhyming going on

That's understandable.I enjoy a clear rhyme scheme or rhythm method, but that doesn't mean you necessarily have to abide by it.

As for my advice on using rhymes, it's best to use them in a scheme or some sort throughout the poem and not just throw in a few randomly. That's just my ideology

heh, well, mine never rhyme. I stink at rhyming. ^^;; Just do what you think is best, and it will be terrific anyway you look at it.
@polaris1: I completely agree. ^^

W00t for liberal expression! xDDD

[darkrider21]

Il waite for you plays in my head.makes me wish that I were dead.a girl lays 6feet deap who made my heart leap.I miss her smile I miss her touch.a love so gone it hurts much.a frozen heart cannot beat until the day we will meat
r.i.p Xee

[Suzume]

Awesome poem!!!

[Princess Cupcake]

Besides the mechanical errors, it was good overall. I have to applaud one line in particular "i wish it [were] pangea all over again." I'm glad that you used it as a reference to support the poem's theme of separation.