I made this story today. Thought up the concept as I was taking my shower. I got shampoo in my eyes LOL. Anyways I would like some reviews. I can't really explain unless it's in the story but I will explain the apperance of the main characters better in chp 2 and I will establish a form of writing ex. 1st person but expect 3rd person. also I made this in a hurry so expect Chp 2 to be better.
"...your...Soul it's...interesting. The best way to describe it is
probably a castle with only it's mourning prince within. While on
the outside it is beautiful on the inside it is sad and deserted no
hope, no dread no nothing. Just sadness. What kind of past have you
had young one. What has happened to you" The old woman whispered.
She wore no footwear her feet were hard looking and scarred heavily
as if she had walked through a field of swords. she wore a once
long dress that had obviously seen better days as it only reached
to her knees which like her kness were also scarred. Her hands were
bony but looked delicate as did her face. Her hair was as wispy and
gray as dying leaves but her face was not very lined as if that was
the only part of her that had stayed the same. She held Zophien's
in both of hers. She kissed the back of it and turned her back on
him "The entire kingdom waits for your return....Kaitou Emperor."
She whispered and she burst into a large amount of White lily
petals that were blown away by the breeze.
"Come back here! Your worthless rotten shijim(1) I'll cut you open
and leave you for the Rockis(2)" The shopkeeper screamed from his
stall, he was shaking his fist in the direction of Zophous. "Yeah
yeah whatever you old geezer! We all know, ya love us! Stop playing
the jukil(3)" Zophous shouted over his shoulder as he shoved a
honeybun into his mouth with his right hand. His left arm was
hugged up to his chest and was fulled with at least seven of the
shop-keep's signature bakery treat. The children's laughter carried
all through the market, loud and fun filled. That was before the
incident though, things had changed since then, like the death of
"Hey guys, were back. Who wants some honey buns?" Zophous asked he
heard the cheers as the swarm of 3 year olds all grabbed one honey
bun. He was left with two honey buns and a sticky forearm. He
ripped one of them into fifths and handed it out to the children.
He passed the last one to his companion and licked it off his palms
and fingers. "Hey Mister Emperor" One of the children was pulling
on his over sized tunic that reached down to his knees. "Hmm" he
muttered as he leaned his head back and popped two pills into his
mouth. "I think Deria is sick" the little boy whispered. His hair
was long, matted and dirty. The dirt practically turned it from
silver to brown. Zophous swallowed and cracked open his left eye,
the wave of sweet sweet relaxation was crashing over him like the
sea. The child was on the ground foaming at the mouth and rolling
around. "**** the brat must be having a seizure but god I can't move. Wait
no I gotta save him" He was struggling to think straight and kept
losing himself in the irresistible feeling of bliss that the drugs
were causing. "Put em in the lake for me will ya Zora" He whispered
as he fell into a deep sleep, that was the effect of the drug. The
drug called the Mist Bringer.
1. Well I can't explain why they use such strange language. But it means more or less a rat.
2. Same as above. Giant Black birds that drink and devour blood and flesh.
3. It means Godly being who hates those who do bad things.