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Thread: The World's Wounds

  1. #1
    Member NightL is infamous around these parts NightL is infamous around these parts NightL is infamous around these parts NightL is infamous around these parts NightL is infamous around these parts NightL is infamous around these parts NightL is infamous around these parts NightL is infamous around these parts NightL is infamous around these parts NightL is infamous around these parts NightL is infamous around these parts NightL's Avatar
    Gil
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    Default The World's Wounds

    I guess this is my first poem I made. Was sitting around, decided to make a poem regarding the world's conflicts. A bit short, but I tried my best and here are the results:

    The world desires a tommorow,
    Yet people still die each day,
    Fighting against their prey,
    And they, then drown in their own sorrow.

    People search for peace,
    The thing that can only be gained,
    When we can remain sustained,
    But that would still take time to cease.

    When the world's wounds will be mended,
    People will start to celebrate,
    With their friends they will commemorate,
    That would be great if it never ended.

    -Night
    Last edited by NightL; 03-05-2009 at 10:38 PM.
    Unofficially quit Anime Forums on March 6th, 2009.
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  2. #2
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    Gil
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    Default

    There is a flow in a poem which was missing but keep that aside , your poem had a awareness in it and a thought which made me want to forget the faults which it was having.
    Its really a thoughtful poem , and i liked it.
    Hope you keep writing your stuffs.
    wish me luck for furture guys!!!!
    Thanks for everything!!!
    ^___^

  3. #3
    Member NightL is infamous around these parts NightL is infamous around these parts NightL is infamous around these parts NightL is infamous around these parts NightL is infamous around these parts NightL is infamous around these parts NightL is infamous around these parts NightL is infamous around these parts NightL is infamous around these parts NightL is infamous around these parts NightL is infamous around these parts NightL's Avatar
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    Wow, thanks alot for the critisicm and comments. I appreciate it. =D
    Unofficially quit Anime Forums on March 6th, 2009.
    "Live Life Happily..."

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    Default

    Hmm . . . Yea. Very interesting. I'm not sure exactly, but it seemed to be better in the beggining. I could follow it better, and it made sense, but the towards the end it got shaky and harder to understand. I'm not sure why. But, keep writing and you'll be sure to get better. ^_^


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