El Siervo

[WinterDream]

El siervo

He's always taking your command,
Always calm,silent when he talks,
He's taking the coat out of your hand,
In the light,it's his shoes that sparks.

He's standing there,waiting for your need,
Attentive,he listens to your word,
He will respond them with appropriate deeds,
As to him,you're equal to the lord.

He fullfills all that you want,
He's always obeing your hand's sign,
He shows his feelings not on your land,
He walks directly on your line.

Wave a hand,he will be there,
He listents and offer help in silent mode,
He lights your way with a flare,
He follow your demand and flattens your road.

[SigmaSD]

Well I'm reading this, and I have to say that it does rhyme, but I got confused in the middle. I don't understand what you wanted to say with the last line on the second stanza. Oh and you used the word "his" twice in the first stanza, last line. But other than that, I thought the poem was great. The imagery really depicts the gentlemanly nature of the person. I also liked the title as well. But do you even know what a "siervo" is?

[*Tsuki*]

Hmm . . . Interesting. There were some spelling errors, it was hard to understand if you were trying to rhyme or not at some points, but when it did, I liked it. I thought the ending was better than the beginning, but overall I thought it was nice. Keep writing cuz I liked it. ^_^

[WinterDream]

Fixed the "his" and lord in the meaning of god,thanks for the comments.

*kisses to sal*

[Teddie]

Hey! This is really good. You even managed to put spanish. haha.
Muy bIEn. :]