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Thread: El Siervo

  1. #1
    Manic Shot WinterDream has a reputation beyond repute WinterDream has a reputation beyond repute WinterDream has a reputation beyond repute WinterDream has a reputation beyond repute WinterDream has a reputation beyond repute WinterDream has a reputation beyond repute WinterDream has a reputation beyond repute WinterDream has a reputation beyond repute WinterDream has a reputation beyond repute WinterDream has a reputation beyond repute WinterDream has a reputation beyond repute WinterDream's Avatar
    Gil
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    Default El Siervo

    El siervo

    He's always taking your command,
    Always calm,silent when he talks,
    He's taking the coat out of your hand,
    In the light,it's his shoes that sparks.

    He's standing there,waiting for your need,
    Attentive,he listens to your word,
    He will respond them with appropriate deeds,
    As to him,you're equal to the lord.

    He fullfills all that you want,
    He's always obeing your hand's sign,
    He shows his feelings not on your land,
    He walks directly on your line.

    Wave a hand,he will be there,
    He listents and offer help in silent mode,
    He lights your way with a flare,
    He follow your demand and flattens your road.
    Last edited by WinterDream; 02-22-2009 at 02:59 PM.
    You call it madness, but I call it love.(Byas)


  2. #2
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    Default

    Well I'm reading this, and I have to say that it does rhyme, but I got confused in the middle. I don't understand what you wanted to say with the last line on the second stanza. Oh and you used the word "his" twice in the first stanza, last line. But other than that, I thought the poem was great. The imagery really depicts the gentlemanly nature of the person. I also liked the title as well. But do you even know what a "siervo" is?
    If Minecraft had a Japanese intro.

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  3. #3
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    Hmm . . . Interesting. There were some spelling errors, it was hard to understand if you were trying to rhyme or not at some points, but when it did, I liked it. I thought the ending was better than the beginning, but overall I thought it was nice. Keep writing cuz I liked it. ^_^
    Last edited by Tsuki.; 02-22-2009 at 03:00 PM.


  4. #4
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    Default

    Fixed the "his" and lord in the meaning of god,thanks for the comments.

    *kisses to sal*
    You call it madness, but I call it love.(Byas)


  5. #5
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    Default

    Hey! This is really good. You even managed to put spanish. haha.
    Muy bIEn. :]
    Quote of the week:
    "Little things affect little minds."


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