AnimeGalleries [dot] NetAnimeWallpapers [dot] ComAnimeLyrics [dot] ComAnimePedia [dot] ComAnimeGlobe [dot] Com


User Tag List

+ Reply to Thread
Results 1 to 9 of 9

Thread: Goodbye

  1. #1
    つき *Tsuki* has a reputation beyond repute *Tsuki* has a reputation beyond repute *Tsuki* has a reputation beyond repute *Tsuki* has a reputation beyond repute *Tsuki* has a reputation beyond repute *Tsuki* has a reputation beyond repute *Tsuki* has a reputation beyond repute *Tsuki* has a reputation beyond repute *Tsuki* has a reputation beyond repute *Tsuki* has a reputation beyond repute *Tsuki* has a reputation beyond repute *Tsuki*'s Avatar
    Gil
    990,970,312.51
    Gender
    Gifts 001 - Bulbasaur Cowboy Hat Dr Who Tardis
    Mentioned
    89 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Latest Post
    01-30-2021 04:30 PM
    User Info Thanks / Tagging Info Gifts / Achievements / Awards vBActivity Stats
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    Age
    28
    Threads
    116
    Posts
    3,770
    Blog Entries
    66
    Rep Power
    4310

    Default Goodbye

    um, I've been working on this one for a couple days, but can't seem to really move forward. so, tell me whatcha think.

    Goodbye

    It's better this way,
    though you beg me to stay.
    Still I must go,
    though it hurts so.

    Acid tears and sad melodies,
    become my life,
    but that's all right,
    as long as you're safe,
    away from me.

    Even though it hurts in my chest,
    Still, I will wait, through all the rest.
    Even though these tears burn my cheek,
    Still, I will fight, never be weak.

    I watched as my fingers
    slipped from your grip,
    And as they dragged you away.
    You fought so hard,
    to stay with me,
    but still it wasn't enough.

    I don't want to hurt you,
    on my finger I chew.
    So you don't have to see,
    the monster I will be.

    Break my ties with the outside world,
    Before I become a monster.
    All bent up, cruel,
    and hurtful.

    These chains that bind me to the wall,
    Hurt, but I want to save you all.
    Soon you will be out of my sight,
    But I know that you will still fight.

    These tears still burn,
    but that's okay,
    I love you,
    I'm sorry,
    goodbye.
    Last edited by *Tsuki*; 01-25-2009 at 09:16 PM.

  2. #2
    Nanobyte's minion SigmaSD has a reputation beyond repute SigmaSD has a reputation beyond repute SigmaSD has a reputation beyond repute SigmaSD has a reputation beyond repute SigmaSD has a reputation beyond repute SigmaSD has a reputation beyond repute SigmaSD has a reputation beyond repute SigmaSD has a reputation beyond repute SigmaSD has a reputation beyond repute SigmaSD has a reputation beyond repute SigmaSD has a reputation beyond repute SigmaSD's Avatar
    Gil
    87,964.34
    Gender
    My Mood
    Sleepy
    Gifts Luna Cake Lie Soras Keyblade
    Mentioned
    82 Post(s)
    Tagged
    1 Thread(s)
    Latest Post
    04-20-2017 06:47 AM
    User Info Thanks / Tagging Info Gifts / Achievements / Awards vBActivity Stats
    Join Date
    Oct 2008
    Location
    In your dreams. =0
    Threads
    149
    Posts
    5,980
    Blog Entries
    119
    Rep Power
    6157
    Gamer IDs

    Wii Code: 1596-5790-7816-3407

    Default

    That's was pretty good. The beggining was a bit shaky, but it got better as the poem progressed. My favorite stanza is the last on though. I think the intro needs work, it just doesn't lead well into the poem. I was examining the poem, and I really think the last sentence of the second stanza would sound better if you said "away from me" instead of just "from me".

  3. #3
    つき *Tsuki* has a reputation beyond repute *Tsuki* has a reputation beyond repute *Tsuki* has a reputation beyond repute *Tsuki* has a reputation beyond repute *Tsuki* has a reputation beyond repute *Tsuki* has a reputation beyond repute *Tsuki* has a reputation beyond repute *Tsuki* has a reputation beyond repute *Tsuki* has a reputation beyond repute *Tsuki* has a reputation beyond repute *Tsuki* has a reputation beyond repute *Tsuki*'s Avatar
    Gil
    990,970,312.51
    Gender
    Gifts 001 - Bulbasaur Cowboy Hat Dr Who Tardis
    Mentioned
    89 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Latest Post
    01-30-2021 04:30 PM
    User Info Thanks / Tagging Info Gifts / Achievements / Awards vBActivity Stats
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    Age
    28
    Threads
    116
    Posts
    3,770
    Blog Entries
    66
    Rep Power
    4310

    Default

    ^.^ it's always the intros I have issues with. I'll work on it.

    yea, that does sound better.

    okay, thanks Sigma. ^_^

  4. #4
    Member TacticianMark has a reputation beyond repute TacticianMark has a reputation beyond repute TacticianMark has a reputation beyond repute TacticianMark has a reputation beyond repute TacticianMark has a reputation beyond repute TacticianMark has a reputation beyond repute TacticianMark has a reputation beyond repute TacticianMark has a reputation beyond repute TacticianMark has a reputation beyond repute TacticianMark has a reputation beyond repute TacticianMark has a reputation beyond repute TacticianMark's Avatar
    Gil
    840.00
    Gender
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Latest Post
    02-21-2009 08:28 PM
    User Info Thanks / Tagging Info Gifts / Achievements / Awards vBActivity Stats
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    Threads
    5
    Posts
    42
    Rep Power
    0

    Default

    Wow... that's a really good poem.the first half is really good, but I like the last half better though. There's something about it that gets me...
    "Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright before you hear them speak."


  5. #5
    つき *Tsuki* has a reputation beyond repute *Tsuki* has a reputation beyond repute *Tsuki* has a reputation beyond repute *Tsuki* has a reputation beyond repute *Tsuki* has a reputation beyond repute *Tsuki* has a reputation beyond repute *Tsuki* has a reputation beyond repute *Tsuki* has a reputation beyond repute *Tsuki* has a reputation beyond repute *Tsuki* has a reputation beyond repute *Tsuki* has a reputation beyond repute *Tsuki*'s Avatar
    Gil
    990,970,312.51
    Gender
    Gifts 001 - Bulbasaur Cowboy Hat Dr Who Tardis
    Mentioned
    89 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Latest Post
    01-30-2021 04:30 PM
    User Info Thanks / Tagging Info Gifts / Achievements / Awards vBActivity Stats
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    Age
    28
    Threads
    116
    Posts
    3,770
    Blog Entries
    66
    Rep Power
    4310

    Default

    yea, I'm not as good on the beginning.

  6. #6
    Senior Member DarkMoonPrince has a reputation beyond repute DarkMoonPrince has a reputation beyond repute DarkMoonPrince has a reputation beyond repute DarkMoonPrince has a reputation beyond repute DarkMoonPrince has a reputation beyond repute DarkMoonPrince has a reputation beyond repute DarkMoonPrince has a reputation beyond repute DarkMoonPrince has a reputation beyond repute DarkMoonPrince has a reputation beyond repute DarkMoonPrince has a reputation beyond repute DarkMoonPrince has a reputation beyond repute DarkMoonPrince's Avatar
    Gil
    999,999,999,998.89
    Gender
    My Mood
    Bored
    Gifts Heart Carrot Chilled Monkey Brains
    Mentioned
    8 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Latest Post
    06-12-2013 03:50 PM
    User Info Thanks / Tagging Info Gifts / Achievements / Awards vBActivity Stats
    Join Date
    Nov 2004
    Location
    Unknown
    Age
    36
    Threads
    13
    Posts
    2,704
    Rep Power
    5745

    Default

    It was pretty good, was it supposed to be like- rhyme then no rhyme, rhyme then no rhyme type of poem, either way, Keep up the good work.

  7. #7
    Visage Necro'lic Enigma has a reputation beyond repute Necro'lic Enigma has a reputation beyond repute Necro'lic Enigma has a reputation beyond repute Necro'lic Enigma has a reputation beyond repute Necro'lic Enigma has a reputation beyond repute Necro'lic Enigma has a reputation beyond repute Necro'lic Enigma has a reputation beyond repute Necro'lic Enigma has a reputation beyond repute Necro'lic Enigma has a reputation beyond repute Necro'lic Enigma has a reputation beyond repute Necro'lic Enigma has a reputation beyond repute Necro'lic Enigma's Avatar
    Gil
    36,320.00
    Gender
    Mentioned
    0 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Latest Post
    12-28-2009 05:11 PM
    User Info Thanks / Tagging Info Gifts / Achievements / Awards vBActivity Stats
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    Location
    In a house made of 10 years game xx
    Age
    35
    Threads
    16
    Posts
    1,815
    Rep Power
    0

    Default

    I am gonna call you "Suki"
    come back to your poem , i was hooked by the name of it. Goodbye itself has so many meanings....and you did a nice job. Keep on trying you will get better and better.
    The atmosphere of it was nice. Feels like souls flying around me....
    wish me luck for furture guys!!!!
    Thanks for everything!!!
    ^___^

  8. #8
    Senior Member Anime Forum has a reputation beyond repute Anime Forum has a reputation beyond repute Anime Forum has a reputation beyond repute Anime Forum has a reputation beyond repute Anime Forum has a reputation beyond repute Anime Forum has a reputation beyond repute Anime Forum has a reputation beyond repute Anime Forum has a reputation beyond repute Anime Forum has a reputation beyond repute Anime Forum has a reputation beyond repute Anime Forum has a reputation beyond repute Anime Forum's Avatar
    Gil
    90,394.20
    Gender
    Gifts Orange Dango Potato Fuuko Starfish
    Mentioned
    376 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Latest Post
    10-04-2022 08:14 PM
    User Info Thanks / Tagging Info Gifts / Achievements / Awards vBActivity Stats
    Join Date
    Dec 2006
    Age
    31
    Threads
    503
    Posts
    9,472
    Blog Entries
    106
    Rep Power
    8276

    Default

    Don't worry about it. I always stink at the start of different things. Anyways, nice poem. The ending of the poem was better, but I still liked the first half. Overall, a decent poem.

    Rating - 7/10
    Nonon Jakuzure - Best Kill la Kill bae
    Ota "The Cutest Otaku" 2016 - Lol, how's your account doing lately? Oh wait.
    Pretty damn great! #spoke2soon

  9. #9
    つき *Tsuki* has a reputation beyond repute *Tsuki* has a reputation beyond repute *Tsuki* has a reputation beyond repute *Tsuki* has a reputation beyond repute *Tsuki* has a reputation beyond repute *Tsuki* has a reputation beyond repute *Tsuki* has a reputation beyond repute *Tsuki* has a reputation beyond repute *Tsuki* has a reputation beyond repute *Tsuki* has a reputation beyond repute *Tsuki* has a reputation beyond repute *Tsuki*'s Avatar
    Gil
    990,970,312.51
    Gender
    Gifts 001 - Bulbasaur Cowboy Hat Dr Who Tardis
    Mentioned
    89 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Latest Post
    01-30-2021 04:30 PM
    User Info Thanks / Tagging Info Gifts / Achievements / Awards vBActivity Stats
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    Age
    28
    Threads
    116
    Posts
    3,770
    Blog Entries
    66
    Rep Power
    4310

    Default

    @ DarkMoon Prince: Yea, that's what I was trying to do, but I'm terrible at rhyming, and it was quite hard for me to do.

    @Silent Madness: That's okay with me. and thanks again. I'll continue trying to get better. ^_^

    @-Raiken-: Hey, you read my poem! =D It's been a while since I've heard from you . . . thanks.

+ Reply to Thread

Thread Information

Users Browsing this Thread

There are currently 1 users browsing this thread. (0 members and 1 guests)

     

Similar Threads

  1. Goodbye AF
    By pyrothunder336 in forum Introductions
    Replies: 19
    Last Post: 08-11-2006, 12:29 PM
  2. Goodbye AF...
    By princesslea in forum Introductions
    Replies: 27
    Last Post: 08-05-2005, 09:29 PM

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts