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Thread: Sound Horizon - ERU no Rakuen [side:E]

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    Default Sound Horizon - ERU no Rakuen [side:E]

    And it's been... how long since I translated Ark? At this rate it'll take me years to do the whole album. At least this one wasn't as painful as Ark -- although I'm sure I still made all kinds of mistakes.

    (私は 生涯『彼女』を愛することはないだろう……
    しかし 『彼女』という存在は 私にとって特別な意味を孕むだろう……
    何故なら 生まれてくる娘(こ)の名は 遠い昔にもう決めてあるのだから―――――)

    (watashi wa shougai kanojo o aisuru koto wa nai darou...
    shikashi kanojo to iu sonzai wa watashi ni totte tokubetsu na imi o haramu darou...
    nazenara umarete kuru musume [ko] no na wa tooi mukashi ni mou kimete aru no dakara...)

    (I will likely never love her in my lifetime...
    However, her existence may take on a special meaning for me...
    Because the name of the daughter that will be born was decided in the distant past...)

    ――そして...幾度目かの楽園の扉が開かれる……

    -- soshite... ikudomeka no rakuen no tobira ga hirakareru...

    -- And then... the door to Paradise opens yet again...

    白い大地に 緋い雫で 描かれた軌跡 罪の道標
    古びた金貨 握り締めたまま 這い擦りながらも 男は笑った

    shiroi daichi ni akai shizuku de egakareta kiseki tsumi no michishirube
    furubita kinka [coin] nigirishimeta mama haizurinagara mo otoko wa waratta

    Tracks painted on the white earth with red drops, signposts of sin
    Clutching the old coin even while crawling, the man laughed

    廻るように 浮かんでくる 愛しい笑顔 すぐ其処に
    夢幻の果てに 手を伸ばす様に 扉に手を掛けた

    meguru you ni ukande kuru itoshii egao sugu soko ni
    mugen no hate ni te o nobasu you ni tobira ni te o kaketa

    Floating as if turning, the beloved smile will soon be there
    As if stretching out a hand to the end of the dream, he laid a hand on the door

    ――そして...彼の現実は朽ち果てる……

    -- soshite... kare no genjitsu wa kuchihateru...

    -- And then... his reality begins to wither away...

    少女が小さく 咳をする度 胸の痛みが 春を遠ざける
    襤褸い毛布でも 夢は見られる 愛を知った日の 温もり忘れない

    shoujo ga chiisaku seki o suru tabi mune no itami ga haru o toozakeru
    boroi moufu demo yume wa mirareru ai o shitta hi no nukumori wasurenai

    Whenever the girl gives a small cough, the pain in her chest drives Spring far away
    Though her blanket is threadbare, still she dreams, not forgetting the warmth of the day when she knew love

    眠るように 沈んでゆく 愛しい世界 水底に
    夢幻の果てが 手を招く様に 扉は開かれた

    nemuru you ni shizunde yuku itoshii sekai minasoko ni
    mugen no hate ga te o maneku you ni tobira wa hirakareta

    Sinking as if sleeping, the beloved world goes to the bottom of the ocean
    The end of a dream, as if beckoning, opened the door

    ――そして...彼女の現実は砕け散る……

    -- soshite... kanojo no genjitsu wa kudakechiru...

    -- And then... her reality begins to shatter...

    ねぇ...お父様 その楽園ではどんな花が咲くの?
    ねぇ...お父様 その楽園ではどんな鳥が歌うの?
    ねぇ...お父様 その楽園では体はもう痛くないの?
    ねぇ...お父様 その楽園ではずっと一緒にいられるの?
    ねぇ...お父様

    nee... otousama [papa] sono rakuen de wa donna hana ga saku no?
    nee... otousama [papa] sono rakuen de wa donna tori ga utau no?
    nee... otousama [papa] sono rakuen de wa karada wa mou itakunai no?
    nee... otousama [papa] sono rakuen de wa zutto issho ni irareu no?
    nee... otousama [papa]...

    Hey... Papa, in that paradise, what kind of flowers bloom?
    Hey... Papa, in that paradise, what kind of birds sing?
    Hey... Papa, in that paradise, will my body not hurt anymore?
    Hey... Papa, in that paradise, will we always be together?
    Hey... Papa...

    窓を叩く夜風 弾む吐息 薄暗い部屋 楽しそうな談笑
    虚ろな月明かり 白い吐息 薄汚い部屋 痩せた膝の少女

    mado o tataku yokaze hazumu toiki usugurai heya tanoshisou na danshou
    utsuro na tsukiakari shiroi toiki usugitanai heya yaseta hiza no shoujo

    The night wind tapping on the window, panting breaths, the dim room, a friendly talk
    The hollow moonlight, white breaths, the dirty room, the girl with thin knees

    幾度となく繰り返される問いかけ 尽きることのない『楽園』への興味
    嗚呼...少女にはもう見えていないのだ 傍らに横たわるその屍体が…

    ikudo to naku kurikaesareru toikake tsukiru koto no nai "rakuen" e no kyoumi
    aa... shoujo ni wa mou miete inai no da katawara ni yokotawaru shitai ga...

    The questions repeated many times -- an untiring interest in "paradise"
    Ah... the girl could no longer see it, the body stretched out beside her...

    (ねぇ...お父様
    何だい、エル?
    明日は何の日か知ってる?
    世界で一番可愛い女の子の誕生日
    私、お誕生日プレゼントは絵本がいいと思うわ)

    (nee, otousama [papa]
    nandai, ERU?
    ashita wa nan no hi ka shitte'ru?
    sekai de ichiban kawaii onna no ko no tanjoubi
    watashi, o-tanjoubi PUREZENTO wa ehon ga ii to omou wa...)

    "Hey, Papa..."
    "What is it, Elle?"
    "Do you know what day it is tomorrow?"
    "It's the birthday of the cutest girl in the world."
    "I think a picture book would be a good birthday present..."

    男の夢想は残酷な現実となり
    少女の現実は幽幻な夢想となる
    男の楽園は永遠の奈落となり
    少女の奈落は束の間の楽園となる

    otoko no musou wa zankoku na genjitsu to nari
    shoujo no genjitsu wa yuugen na musou to naru
    otoko no rakuen wa eien no naraku to nari
    shoujo no naraku wa tsukanoma no rakuen to naru

    The man's delusion becomes a cruel reality
    And the girl's reality becomes a mysterious delusion
    The man's paradise becomes an eternal hell
    And the girl's hell becomes a fleeting paradise

    ...お父様―― その楽園ではどんな恋が咲くの?
    ねぇ...お父様 その楽園ではどんな愛を歌うの?
    ...お父様―― その楽園では心はもう痛くないの?
    ねぇ...お父様 その楽園ではずっと一緒にいられるの?

    ... otousama [papa] -- sono rakuen de wa donna koi ga saku no?
    nee... otousama [papa] sono rakuen de wa donna ai ga utau no?
    ... otousama [papa] -- sono rakuen de wa kokoro wa mou itakunai no?
    nee... otousama [papa] sono rakuen de wa zutto issho ni irareru no?

    ... Papa -- in that paradise, what kind of passion blooms?
    Hey... Papa, in that paradise, what kind of love sings?
    ... Papa -- in that paradise, will my heart not hurt anymore?
    Hey... Papa, in that paradise, will we always be together?

    ねぇ...お父様 その楽園ではどんな花が咲くの?
    ねぇ...お父様 その楽園ではどんな鳥が歌うの?
    ねぇ...お父様 その楽園では体はもう痛くないの?
    ねぇ...お父様 その楽園ではずっと一緒にいられるの?
    ねぇ...お父様

    nee... otousama [papa] sono rakuen de wa donna hana ga saku no?
    nee... otousama [papa] sono rakuen de wa donna tori ga utau no?
    nee... otousama [papa] sono rakuen de wa karada wa mou itakunai no?
    nee... otousama [papa] sono rakuen de wa zutto issho ni irareru no?
    nee... otousama [papa]...

    Hey... Papa, in that paradise, what kind of flowers bloom?
    Hey... Papa, in that paradise, what kind of birds sing?
    Hey... Papa, in that paradise, will my body not hurt anymore?
    Hey... Papa, in that paradise, will we always be together?
    Hey... Papa...
    Last edited by bluepenguin; 02-28-2009 at 12:51 PM.

  2. #2
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    Yessss, more Sound Horizon. Wait till you get to Roman, Asa to Yoru No Monogatari is probably a nightmare to translate.

    Since nobody asked; my favorite songs in their earlier works are Koibito Wo Uchiotoshita Hi, Raijin No Keifu, and Majo to Rafurentse. Their later albums are excellent as well, but seriously lacking in Jimang.

    Speaking of which, I wish they'd re-release the really early albums; can you believe a second-hand copy of the Thanatos album at a used doujin shop sets you back more than 50,000 yen?

    But I digress.

    >私は 生涯『彼女』を愛することはないだろう……
    >I never loved her living self...

    生涯 -> lifetime

    ~だろう signifies that the sentence is a supposition, or "reckoning" of the future.

    -> "I will [likely] never love her in my life[time]"

    >しかし 『彼女』という存在は 私にとって特別な意味を孕むだろう……
    >Rather... the existence known as her took on a special meaning for me.

    I feel 「しかし」 is better off translated as "however", because it's taking the line above (i.e. "I will never love her, however...").

    ~だろう is the same as what I mentioned above.

    -> "However, [I have a feeling that] the existence known as her will take on a special meaning for me..."

    >――そして...幾度目かの楽園の扉が開かれる……
    >-- And then... the door to Paradise was opened many times...

    First, the line is in present tense (「開かれる」, not 「開かれた」), i.e. "the door to Paradise now opens...".

    幾度目か -> Grammatically speaking, this is a little tricky, since 「幾度目かの[楽園の]扉」 makes little sense if you take it literally ("the repeated door"?).

    However, if you keep in mind the concept of the whole album (which is especially important since this is... well, Revo we're talking about), a recurring theme apparent throughout each song is the appearance of the Masked Man who guides a victim of tragedy through a (maybe metaphorical) "door to Paradise". Hence, I'm fairly sure the meaning is something like this;

    -> "And then... the door to Paradise opens [yet] again..."

    >白い大地に 緋い雫で 描かれた軌跡 罪の道標
    >Red drops painted tracks on the white earth, signposts of sin
    This may be a matter of preference, but I think it would make better sense as English if we phrase it;
    -> "Tracks painted on the white earth with red drops, signposts of sin"
    One cause of confusion is that you may be missing the underlying structure of 「白い大地に~描かれた軌跡」("Tracks ~ painted on the white earth").

    >古びた金貨 握り締めたまま 這い擦りながらも 男は笑った
    >Clutching the old coin even while crawling, the man laughs
    Quick nitpick, the tense should be in the past ("the man laughs" would be 「男は笑う」), so -> "the man laughed".

    >夢幻の果てに 手を伸ばす様に 扉に手を掛けた
    >At the end of infinity, as if stretching out a hand, he laid a hand on the door
    Your take on the line isn't grammatically incorrect per se, but I'm inclinded to disagree on the interpretation.

    I think the line should be divided as 「夢幻の果てに + 手を伸ばす様に / 扉に手を掛けた」 instead of dividing it as you have, i.e. 「夢幻の果てに / 手を伸ばす様に / 扉に手を掛けた」. I say this because of the 「~に」 (="to[wards] ~") at the end of 「夢幻の果てに」, which signifies that it's jointed to the proceding phrase. If it were 「夢幻の果て」 ("at the end of infinity"), then I would agree with your translation.
    -> "He laid a hand on the door, as if stretching out a hand to[wards] the end of infinity"

    >嗚呼...少女にはもう見えていないのだ 傍らに横たわるその屍体が…
    >Ah... the girl couldn't see it yet, the body stretched out beside her...
    I think you missed the 「もう」 here.
    もう~ていない -> "Doesn't/Cannot ~ any/no longer".
    -> "Ah... the girl no longer sees it... the body stretched out beside her..."

    What this line actually means is open to interpretation, but I've always thought it meant the girl went either went insane or blind (probably after committing the murder herself) and has retreated into a state of denial.

    >男の夢想は残酷な現実となり
    >少女の現実は幽幻な夢想となる
    >男の楽園は永遠の奈落となり
    >少女の奈落は束の間の楽園となる
    >The man's delusion was a cruel reality
    >And the girl's reality was a mysterious delusion
    >The man's paradise was an eternal hell
    >And the girl's hell was a fleeting paradise

    Quick nitpick, 「~となる」 is "become(s) ~".
    -> "The man's delusion becomes a cruel reality"... etc.

    However, I can understand why you might have taken some poetic license here (I have to admit, four "becomes" in a row might be kind of unwieldy), but to point it out just in case it was a slip of mind.

    I think you did a very competent job overall, as always. I'd be glad to see more Sound Horizon songs in the future (well, as long as you don't kill yourself from the work).
    Last edited by Datenshi; 02-26-2009 at 04:11 PM.
    "If a person who indulges in gluttony is a glutton, and a person who commits a felony is a felon, then God is an iron."

    -Spider Robinson, God Is an Iron

  3. #3
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    Thanks, Datenshi! I was really hoping you'd comment on this, actually; I always appreciate your input on these things.

    Anyway, thanks for clarifying things and pointing out the stupid mistakes I didn't catch (really, I should probably wait a day, go over my translations again so that I can go "oh, that verb's in the past tense, duh," and then post them).

    About となる, I'd love to say that it was poetic license and look smarter than I am, but the truth is that I remembered, vaguely, reading at some point that となる just meant "be" rather than "become." But it looks like either my memory's faulty or whoever wrote that was wrong -- thanks for correcting the misconception.

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