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Thread: falling apart

  1. #1
    Senior Member .Miki~ has a reputation beyond repute .Miki~ has a reputation beyond repute .Miki~ has a reputation beyond repute .Miki~ has a reputation beyond repute .Miki~ has a reputation beyond repute .Miki~ has a reputation beyond repute .Miki~ has a reputation beyond repute .Miki~ has a reputation beyond repute .Miki~ has a reputation beyond repute .Miki~ has a reputation beyond repute .Miki~ has a reputation beyond repute .Miki~'s Avatar
    Gil
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    Default falling apart

    i wrote this in ninth grade when i was going through depression, and i thought "hey how bout i post this one!" honestly it was on just a piece of scrap paper in the bottom of my drawer so i dont know if its good.... hope ya like it ^.^

    I don't see how you get delight from my pain
    I see no reason the sun shines when it rains
    You see my smile, not my breaking heart,
    So how do you know i'm falling apart?

    I cry at night and shine at day
    Still nothings alright, i'm not okay.
    I tell myself, its all going to change
    But thats a promise i can't rearrange

    While the hurricane inside me, carrys on raging,
    I see it wont be alright, my pain has claimed me
    So i lay down to a dreamless rest
    And pray my life will turn for the best

    You're like an angel from a picture book...

  2. #2
    Senior Member Akito0o has a reputation beyond repute Akito0o has a reputation beyond repute Akito0o has a reputation beyond repute Akito0o has a reputation beyond repute Akito0o has a reputation beyond repute Akito0o has a reputation beyond repute Akito0o has a reputation beyond repute Akito0o has a reputation beyond repute Akito0o has a reputation beyond repute Akito0o has a reputation beyond repute Akito0o has a reputation beyond repute Akito0o's Avatar
    Gil
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    Aww Hinamori-Chan it makes me want to give you a hug. Very well written make the reader feel your sadness (not easy to do) Keep writing.

  3. #3
    The Bringer of Nightmares RJ169 has a reputation beyond repute RJ169 has a reputation beyond repute RJ169 has a reputation beyond repute RJ169 has a reputation beyond repute RJ169 has a reputation beyond repute RJ169 has a reputation beyond repute RJ169 has a reputation beyond repute RJ169 has a reputation beyond repute RJ169 has a reputation beyond repute RJ169 has a reputation beyond repute RJ169 has a reputation beyond repute RJ169's Avatar
    Gil
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    Default

    yea this is very good

  4. #4
    Nanobyte's minion SigmaSD has a reputation beyond repute SigmaSD has a reputation beyond repute SigmaSD has a reputation beyond repute SigmaSD has a reputation beyond repute SigmaSD has a reputation beyond repute SigmaSD has a reputation beyond repute SigmaSD has a reputation beyond repute SigmaSD has a reputation beyond repute SigmaSD has a reputation beyond repute SigmaSD has a reputation beyond repute SigmaSD has a reputation beyond repute SigmaSD's Avatar
    Gil
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    Default

    That was quite nice. "breaking heart", "I cry at night"; these two parts really showed us your emotions during this time, and they were very well incorporated into your work. Nice job.
    If Minecraft had a Japanese intro.

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  5. #5
    phantomatic - - jnLL has a reputation beyond repute jnLL has a reputation beyond repute jnLL has a reputation beyond repute jnLL has a reputation beyond repute jnLL has a reputation beyond repute jnLL has a reputation beyond repute jnLL has a reputation beyond repute jnLL has a reputation beyond repute jnLL has a reputation beyond repute jnLL has a reputation beyond repute jnLL has a reputation beyond repute jnLL's Avatar
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    wee! another great poem ;D i loved the rhymes, and what the others said :]
    you're really great at these things!

    inactive ;

  6. #6
    Senior Member Blanc has a reputation beyond repute Blanc has a reputation beyond repute Blanc has a reputation beyond repute Blanc has a reputation beyond repute Blanc has a reputation beyond repute Blanc has a reputation beyond repute Blanc has a reputation beyond repute Blanc has a reputation beyond repute Blanc has a reputation beyond repute Blanc has a reputation beyond repute Blanc has a reputation beyond repute Blanc's Avatar
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    Default

    Nice poem. I feel bad for chu D: but it seems like your better now. Good job, keep up the good work and continue posting your poems.

  7. #7
    Your Mischievous Angel Yuki Atsuma has a reputation beyond repute Yuki Atsuma has a reputation beyond repute Yuki Atsuma has a reputation beyond repute Yuki Atsuma has a reputation beyond repute Yuki Atsuma has a reputation beyond repute Yuki Atsuma has a reputation beyond repute Yuki Atsuma has a reputation beyond repute Yuki Atsuma has a reputation beyond repute Yuki Atsuma has a reputation beyond repute Yuki Atsuma has a reputation beyond repute Yuki Atsuma has a reputation beyond repute Yuki Atsuma's Avatar
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    Default

    I love it..
    It expresses how many people may feel.
    And for that, people can relate.
    Good job =]]
    " Embrace your dreams. If you want to be a hero, you need to have dreams. . . "


  8. #8
    boopaloop! IFS has a reputation beyond repute IFS has a reputation beyond repute IFS has a reputation beyond repute IFS has a reputation beyond repute IFS has a reputation beyond repute IFS has a reputation beyond repute IFS has a reputation beyond repute IFS has a reputation beyond repute IFS has a reputation beyond repute IFS has a reputation beyond repute IFS has a reputation beyond repute IFS's Avatar
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    wow its really touching makes me want to cry, at the time of the poem you must have really felt horrible. Im hoping everything turned out for the best in the end for you

  9. #9
    Member HikariKain is on a distinguished road HikariKain's Avatar
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    I know how it feels to be like that.                           Nice, now I know your not just a perso n who writes poetry, youre actually a pretty good  artist  ^.^
    It was cool to read poetry thats so precise and a ccurate (precision dealing with the words themself , accuracy dealing with meaning).
    Bye-bye... Ochibichan...



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