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Thread: Dear Daddy

  1. #1
    Senior Member Sister Nightroad has a reputation beyond repute Sister Nightroad has a reputation beyond repute Sister Nightroad has a reputation beyond repute Sister Nightroad has a reputation beyond repute Sister Nightroad has a reputation beyond repute Sister Nightroad has a reputation beyond repute Sister Nightroad has a reputation beyond repute Sister Nightroad has a reputation beyond repute Sister Nightroad has a reputation beyond repute Sister Nightroad has a reputation beyond repute Sister Nightroad has a reputation beyond repute Sister Nightroad's Avatar
    Gil
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    Post Dear Daddy

    Dear Daddy,

    Daddy I write you
    Knowing I've already past
    But I want you to know
    My love for you will always last

    I'm sorry for the things I said
    The night we had that fight
    I didn't mean all those nasty words
    None of them were right

    I hope you still aren't angry
    Still hope I'm your baby girl
    Even though I'm gone now
    I always want to be your pearl

    I wanted to say I'm sorry
    For all the things that went past
    But after the accident with the drunk driver
    I know I'll never get the chance

    So Daddy when you read this
    Please know that this is true
    I never meant those things I said
    I really do love you
    Last edited by Fabala; 02-08-2009 at 11:29 PM.

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  2. #2
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    So it's the girl that's dead right?
    I like this poem a lot.
    Even though it's sad, it's still really good.
    uhm, just a suggestion, in the 4th stanza, 1st line, i think you could do without the "that". It might help it a bit?


  3. #3
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    Gil
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    I can honestly say that this poem nearly brought me to tears. And I usually don't well up easily. I really really like this poem, because the poem has a nice flow, and has a great emotional impact on the reader. I think that your choice of using the word "daddy" help add to the emotion factor of the poem because you get a sense that the narrator is a young girl.
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  4. #4
    Legendry SUPER SAIYAN FLASH-X has a reputation beyond repute FLASH-X has a reputation beyond repute FLASH-X has a reputation beyond repute FLASH-X has a reputation beyond repute FLASH-X has a reputation beyond repute FLASH-X has a reputation beyond repute FLASH-X has a reputation beyond repute FLASH-X has a reputation beyond repute FLASH-X has a reputation beyond repute FLASH-X has a reputation beyond repute FLASH-X has a reputation beyond repute FLASH-X's Avatar
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    this poem almost made me cry great flow and nice emotional feel man !!!!..........keep up the good work

  5. #5
    Senior Member Azul has a reputation beyond repute Azul has a reputation beyond repute Azul has a reputation beyond repute Azul has a reputation beyond repute Azul has a reputation beyond repute Azul has a reputation beyond repute Azul has a reputation beyond repute Azul has a reputation beyond repute Azul has a reputation beyond repute Azul has a reputation beyond repute Azul has a reputation beyond repute Azul's Avatar
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    that poem was just...so...oh my.

    i loved everything. the rhyming, the word choice, the stanzaic formation, the fact that i'm still on the verge of tears....everything!

    i'm on my way to check out your other poems right now. you have just found yourself a new fan. i'm still tearing up.
    The fool sees the bend but doesn't look beyond it.


  6. #6
    Senior Member ELR has a reputation beyond repute ELR has a reputation beyond repute ELR has a reputation beyond repute ELR has a reputation beyond repute ELR has a reputation beyond repute ELR has a reputation beyond repute ELR has a reputation beyond repute ELR has a reputation beyond repute ELR has a reputation beyond repute ELR has a reputation beyond repute ELR has a reputation beyond repute ELR's Avatar
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    Your poem shows a true emotion, something that girl wanted her father to know, that brings the joy to the poem, but the sadness arises from knowing she'll never be able to tell her father her true feelings. I enjoyed it. Keep on writing.
    I am no more a rose than I am its thorns.
    No more a gentle breeze than I am the hailing storm.
    I am no more hated than I am loved.
    And I am no more heartfilled than I am heartless.
    This is who I am.
    ~ELR

  7. #7
    Senior Member Sanosuke X has a reputation beyond repute Sanosuke X has a reputation beyond repute Sanosuke X has a reputation beyond repute Sanosuke X has a reputation beyond repute Sanosuke X has a reputation beyond repute Sanosuke X has a reputation beyond repute Sanosuke X has a reputation beyond repute Sanosuke X has a reputation beyond repute Sanosuke X has a reputation beyond repute Sanosuke X has a reputation beyond repute Sanosuke X has a reputation beyond repute Sanosuke X's Avatar
    Gil
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    I like the fact that the dead are asking for the livings forgiveness instead of the other way around.

    Very well done.

  8. #8
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    Gil
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    that poem is so depressing... >_>

    loving. . . but depressing

    S.i.g. M.a.d.e B.y M.e

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