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Did you know that "social rejection" triggers the same pain from the brain as does physical hurt... I don't mean like.. oh woe is me.. I'm sooo gotthiicc... everyone hates me. But, say your friends forget to call you... or you are being ignored by your pals...
Just thought I'd tell you that, it was KINDA on topic.. no not really.. but close enough
anyway... There was this guy I knew... (and he was really creepy...) he would stab teddy bears... and stuff.. and not for public display of his teenaged cry for gothic-frenzy.. he did it in the privacy of his home... and he had scratches all up and down his arms from his nails. It made me sad to see him like that... but he was just sooo creeepppyyy... like.. future axe murderer creepy.
anyway... I love you. I LOVE YOU YOU HEAR ME!!! I SAID I LOVE YOU!!!
This is Saturn-chan from Old Animeglobe.
"The key is in the window, the key is in the sunlight in the window - I have the key - get married Allen don't take drugs... Love, your mother." - A letter to Allen Ginsberg from his mother 2 days before she died.
for me it was that i could concentrate on something other than my failing family and life. i felt like i could somehow get away and each time it just made it worse. i new it was a bad and i knew i shouldnt do it but it was something for once that i thought "helped" me. i guess im agreeing with you about the freind thing. one of my friends called me stupid and ignorant while the other showed she didnt like it but didnt try and stop me. she kind of helped me stop ^_^. i owe alot to her. ah and um love you too?
-Just tell me baby, Tell me I'm crazy, You know it's what makes your heart scream "Take me"..-Mithrosent
i cut myself to stop everything else, it felt like time had stopped. being called retarded, getting pushed around so easily, being a failure to my family, those things triggered the need to slice my arm up. i still tend to want to grab for something, anything, to just cut my arm so pain will stop, so i can think straight and know that what they are saying is wrong. after a while you feel like doing more than just cutting but i know that if i do go that far that they will know that they were right and that i was wrong. i didnt have friends to tell me that they cared for me, no one to tell me that i could talk to them when i needed to, i only had the shiny blade that called me to come let it slide down my arm until the blood showed up lightly against my skin. so help isnt always there for people, they just tend to have to fend for themselves. and yes some people are more morbid than others, one kid i talked to online talked about using a toothpick to etch stuff into his skin, and i dont mean just on the tip of the skin i mean all the way into this skin etching. grossed me out just thinking about it.
I am no more a rose than I am its thorns.
No more a gentle breeze than I am the hailing storm.
I am no more hated than I am loved.
And I am no more heartfilled than I am heartless.
This is who I am.
Perhaps cutting is also a consequence of our lack of ability to deal with anger. It sems like our generation was raised with the idea that 'Anger is bad', and it can be, but it's a natural process. Perhaps it was the lack of expression of anger we've had when we were younger that makes us so intent of driving blades into ourselves.
I did it a few times in my life, and though I'm not proud I realize that it was another hill to walk over. Ocasionally I'll hold a sword or knife close, let the steel at my skin, and just seem to 'chill' from the touch. At least it's not like middle school or early high school where I attempted harakiri.. But I ended up finding reasons not to go through with it every time.
I've never really heard of cutting before our generation, perhaps in this new age we've lost something our ancesters have. Perhaps with all our influences these days, we are so overwhelmed with information and other things that we can't seem to live and let live. Couple that with a lack of self management for our anger, and we have our only way out.
When you can't hurt someone else, and you don't know how to release your anger in a more efficient and safe way- you take it out on yourself. I hope people can stop taking the razors to themselves and start diving within. When we figure out how we tick, we can gain control of parts of us that seem out of our control.
Thanks for sharing, Ai.
Perhaps the world was never meant to make perfect sense.
[I know this is a old thread, but I just wanted to add what I felt]:
I personally believe that it's because anger and other strong emotions make you feel out of control. When you cut yourself, you are establishing at least some sort of control over yourself and your body, and so it can become addicting.
It is also a release of pain, I think. You feel it on the inside, and so you also want to feel it on the outside.
I have never done it myself, but I have had siblings and friends who have. I've always stuck by them, tried to help them and understand them, and never did judge them for it, because I know that wouldn't help them in the least. Instead, I knew they just needed my support.
I enjoyed reading your post, it's really true.
the simplest thing i could possibly say on this topic is my own personal opinion, human emotion will one day distroy us and it is inevitable. i'm not saying that i dislike the emotions we humans feel, in fact i quite enjoy them but if a simple clash of emotions can cause a fight it will soon cause an apocolypse, armoggedon or what ever you want to call it... we will kill ourselves and you may not but i believe this to be true.
its so true that cutting feels cleansing, trust me, i have experience...
but the thing that most people dont realize is how much we're suffering, and how little the physical pain we feel is barely a fraction of the emotional pain we're being subjected to...
emotional pain is far worse than any physical pain on earth, and there's no scientific way to end it, the only way for it to go away is for the world around you to change, to somehow become better in some way, or it eats you away until theres nothing left than an empty shell...
ive seen too many friends end up that way, if its possible, try to make them feel better in any way you can, itll make a world of difference...
Holy crap. I wrote this when I was like 15. I didnt even know this was anywhere on the internet. (I'm 24 now btw)
But yeah, Miss Moonlight has it nailed. That's exactly why I wrote this. Although re-reading it now, I want to correct all my horrible mistakes.
I didnt have friends to tell me that they cared for me, no one to tell me that I could talk to them when I needed to, I only had the shiny blade that called me to come let it slide down my arm until the blood showed up lightly against my skin. so help isnt always there for people, they just tend to have to fend for themselves. and yes some people are more morbid than others, one kid I talked to online talked about using a toothpick to etch stuff into his skin, and i dont mean just on the tip of the skin I mean all the way into this skin etching. grossed me out just thinking about it.
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