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Thread: Original Fiction: War of Time: Chapter 1 Part 1

  1. #1
    Member Elite Knight has a brilliant future Elite Knight has a brilliant future Elite Knight has a brilliant future Elite Knight has a brilliant future Elite Knight has a brilliant future Elite Knight has a brilliant future Elite Knight has a brilliant future Elite Knight has a brilliant future Elite Knight has a brilliant future Elite Knight has a brilliant future Elite Knight has a brilliant future Elite Knight's Avatar
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    Default Original Fiction: War of Time: Chapter 1 Part 1

    This novel i start a few weeks back and i'v taken a break froim writing and hope to get back into it soon. Wanna make 3 Novels.

    This story is about a 19 year old WW2 Soldier that can travel though time.

    Little Bit Of Chapter One
    -----------------------------------
    Part One of Chapter One
    Chapter One
    -My Name Is James of the 19th Division-
    As the roar of gun fire and bomb go off in the back ground I sit in an air plane about to drop into Normandy for an assault of German forces to halt them back so the British allies and American including the Russians can get though to Germany and take down Hitler and his forces. To do that they have devised a strategy with involves me ‘’James’’. My name is James and i’m nine teen year old American soldier about to be deployed into France on June 6th 1944 as the American Canadian and British forces enter the beaches, Gold Omaha Utha Juno and Sword and take the beach heads and advance inland into France. I was just told that American forces might be a bit longer than they expected because the German artillery and lack of firepower have made the American forces on Omaha take longer to get inland. Losing all the tanks in the sea because the boats carrying them let them off the boat to early and they sunk to the bottom of the sea. They say the casualties at Omaha could be in the thousands because the MG42 turret guns are holding them back as well as the bombs and snipers. What would you expect it’s a war zone of blood and guts flying every where? When one day you talking to your mates at the base and the next there dead on the battle field.
    I am about to parachute into Normandy and I am thinking of the days when there was no war sitting on my but in Seattle Washington state! Sitting on the veranda drinking my beer with my wife, ah now that was the life. It was into my wife decided we get a divorce and left me and took the kid with her and moved some thousands of miles across the world and I have no clue where? She could have taken her to South America, Australia, England and I was on track to find my son into we got word there is going to be a second world war. For four years I lost track of them due to the war it disrupted mail phone calls just about every thing. So in March of 1944 I was recruited into the 19th airborne division. So on June 4th 1944 I was told I would be deployed into Normandy and be there on the 6th for an assault on German forces. Sergeant ‘’Mills’’ my commanding officer said I would be the eleventh soldier out of the plane, I was nerves very nerves and I should be I’m about to go into a battle that could change my life even take it from me! Man I’m scared.
    -----------------------------------
    Last edited by Elite Knight; 12-09-2008 at 12:22 AM.
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  2. #2
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    Default

    Can someone please replay back and tell me what you think of it.
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  3. #3
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    Gil
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    Default

    Bumping your thread isnt going to make people want to read it. (You also didnt label the thread correctly.)

    I find that when writing a story, it's best to format it well. You had one paragraph jumbled together, and it was hard to read. Lots of run on sentances, and it was kind of hard to follow. Spell checking, or running your story through windows word pad to help you format or fix simple formatting errors/spelling errors would help you greatly.

    Keep writing though, this is a really good story idea, and I'd like to see where you go with it.
    making emo kids[/URL] cry since 1998


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