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Thread: At one moment...

  1. #1
    Junior Member Vampire_Star has a reputation beyond repute Vampire_Star has a reputation beyond repute Vampire_Star has a reputation beyond repute Vampire_Star has a reputation beyond repute Vampire_Star has a reputation beyond repute Vampire_Star has a reputation beyond repute Vampire_Star has a reputation beyond repute Vampire_Star has a reputation beyond repute Vampire_Star has a reputation beyond repute Vampire_Star has a reputation beyond repute Vampire_Star has a reputation beyond repute Vampire_Star's Avatar
    Gil
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    Thumbs down At one moment...

    At one moment I sit and I listen to my heartbeat. Its beat is my breath. My life. My one moment to be here.
    At one momenti sit and close my eyes. Darkness is behind my lids. I panic. And in a moment, I open my eyes.
    At one moment....I sit and taste the air. I taste poison. I cringe. My one moment to taste life.
    At one momentI smell the morning dew. It reeks of death. I do not smell anymore. My one moment to smell life.
    At one moment..I feel the earth. It feels of stone and dirt. It hurts me. I do not feel. My one moment to take life by the hands.




    The moment I listen to my heart is the moment it stops beating. It dies for you because you take life from me.
    The moment I close my eyes is the moment when youve left me and left nothing but darkness accompanies me.
    The moment I taste the air is the moment I taste the lies youve told that Ive been subjected to and it is bittersweet.
    The moment I smell the morning dew is the moment when I realize Ive died and morning is something that was once familiar to me.
    The moment I touch the earth is the moment when I realize that you have killed my soul and taken it away. Leaving my body hostage to this cruel in habitual place that we call earth.

    My moment to experience a beautiful life and you take it from me. My moment to take life by the hands and you cut them off.






    i wrote this along time ago just wanted to hear your comments on it ^^



    Silver like the moon dark like the night your soul shines with all it's might.

  2. #2
    Keeping Score Without The Music Yoko Littner has a reputation beyond repute Yoko Littner has a reputation beyond repute Yoko Littner has a reputation beyond repute Yoko Littner has a reputation beyond repute Yoko Littner has a reputation beyond repute Yoko Littner has a reputation beyond repute Yoko Littner has a reputation beyond repute Yoko Littner has a reputation beyond repute Yoko Littner has a reputation beyond repute Yoko Littner has a reputation beyond repute Yoko Littner has a reputation beyond repute Yoko Littner's Avatar
    Gil
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    How you placed all the words in the poem really confused me. It was decent though, keep it up.

    Rating - 6/10
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