dead

[VampireSlayerD]

Poetry is dead to me
eye so cold can barely see
insides so black I barley breath
what on earth has become of me

[SigmaSD]

Are you just trying to raise your post count, because you've seriously started dozens of threads today. I'm not saying it's a bad thing, just make sure the thread is legit.

Anyway, the poem is... interesting. It's very unorthodox to find a small poem such as this. I can honestly say that it's ok, but not the best. The first two lines have seven syllables, while the last two have eight. This would seem to make the structure good, but your word choice renders lines incompatible. I think you should revise it, 'cause you also have grammatical errors.

Personally, I'd do this.

"Poetry is dead to me,
eyes so cold; can barely see,
insides so black; can barely breath.
Does someone know what's wrong with me?"

[Rein*]

yours is good but i think i prefer SigmaSD's version. but yours is nice

[wowzabunny]

Sigmas is better , but the "does someone" part makes it a bit differant to what vampire slayer said. but both are very good