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Thread: Original Fiction: Jade: Chapter 1

  1. #1
    Senior Member Azul has a reputation beyond repute Azul has a reputation beyond repute Azul has a reputation beyond repute Azul has a reputation beyond repute Azul has a reputation beyond repute Azul has a reputation beyond repute Azul has a reputation beyond repute Azul has a reputation beyond repute Azul has a reputation beyond repute Azul has a reputation beyond repute Azul has a reputation beyond repute Azul's Avatar
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    Cool Original Fiction: Jade: Chapter 1 ~fixed~

    I wasn't going to do this but a friend talked me into it. I finally finished typing it. I am so slow at typing well picking out letters as my high school IT teacher called it.


    I have already written up to chapter 5 although i might have to edit one of them to remove the adult situations. All i need is some positive feedback to start typing it up.So please say something about it, anything at all is welcome.


    If i get no feedback then i'll take it that i should return to my day job and forget about typing chapter 2. So i hope you'll enjoy.


    Chapter 1



    A contented sigh escaped Jade’s lips as she sank down into the warmth of the hot spring. If I die at this very moment I die very happy indeed, she mused to herself. Sinking further down into the spring she felt her lids drooping. Only for a minute and then I’ll get out. Only one … minute.

    She was soaring through the clouds, no one in sight. How did I get here? The thought escaped her as she glanced down. What she saw was staggering. When was the last time she had seen so much green? Trees unbroken as far as the eyes could see in all their untouched splendour. She itched to touch them. To fly overhead and let her fingers roam the treetops.

    A blast of smoke hit her square in the face, enveloping her and cutting off her oxygen. Coughing violently she began falling rapidly to the
    ground.

    This can’t be happening. How did he find me? I’ve been so careful.

    The smoke cleared. A sound between dismay and horror emitted from her lips. It was gone. All of it, gone. Not one tree was left. It looked like a huge fire had wiped it out in an instant. She was falling, falling to the dark charred earth to her untimely demise.

    Pull up! Pull up! Come on! She was only moments away from crashing. Closing her eyes in despair she waited for the impact, sure death was inevitable. Five seconds passes…ten… eleven…

    Tentatively she opened her eyes and felt the warm water lapping at her skin. The hot spring! Breathing a sigh of relief she relaxed her body. She was safe, if only for the moment.

    Her body became alert. A feeling of vulnerability came over her. Where had she left her clothes? Damn it! What had she been thinking? Years of combat training had prepared her not to do foolish things like this.
    She could feel the eyes burning into the back of her neck. How many were there? How long had they been watching her? Most importantly, how long had she been asleep? Why hadn’t they attacked? All these questions flowed through her mind as she tried to dig through her archives for any training she’d had on situations like this, nothing could be found at the moment. She’d just have to turn and face the music.


    *******
    Cade knew what he was doing was wrong. He should leave right now. If only his feet would heed the comment from his brain. Rooted to the spot, he took in what he could see from where he was standing. It wasn’t much but it was enough to make him crave for more.

    She had the most unusual hair. It was the deepest shade of black. As the sun danced through it he could see that it wasn’t really black. It had a hint of blue to it. The deepest shade of blue so dark it was almost undetectable at first glance. So soft and inviting to the touch it was. Instinctively he felt his hand reaching out to her. He drew his hand back as she visibly stiffened. She’d felt his presence.

    Cade didn’t know if he should run and hide or stay and watch. Where the hell could he hide even if he wanted to?

    Turn around, don’t turn! Leave! Hide! Stay! All of these conflicting thoughts were racing full speed through his mind. She must’ve been sleeping before. He had been watching her for quite a while. If she’d been awake she’d have sensed his presence before now. What was she doing out here all alone in a time like this. Instantly he wanted to protect her from the harsh realities they were facing. Thinking of some of the stories he’d heard about the men from the army. Kidnapping, enslaving, raping, maiming, and enslaving, they were ruthless. Rage threatened to overpower his good judgment. That they would do something so vile was too much for him to stand. Something had to be done, and soon too.
    *******

    The rage in his face instilled so much terror in her that she could hardly breathe. It was only him which was good for her. Too bad he was standing beside her clothes and her only means of protecting herself, her weapons. Worst yet she was nude so running was out of the question. What the hell was she going to do? Frantic she felt around with her foot for something that could be used as a weapon against him.

    Looking at him she saw the look of anger receding from his face. His face softened and the look that replaced it was even more sinister. He was devouring her face with his eyes, looking like he couldn’t get enough.
    She could only think about what he might be planning to do to her. Each thought was scarier than the next. At least he would keep her alive long enough for her to try and make her escape. She couldn’t decide if that was a good thing. She was leaning toward dying, as death would be better than the torture she would face from him.

    Coming back to reality she realized he’d been talking to her. She had been so lost in thought that she hadn’t heard him. Seeing the blank look on her face he repeated his question.

    “You might want to get out before you shrivel up like a prune.” Realizing how callous that might sound and seeing the look on her face he cleared his throat. “I mean, I’ll give you some privacy to get dressed. It’s not good to stay in there for too long.” Why’d he say that? He could’ve kicked himself.
    Privacy? Did he hear right or was it wishful thinking? Seeing him turn his back and move away from her clothes she almost jumped out of the water. She stopped herself. What if he was toying with her? What if he turned around as soon as she got out? Why did he not take her weapons? Maybe he thought she didn’t know how to use them. Or even if he thought she did, he was probably confident he could still overpower her. Either way she still had to get dressed arm herself for a battle.

    “I won’t peek,” he was saying to her. “I give you my word on that.”
    How much was his word worth? How many times had people gone back on their word to her? Too many.

    “It’s good that you don’t trust me.” He continued. “It just means that you have a better chance of survival out here.” He was coming towards her now. He picked up her clothes and held them out to her.

    “You could get dressed in the water. Although you’d get soaked it’ll be dry before you know it.” He smiled the sweetest smile at her. She felt her heart flutter, missing a beat. She took the clothes and he turned his back to her.
    “What are you doing out here all alone at a time like this. I see that you’re well armed but what good would that be if you’re attacked?” She knew it. Egotistic bastard.” I mean if you come up against the army what would you do?” Exactly what I’ve been doing my whole life, fight. “Are you even aware of what those bastards do to beautiful young ladies like yourself?” He thinks I’m beautiful? Maybe he’s not so bad after all. “You haven’t said anything since I’ve got here. Can you talk? I’m Cade by the way.” He’s a talker. She answered by getting out of the spring in soddy clothes. They were heavy as hell but at least she was dressed.

    He turned and the breath caught in her throat. She’d suddenly forgotten how to breathe. His was the most enchanting green eyes. Seeing them brought back the memories from her dream. She took a deep breath and extended her hand to him. An electric jolt ran through her as he took her hand. She had never felt anything like it before. Taking a step backward she tripped over a rock. Luckily he was still holding her hand.

    She righted herself. A blush crept across her face as she saw that he was laughing at her. How rude of him. Dragging her hand away she turned in anger and embarrassment and bent to pick up her Sais.

    “What did I do?” he asked in good natured humour. “Oh come on, don’t blame me, it’s not my fault you’re so skittish.”

    He watched as she sheathed the sais on the belt around her hip. He was getting a good view of a round backside. In an angry motion she picked up her traveling sack and threw it over her back. Plopping down on the ground she proceeded to put on her shoes. Cade was very amused. Realizing she hadn’t said a word still, he continued to goad her.

    “So you’re vocally impaired,” he teased. Somehow he knew she wasn’t impaired in any way. “It’s a damn shame. I would’ve loved to get your name.”
    Finished putting on her shoes she got up and regarded him from head to toe. Deciding to forgive him for laughing at her she extended her hand to him. It was a brief handshake this time.

    “I’m Jade. What are you doing out here alone?”

    “I should be the one asking you that. Well actually I did, only you didn’t answer.”

    “Traveling.”

    “Alone?”

    “Yeah alone.”

    “Or maybe you’re running from someone?” he asked.

    She looked up at him sharply, inadvertently answering his question.

    “I see. Hmmm? An abusive husband perhaps? A fiancé? The law? The last he said looking at her hand resting on the sai at her side with a raised eyebrow.

    “I don’t see how this is any of your business.”

    He heard them coming and knew she did too as she’d unsheathed both sais and looked ready for battle. Maybe she was running from the law after all, he mused to himself. He preferred that to an abusive husband or fiancé. She sure didn’t look like an amateur with those weapons of hers. He’d have to be careful around her.

    Stepping around her he went to meet the men who were coming in sight.
    She saw him hug a man who appeared to be the leader of the pack. She didn’t know whether to relax or attack.
    Last edited by Azul; 11-25-2008 at 07:11 PM.
    The fool sees the bend but doesn't look beyond it.


  2. #2
    LUCKY DUCK Capernicus has a reputation beyond repute Capernicus has a reputation beyond repute Capernicus has a reputation beyond repute Capernicus has a reputation beyond repute Capernicus has a reputation beyond repute Capernicus has a reputation beyond repute Capernicus has a reputation beyond repute Capernicus has a reputation beyond repute Capernicus has a reputation beyond repute Capernicus has a reputation beyond repute Capernicus has a reputation beyond repute Capernicus's Avatar
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    Break up the block of text and I'll read it. As it stands, it's very evil on the eyes. Srs. Can you even read it? Would you WANT to?


    Back, by popular demand! Now with new avy.


  3. #3
    Senior Member Azul has a reputation beyond repute Azul has a reputation beyond repute Azul has a reputation beyond repute Azul has a reputation beyond repute Azul has a reputation beyond repute Azul has a reputation beyond repute Azul has a reputation beyond repute Azul has a reputation beyond repute Azul has a reputation beyond repute Azul has a reputation beyond repute Azul has a reputation beyond repute Azul's Avatar
    Gil
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    I keep trying but everything i do here turns out like this. Can you please help! I looks so much better in Word. This forum just doesn't like me. Do you think i should PM one of the mods. I can't even edit it. I noticed that i can't add smilies or bold or italized which is just plain wrong.
    The fool sees the bend but doesn't look beyond it.


  4. #4
    Nanobyte's minion SigmaSD has a reputation beyond repute SigmaSD has a reputation beyond repute SigmaSD has a reputation beyond repute SigmaSD has a reputation beyond repute SigmaSD has a reputation beyond repute SigmaSD has a reputation beyond repute SigmaSD has a reputation beyond repute SigmaSD has a reputation beyond repute SigmaSD has a reputation beyond repute SigmaSD has a reputation beyond repute SigmaSD has a reputation beyond repute SigmaSD's Avatar
    Gil
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    Very interesting. The beginning was very highly detailed; very well done. I'm not sure I got it, but she was having a flashback while she was bathing right?

    I thought you did a fine job. It would be good if you did the second chapter, so we could get some background info on the story. I agree with Capernicus. You should fix it because it was very hard to read. Also, I don't really like the guy's name (but that's just my opinion). A fine job indeed. Can't wait for chapter 2.
    If Minecraft had a Japanese intro.

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  5. #5
    Senior Member Azul has a reputation beyond repute Azul has a reputation beyond repute Azul has a reputation beyond repute Azul has a reputation beyond repute Azul has a reputation beyond repute Azul has a reputation beyond repute Azul has a reputation beyond repute Azul has a reputation beyond repute Azul has a reputation beyond repute Azul has a reputation beyond repute Azul has a reputation beyond repute Azul's Avatar
    Gil
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    I sent the pm to Fabala. Maybe he can help wth the problem. I'll see what happens when he responds. Thanks for reading it anyway SigmaSD. You are the greatest. I was beginning to feel really discouraged. Hoping this can be fixed soon.
    The fool sees the bend but doesn't look beyond it.


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