Author's Notes: I'm not the creator of Death is Pink and Fluffy. That would be Eris. IF you don't know what Death is Pink and Fluffy I advise you go to http://www.eris.name go into the archives and educate yourself. Theres probably a lot of typos since I wrote this all in one go except the last three parts. There is 17 parts all together. I'll wait for Eris to destroy me as the story goes on. But this is my version. I tried to capture the essence of the original. I'll just shut up and let you enjoy.
Death is Pink and Fluffy pt. 1
A man tied to a chair. Beaten and bruised. Bleeding slightly.
"Hi my name is Keith. I know things look pretty bad. I've been in worse. I guess you could say I have a curse of bad luck. But this is when my luck started to turn around."
3 hours earlier
The same man looking at the engine of his car as smoke is pouring from it. He tries to touch a part and it burns him.
He kicks the tire and pulls the road map from his pocket.
"Hey, look at that theres a town right over... that mountain..."
He sighs putting a towel in the window and starts walking towards the mountain.
2 hours earlier
Keith is still walking through the forest. He stops, clearing his throat and sits on a stump. Reaching into his backpack and pulls out a drink. A shadow looms over him but is knocked unconscious upon realisation.
1 hour earlier
Waking up slowly and groggy.
"Well, well, well. Looky at what we got 'ere. A trespasser."
"Can you even spell such a big word?"
"T R E S P A S S E R. Do you know what we do to trespassers?"
Keith is amazed by the persons spelling ability.
"Let them go?"
"No, we eat them."
"So much for southern hospitality... but soylent greens..."
"Good eaten, and you city folk taste like chicken with the right spices. Aight, Bubba tenderize my meat."
"Ahw. This is going to suc.."
Keith is struck by the fist of a 300 pound redneck before finishing his sentence.
Keith looking at the floor mumbling as blood is dripping from his mouth as someone enters through the door.
"Strange, I thought there were more of you guys..."
"Took you long enough. But I'm not one of the souls you're after."
The reaper hits the table with the scythe. Objects fall onto the floor.
"Just wait and see."
"Wait for what?"
Bubba enters the door and sees the reaper.
He trips over something the reaper knocked on the floor. Falls onto the scythe on the table. The machette falls from his hands and cuts Keith free.
"Names Keith, whoa, your color is different..."
The reaper sighs.
"No matter, my name is not on that list of yours."
"How did you kno..."
"You don't have a rank?"
"Figures, a noobie. Your not the first reaper I've met."
"I'm not a noobie! ...people who aren't on the verge of dying cannot see us."
"Same thing the last one said. I wish I knew why too."
Slides on his backpack and grabs the list from the reaper.
"See my name is not on there. Now come on follow me. So will the souls your after."
They leave the shed and start walking down the path.
"Hay, you. What do you think you're doin? Stealin my dinner?!"
He jumps on his four wheeler and starts driving towards them. Pulling out his shotgun in a hurry he accidently shoots the four wheeler causing it to stop and sling him off. He flys into the reapers scythe.
Keith starts going through the persons pocket to find his stolen wallet.
"How exactly do you know why this is happening?"
"I was cursed by someone before I could remember... Some sort of extreme bad luck. Thats gets me into and out of situations. These people tried to harm me."
"Maybe the second part is karma."
"I've seen way too many people get away with 'bad' things for it to just be karma."
"Karma is like irony. You see this man never got ahead in life. So when he lost his life it meant losing his head."
Keith looks up to see a beautiful girl who has her hands behind her back. She smirks at him. He stands up and brushes his hair with his hand.
"Hey, there sexy. You ever think about leaving this place?"
She smiles showing her teeth. Keith throws up in his mouth. She pushes him down on the ground and begins to start up the chainsaw she had hidden behind herself. She swings at the reaper who blocks it with the scythe. Keith trips her and she falls onto her chainsaw.
"What a shame."
"What? You can still get a piece. Maybe even two."
"No... I swallowed my throw up." *cough*