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Thread: Spirit Fanfiction: Spirit and his herd!

  1. #1
    Senior Member UCantTameMe has a reputation beyond repute UCantTameMe has a reputation beyond repute UCantTameMe has a reputation beyond repute UCantTameMe has a reputation beyond repute UCantTameMe has a reputation beyond repute UCantTameMe has a reputation beyond repute UCantTameMe has a reputation beyond repute UCantTameMe has a reputation beyond repute UCantTameMe has a reputation beyond repute UCantTameMe has a reputation beyond repute UCantTameMe has a reputation beyond repute UCantTameMe's Avatar
    Gil
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    Default Spirit Fanfiction: Spirit and his herd!

    Spirit is laying on the ground taking a nap next to Rain and his foals are all around. Spirit is 5 years old.

    Spirit gets up and stretches his legs while his eldest foal Mira trots over. "Morning Dad!" She says kicking her back legs at one of her siblings. "Morning Mira! How is the herd this morning?" Spirit asks his eldest daughter. "Good! Reba ran headfirst into a tree because Turren dared her to run up the edge of a cliff and she missed. Thats the only injury." Mira reported. "Good, I think. Go wake the others. We move to the plains today. I am racing up to the cliff to meet with Logan's dad about moving the herd to greener pastures. See you when I get back." Spirit said galloping off.
    At the cliff Spirit reared and neighed as loud as he could to see if Logan (Mira's future mate) and his dad were around. All of a sudden he heard a reply from the distance. It was Logan and he was yelling for Spirit. "Spirit! White man is about. Return your herd to the valley." Spirit looked and saw Logan galloping as fast as he could. Logan got up to the cliff and stood beside Spirit. "Where's Kayden?" Spirit asked referring to Logan's dad. "He stayed with the herd to move them away from the white man. He sent me to warn you. Now go. Move your herd now. NOW GO!" Logan said galloping off leaving Spirit to think. Spirit looked in the distance and saw what Logan was talking about. White settlers were about making homes for themselves in HIS territory. Spirit ran off to warn his herd.
    "White man is about. Move now! Go to the valley! NOW!" Spirit said pushing Rain ahead of him. "Okay" was all Rain could say before Spirit ran to the back of the herd. Mira ran to him. "Is Logan okay?" Mira asked as her father ran off. As the herd started to move Spirit heard a shout. "DADDY HELP ME!" Spirit looked for the source of the cry for help. It was Maddox, Spirit's youngest colt. He had been captured by the white man. "RUN EVERYONE NOW" Spirit yelled at his herd. As they ran the white man was quickly confused and Maddox was able to free himself from their ropes. Running along side his dad Maddix said "Thanks daddy." He ran away chasing his sister Maciee.
    Finally Spirit and Rain managed to get the herd into the valley. Mira ran to the edge and saw Logan galloping towards them. "Logan! Dad Logan's coming!" Mira yelled. Spirit ran next to her. Logan managed to squeeze in beside Spirit. "My family has been captured."

    If you want me to continue this pm me!
    Last edited by Fabala; 09-07-2008 at 06:14 AM.

  2. #2
    Senior Member +Namiko+ has a reputation beyond repute +Namiko+ has a reputation beyond repute +Namiko+ has a reputation beyond repute +Namiko+ has a reputation beyond repute +Namiko+ has a reputation beyond repute +Namiko+ has a reputation beyond repute +Namiko+ has a reputation beyond repute +Namiko+ has a reputation beyond repute +Namiko+ has a reputation beyond repute +Namiko+ has a reputation beyond repute +Namiko+ has a reputation beyond repute +Namiko+'s Avatar
    Gil
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    WOW!! Didn't expect a SPIRIT fanfic in here! This is cool!! Please continue!

    Oh, and here's a pointer, fon't make all of yor dialouge in one Paragraph. Separate with paragraphs and actions, for instance.

    Namiko and Hyozan Were walking in the park.
    "Are you Ok?" asked Namiko, "You seem down."
    "I don't know," said Hyouzan, "I miss my family."

    or

    Namiko and Hyozan Were walking in the park.

    "Are you Ok?" asked Namiko, "You seem down."

    "I don't know," said Hyouzan, "I miss my family."

    Just a suggestion, I love Spirit! Horses ROCK!!


    Fatal Frame II




    Because Friendship is MAGIC!

  3. #3
    boopaloop! Daenerys has a reputation beyond repute Daenerys has a reputation beyond repute Daenerys has a reputation beyond repute Daenerys has a reputation beyond repute Daenerys has a reputation beyond repute Daenerys has a reputation beyond repute Daenerys has a reputation beyond repute Daenerys has a reputation beyond repute Daenerys has a reputation beyond repute Daenerys has a reputation beyond repute Daenerys has a reputation beyond repute Daenerys's Avatar
    Gil
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    I really dont think double spacing a story will make it look more professional or neater. That's the worst advice you can give someone. It's obnoxious to read and no one will take you seriously.

    I do however agree, that everytime a new person speaks, a new line should start. That's how most novels are written.
    making emo kids[/URL] cry since 1998


  4. #4
    Senior Member +Namiko+ has a reputation beyond repute +Namiko+ has a reputation beyond repute +Namiko+ has a reputation beyond repute +Namiko+ has a reputation beyond repute +Namiko+ has a reputation beyond repute +Namiko+ has a reputation beyond repute +Namiko+ has a reputation beyond repute +Namiko+ has a reputation beyond repute +Namiko+ has a reputation beyond repute +Namiko+ has a reputation beyond repute +Namiko+ has a reputation beyond repute +Namiko+'s Avatar
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    I really dont think double spacing a story will make it look more professional or neater. That's the worst advice you can give someone. It's obnoxious to read and no one will take you seriously.
    Ok, sorry. Sometimes It's easier to keep track of that way. Keep up the good work UCantTameMe! Cant wait to hear from you again. I like the plot. And the names you chose were really good, especially Kayden. I like that.


    Fatal Frame II




    Because Friendship is MAGIC!

  5. #5
    Senior Member UCantTameMe has a reputation beyond repute UCantTameMe has a reputation beyond repute UCantTameMe has a reputation beyond repute UCantTameMe has a reputation beyond repute UCantTameMe has a reputation beyond repute UCantTameMe has a reputation beyond repute UCantTameMe has a reputation beyond repute UCantTameMe has a reputation beyond repute UCantTameMe has a reputation beyond repute UCantTameMe has a reputation beyond repute UCantTameMe has a reputation beyond repute UCantTameMe's Avatar
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    Thanks you guys!

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