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Thread: Kimi ga Nozomu Eien - Rumbling Hearts

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    Default Kimi ga Nozomu Eien - Rumbling Hearts

    First, the link to "Rumbling Hearts" from Kimi ga Nozomu Eien.


    And now the blow by blow.

    Original Japanese/English in code, suggested revision below with comments in parentheses.

    Code:
    Anata he no omoi  Ikiteku
    Anata e no omoi ikiteku

    (he is an inappropriate romanization for this grammatical particle)

    Code:
    The distant rainbow we met
    My memory of you will live on
    For eternity
    We can find each other under that far-off rainbow
    My memories for you live on
    Forever

    (the original misses the potential conjugation and misconstrues the object of the sentence)

    Code:
    The soft wind holds
    Your memory my heart becomes painful
    On top of the hill by myself
    The seasons are waiving
    Embraced by the gentle wind,
    My heart agonizes over memories of you
    Alone atop the hill,
    I watch the seasons pass

    (the original misses the subject and is generally awkward)

    Code:
    Beyond the blue skies
    What can I see?
    I want courage
    And pray for silence
    What can be seen
    Beyond the blue skies?
    I pray silently:
    Please give me courage

    (the last line in the original mistakes an adverb for a direct object)

    Code:
    I can't go back anymore
    To your arms wrapped around me
    The gentle days
    The hazy summer memories remain
    The tiny fireworks disappear
    Even now
    Now there's no going back,
    Back to those tender days
    Wrapped in your arms
    Those summer memories still faintly remain
    And the little fireworks do not disappear
    Even now

    (the second to last line in the original mistranslates a negative verb as affirmative)

    Code:
    The water sprays the light pours
    It looks like crystal! Look!
    It shines
    Even the innocent smile
    I am taken by it
    The sprinkler water glitters in the sunlight
    And oh!
    How it shines like a crystal
    That innocent smile
    Takes me away

    (the original is very literal and awkward)

    Code:
    Our fingertips touch
    That degree of uneasiness
    For just a little more
    Hold me like this
    Each time our fingers touch
    I become ill at ease
    Please hold on to me
    For just a moment longer

    (the original omits a word and loses the semantic connection between the first two lines)

    Code:
    I can't return anymore
    Hesitating to be hurt
    Those young days
    Inside my heart, the secret is raised
    The tiny memory disappears
    Even now
    I can no longer return
    To the days of my youth
    When I feared pain
    I cannot forget
    These feelings I've held deep in my heart
    Not now

    (the original loses the semantic connection throughout the stanza, mistranslates a negative verb, and mistranslates the meaning of the particle "de wa" in this context)

    Code:
    Someday
    Everything will
    Become gentle
    That day I saw the seven-colored dream
    The distant rainbow we met
    My memory of you will live on
    For eternity
    I know that someday
    This will all become sweet memories
    The rainbow-like dream I had on that day
    We can find each other under that far-off rainbow
    My memories for you live on
    Forever

    (the original mistakes a noun for an adjective; some free translation added to make sense in English)

    I realize that my translation may have some awkwardness in it, but I hope it can serve as a basis for better revisions.

    The purpose of this revision is to fix clear grammatical and translation errors.

    The full revision draft is attached.
    Attached Files

  2. #2
    紺碧の闇
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    Default

    Code:
    Anata he no omoi  Ikiteku
    Anata e no omoi ikiteku

    (he is an inappropriate romanization for this grammatical particle)
    I actually agree with you that 'he' is to me the wrong romanization for that particle but different transliterators have different conventions and you should know that.

    That aside, I agree with the translation corrections on just a short look-through because the current one is definitely terrible.

    ...have you played Kiminozo? I'm just one of the many people traumatized by it (and when this song plays I get so disturbed...)

    祝! 『禁断の病棟』 アニメ化!

  3. #3
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    Yeah, still struggling for the Mitsuki ending. I'm not sure how I ended up with Akane on my last playthrough, but I'm not complaining. Mmm, spicy meatball.

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