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Thread: Sacrifice by Ali Project

  1. #1
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    Default Sacrifice by Ali Project

    Yes, I know that it can be a nightmare translating Ali Project songs, but sometimes I am willing to give it a try...

    ガラスの空の下
    この都会は瓦礫の森

    Under the glass sky
    this city is rubble of forest

    ネオン色の夢が散る
    其処ここに 無惨に綺麗に
    その間を渡ってく
    いまあたしは あなたに逢いたい
    生きるために

    Dream of neon color scatters
    in this place here, cruelly and beautifully
    crossing over to that space
    now I want to meet you
    in order to live

    地下室に潜んだ
    子供らの 目には目を

    The eye of child's eye is
    hidden in the cellar

    裁き合う許し合う
    ひとりでは 穢れは拭えず
    注ぎたい捧げたい
    ただこの身の 赤い赤い血を
    生きる証を

    both judgement and pardon
    (?)
    I want to pour, I want to lift up
    only this body's red-red blood
    as a proof of life

    堕落の楽園で
    快楽は美徳の神
    獣は肉体を喰み
    少女らは虚無を孕む

    At the paradice of degradation
    Pleasure is a virtue of gods
    (?)
    Girls are filled with nothingness

    もっと光を

    More light

    地下室に眠れる
    子供らの 歯には歯を
    御母の御胸は
    あまりに遠すぎる

    The tooth of child's tooth is
    sleeping in the cellar
    Mother's chest
    is too distant

    あふれる愛の炎を
    さもなくば気高き死を
    ガラスの空の下
    この世中瓦礫の森

    Flame of love floods
    (?)
    Under the glass sky
    this world is rubble of forest

    I couldn't translate some lines, and I would apreciate help with it, as well as a second opinion in paragraphs composition.
    Thanks,
    Ida.

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    Default

    >this city is rubble of forest

    Something to keep in mind: XのY is "the Y of X," not "the X of Y." You've translated the line as if it says 森の瓦礫, but it's 瓦礫の森, so rather than "(the) rubble of (a) forest," it should be "a forest of rubble." (Personally I think "ruins" would sound nicer than "rubble," but that's up to you.)

    >Dream of neon color scatters

    "A neon-colored dream" would sound more natural

    >地下室に潜んだ
    >子供らの 目には目を

    This is a tricky bit and it took me a while to figure it out, but I think I've got it now. First of all, it says 子供ら -- "children," plural. Second, 地下室に潜んだ is modifying the children themselves, not the eyes. Lastly, 目には目を seems to correspond directly to the English expression "an eye for an eye." So it's along the lines of "an eye for the eyes of the children hidden in the basement."

    >ひとりでは 穢れは拭えず

    Seems pretty straightforward to me -- "I cannot cleanse this impurity alone." If you tell me what part you were having trouble with, I may be able to explain it.

    >At the paradice of degradation
    It's spelled "paradise."

    >Pleasure is a virtue of gods

    As with the "瓦礫の森" line, you're translating as if it's 神の美徳 rather than 美徳の神. 美徳の神 would be "virtuous god," I believe.

    >獣は肉体を喰み

    "Beasts feed on flesh." Again, I'm not sure what part was tripping you up, but if you tell me I can try to explain.

    >地下室に眠れる
    >子供らの 歯には歯を

    This follows the same pattern as the previous stanza with this structure -- it's really the same but with "sleeping" rather than "hidden" and "a tooth for the teeth of..." rather than "an eye for the eyes of..."

    >あふれる愛の炎を
    >さもなくば気高き死を

    There's an omitted verb in both these lines, but I'm not sure what it is. Anyway, generally with omitted verbs, unless I have a very good idea what they are I don't translate the line as a full sentence. What I'd do here is "The overflowing flame of love... / The otherwise sublime death..." but if you'd rather do "the flame of love overflows / death is sublime" or something like that, it wouldn't be wrong.

    Overall, I think you've done a good job, considering that Ali Project is, well, Ali Project. I hope my feedback was helpful to you.

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    Default

    Thank you very much!
    My Japanese is limited by a dictionary and an electronic translator, plus a highly vague knowledge of grammar, so when I can't translate something it is because at least one of those things failed me in a particular sentence. So, again, thank you. It is very appreciated.

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