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Thread: Goodbye

  1. #1
    Junior Member Obi-Wan Kenobi is on a distinguished road Obi-Wan Kenobi's Avatar
    Gil
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    Default Goodbye

    Cruising through my head, a crevice here and there, burdens that I bare, and woes that I seal.
    Never to reach beauty, neither heavens nor affairs.
    Murmer altogether, and open otherwise.
    Tingle amazed, and shed beyond crazed, open minded wounds to forever frighten and scar.
    Behold, a hand, soft of touch and full of fear. Hatred.
    Do not fear my darling. Do not hesitate. I will vanish someday, perish off the face of Earth, and surely begone...
    May this help you out...To know...You will always seem superior in my eyes...Goodbye...
    Last edited by Daenerys; 04-17-2008 at 02:53 AM.


    An unforgetable epic.

  2. #2
    Senior Member Future_Defense has a reputation beyond repute Future_Defense has a reputation beyond repute Future_Defense has a reputation beyond repute Future_Defense has a reputation beyond repute Future_Defense has a reputation beyond repute Future_Defense has a reputation beyond repute Future_Defense has a reputation beyond repute Future_Defense has a reputation beyond repute Future_Defense has a reputation beyond repute Future_Defense has a reputation beyond repute Future_Defense has a reputation beyond repute Future_Defense's Avatar
    Gil
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    Length! Try to make it longer. I loved the word choices, and the way the poem is put together seems more... real. Keep it up.
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  3. #3
    boopaloop! Daenerys has a reputation beyond repute Daenerys has a reputation beyond repute Daenerys has a reputation beyond repute Daenerys has a reputation beyond repute Daenerys has a reputation beyond repute Daenerys has a reputation beyond repute Daenerys has a reputation beyond repute Daenerys has a reputation beyond repute Daenerys has a reputation beyond repute Daenerys has a reputation beyond repute Daenerys has a reputation beyond repute Daenerys's Avatar
    Gil
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    I think it would have been better and seemed more complete if you spaced it out a little more. It reads more like a distorted paragraph than a poem.
    making emo kids[/URL] cry since 1998


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