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Thread: "Spirale" by Makino Yui - Aria ~The Origination~ Opening Theme (3rd season)

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    Default "Spirale" by Makino Yui - Aria ~The Origination~ Opening Theme (3rd season)

    Edit #1 - Thanks to AzureDark for corrections and suggestions. See individual posts for my replies.
    Edit #2 - Corrected spelling error of "irreplacable" -> "irreplaceable"

    Aria TVS03 ~ The Origination
    BGN01 - Spirale (Full CD single version)


    Acoustic piano, keyboards & programming: 窪田ミナ (Kubota Mina)
    Percussion: 菅原一真 (Kanbara Ichishin)
    Harp: 朝川朋之 (Asakawa Tomoyuki)
    Strings: 杉野 裕ストリングズ (Sugino Yuu Strings)
    Backing vocal: 牧野由依 (Makino Yui)

    NOTE: Names are difficult to transliterate because there are so many different readings for one pair of kanji compounds. I did my best, but I may be wrong. Please keep that in mind when you offer corrections.

    Kanji and kana from the CD single booklet.
    Romaji transliteration by me.
    English translation by me.

    [Verse 1]
    覚えていますか? あの日を
    ふと感じた ときめさを
    Oboete imasu ka? Ano hi wo
    Futo kanjita, tokimesa wo


    Do you remember that day?
    I suddenly felt the throbbing of my heart
    蒼い日差し浴びて
    風を切る君に
    見とれてると 目が合って
    笑顔こぼれた
    まるで スピラーレ
    Aoi hizashi abite
    Kaze wo kiru kimi ni
    Mitorete'ru to, me ga atte
    Egao koboreta
    maru de, spirale


    While I was fascinated by your figure
    Cutting through the wind
    And bathing in the pale sunlight, our eyes met
    My smile overflowed
    As though it were a spirale (spiral)
    [Chorus 1]
    鮮やかに 回り出した日々
    いつも いつでも
    愛が満ちていた
    きっと スピラーレ
    あたたかな 毎日を重ねたら
    いつの間にか 遠くに
    来ていたのね
    Azayaka ni, mawari-dashita hibi
    Itsumo, itsudemo
    Ai ga michite ita
    Kitto, spirale
    Atataka na, mainichi wo kasanetara
    Itsu no ma ni ka, tooku ni
    Kite ita no ne


    Those days that were vividly beginning to turn
    Always, at any time
    They were full of love
    Surely, it is a spirale (spiral)
    If we pile up those warm everydays
    Before we know it,
    We've come a long way, haven't we.
    [Verse 2]
    覚えていますか? あの夜
    初めて見た きらめきを
    Oboete imasu ka? Ano yoru
    Hajimete mita, kirameki wo


    Do you remember? That night
    I saw a sparkle for the first time
    星降る桃源郷
    みんなで向かった
    見渡す空 透きとおり
    心震えた
    それは スピラーレ
    Hoshi furu tougenkyou
    Minna de mukatta
    Miwatasu sora, suki toori
    Kokoro furueta
    Sore ha, spirale (spiral)


    A Shangri-La of falling stars
    We turned towards it
    Looking out over the sky, piercing through an opening
    Our hearts trembled
    That was a spirale (spiral)
    [Chorus 2]
    愛しくて 泣きたくなる日々
    めぐり めぐって
    旅立つ日が来る
    でも スピラーレ
    優しさは 色あせず息づいて
    胸に抱いて 行くから
    忘れないわ
    Itoshikute, nakitaku naru hibi
    Meguri, megutte
    Tabidatsu hi ga kuru
    Demo, spirale (spiral)
    Yasashisa ha, iroasezu ikitzuite
    Mune ni daite, iku kara
    Wasurenai wa


    Those beloved days when I (become such that I) want to cry
    They come around, and come around again
    The day to set out on a journey will come
    But, it's a spiral
    Because I deeply inhale the unfading gentleness
    and embrace it in my chest before moving on
    I will not forget it
    [Bridge]
    もし魔法をかけられたら
    かけがえのない時間を
    止めてしまいたい
    グラッツェ チ ヴェディアーモ
    Moshi mahou wo kakeraretara
    Kakegai no nai jikan* wo
    Tomete shimaitai
    Grazie, ci vediamo

    *read as "toki"


    If I could cast magic
    I would want to completely freeze
    This irreplaceable moment
    Thank you, we'll meet again
    [Chorus 3]
    いつまでも 手を振りたい日々
    ここに たしかに
    君といた証
    ずっと スピラーレ
    この先も 続いてる道がある
    次の坂を 登ったら
    また会いましょう
    Itsumademo, te wo furitai hibi
    Koko ni, tashika ni
    Kimi to ita akashi
    Zutto, spirale
    Kono saki mo, tsutzuite'ru michi ga aru
    Tsugi no saka wo, nobottara
    Mata aimashou


    Those days when I want to wave my hand for all eternity
    In this place, certainly
    There is proof of being with you
    Surely, it is a spiral
    Up ahead of us, there is a road that continues
    If you climb the next hill
    Let us meet again
    ---

    In the English translation, I tried my best to maintain the poetic phrasing of the language, as opposed to creating a fully-based prose version. However, based on comments and suggestions from other readers, I have changed the word order and sentence structure to reflect a more prose-like version for the sake of comprehension.

    Corrections and suggestions appreciated.

    Yoroshiku ne,
    -T.Zukumori
    Last edited by Tzukumori; 03-27-2008 at 11:21 AM. Reason: Applying corrections and suggestions; adding artist and composer information

  2. #2
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    Problem with poetic licensing is that often different "poets" do it differently. I am of this stream of translators, but sometimes I could take things too literal for my own good, so you can ignore some of these below!

    (v1)
    >I suddenly felt the beating of my heart
    "Beating" sounds too soft for ときめき. I'd put "throbbing", but this word is one of those words you'd find hard to express over in English even if it is all too common in informal Japanese.

    (v1?) (how do you actually define a bridge?)
    >Bathing in the pale sunlight
    >Your figure cutting through the wind
    >While I was fascinated (by you), our eyes met
    >Our smiles overflowed

    I know these lines are structured concurrently with the kanji/romaji, but I'm a person who likes to be quite flexible with it, so I'd change the structure so that the first two lines are clearer (that one, first line isn't clear that it's in the first person and the second is a hanging noun; a little rearrangement could be helpful).
    I don't think it's "our" for the last line though - the singer, while she may be smiling herself, sees this only in the first person. The only thing backing you is if whatever 'spirale' is could exist (or be expressed like) as a dual entity.

    [C2]
    >Those beloved days when I want to cry
    I read up somewhere that, if it had been an unrelated adjective as how you translated it, it would be 愛しく 泣きたくなる日々. Since 'itoshii' is joined with -te, means the adjectives would be directly related.

    >I embrace it in my chest, because I will move on
    >[But] I will not forget it

    Again, it may probably be your style of arrangement and poetry but the delivery is kinda flawed. Here, I'll lay it out for you and also give the same advice on flexibility so you can see that
    [優しさは色あせず息づいて], [胸に抱いて 行く]から, (忘れないわ)

    > Kake gai no nai toki (but written as JIKAN) wo
    *kakegae
    Also, 'jikan' is a figurative - you should reflect your translation based on what is written, but put what is sung in the romaji with a footnote on that.

    >If I could use magic
    >This irreplacable time
    >I would want to freeze completely

    Another not-so-flexible flow, and also while this is a minimal nitpick, I'd use "cast", since "use" is 使う.

    >Those days when I want to touch your hand for all eternity
    Nope, it's 振る, not 握る! But well, translating that would be awfully weird anyway.

    祝! 『禁断の病棟』 アニメ化!

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    Dear AzureDark:

    Quote Originally Posted by AzureDark View Post
    Problem with poetic licensing is that often different "poets" do it differently. I am of this stream of translators, but sometimes I could take things too literal for my own good, so you can ignore some of these below!
    First of all, thank you for taking the time to respond and error-correct my work. I appreciate it. Please see my responses below.

    Quote Originally Posted by AzureDark View Post
    >I suddenly felt the beating of my heart
    "Beating" sounds too soft for ときめき. I'd put "throbbing".
    Suggestion understood and acknowledged. Please see original post for implementation.

    Quote Originally Posted by AzureDark View Post
    (v1?) (how do you actually define a bridge?)
    >Bathing in the pale sunlight
    >Your figure cutting through the wind
    >While I was fascinated (by you), our eyes met
    >Our smiles overflowed

    I know these lines are structured concurrently with the kanji/romaji, but I'm a person who likes to be quite flexible with it, so I'd change the structure so that the first two lines are clearer. [...] I don't think it's "our" for the last line though.
    Suggestion understood and acknowledged. Please see original post for implementation.

    Most popular songs are structured in sections, similar to the stanzas found in most forms of poetry. This musical structure is called "strophic" structure, and the most frequent components are the intro, verse, chorus, bridge and coda.

    Wikipedia explains the bridge quite succintly (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Song_structure_(popular_music)#Bridge):

    "A bridge is a musical interlude that connects two parts of that song, building a harmonic connection between those parts. Normally you should have heard the verse at least twice. The bridge may then replace the 3rd verse or precede it. In the latter case, it delays an expected chorus. The chorus after the bridge is usually last and is often repeated in order to stress that it is final. If and when you expect a verse or a chorus and you get something that is musically and lyrically different from both verse and chorus, it is most likely the bridge."

    Quote Originally Posted by AzureDark View Post
    [C2]
    >Those beloved days when I want to cry
    I read up somewhere that, if it had been an unrelated adjective as how you translated it, it would be 愛しく 泣きたくなる日々. Since 'itoshii' is joined with -te, means the adjectives would be directly related.
    I'm not sure I understand what you are saying. "Itoshii (lovely, dear, beloved)" is an -i stem adjective (e.g., itoshii hibi = beloved days). As such, "itoshiku" (lovingly, dearly) is the adjectival form (e.g., itoshiku fureru = to lovingly touch something). As an -i stem adjective, it may be joined to other adjectives using the -kute ending (e.g., itoshikute natsukashii hibi = beloved and nostalgic days).

    As you said, the -kute form directly links the adjectival "itoshii (dear, beloved)" to the verbal clause "nakitaku naru (to become such that one wants to cry)" so that both may function together as adjectival modifiers to the noun "hibi (days), thus rendering "beloved days when I (become such that I) want to cry".

    Where did I go wrong in my translation? Please explain.

    Quote Originally Posted by AzureDark View Post
    >I embrace it in my chest, because I will move on
    >[But] I will not forget it

    Again, it may probably be your style of arrangement and poetry but the delivery is kinda flawed. Here, I'll lay it out for you and also give the same advice on flexibility so you can see that
    [優しさは色あせず息づいて], [胸に抱いて 行く]から, (忘れないわ)
    Corrections and suggestion understood and acknowledged. Please see original post for implementation.

    Quote Originally Posted by AzureDark View Post
    > Kake gai no nai toki (but written as JIKAN) wo
    *kakegae
    Also, 'jikan' is a figurative - you should reflect your translation based on what is written, but put what is sung in the romaji with a footnote on that.
    Corrections and suggestion understood and acknowledged. Please see original post for implementation.

    Quote Originally Posted by AzureDark View Post
    >If I could use magic
    >This irreplacable time
    >I would want to freeze completely

    Another not-so-flexible flow, and also while this is a minimal nitpick, I'd use "cast", since "use" is 使う.
    Suggestion understood and acknowledged. Please see original post for implementation.

    Quote Originally Posted by AzureDark View Post
    >Those days when I want to touch your hand for all eternity
    Nope, it's 振る, not 握る! But well, translating that would be awfully weird anyway.
    Corrections understood and acknowledged. Please see original post for implementation.

    Again, thank you for your time.

    Respectfully,
    -T.Zukumori

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    Don't be such a robot, Zukumori. We've met before. Remember the big kana romanization post?

    For the one point that raised your doubt above, it was of my opinion that the singer does not actually "love" the actual "days", but describing "days of loving (someone or something) that brings her to tears".

    I have two arguments which may probably be weak...

    1. Your translation would mean 泣きたいくらい愛しい日々。It might be a bit unnoticeable but that is not equivalent with our original line.

    2. Replacing 日々 with another noun that is of the same kind, 時, would give:
    愛しくて 泣きたくなる時
    which gives "the times when I love such that I want to cry". Notice anything? It means it is not the days or anything else that is being loved; it is only describing the period when such feeling arose.

    祝! 『禁断の病棟』 アニメ化!

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    Quote Originally Posted by AzureDark View Post
    Don't be such a robot, Zukumori. We've met before. Remember the big kana romanization post?
    Ah, yes. I remember. So we have met. Hello, again. I guess I should apologize for the stiffness of my tone, but years of writing instructional e-mails at work have seeped into my mode of conversing, if only to avoid time-consuming misunderstanding between co-workers. I was not trying to offend.

    Quote Originally Posted by AzureDark View Post
    For the one point that raised your doubt above, it was of my opinion that the singer does not actually "love" the actual "days", but describing "days of loving (someone or something) that brings her to tears".

    I have two arguments which may probably be weak...

    1. Your translation would mean 泣きたいくらい愛しい日々。It might be a bit unnoticeable but that is not equivalent with our original line.

    2. Replacing 日々 with another noun that is of the same kind, 時, would give:
    愛しくて 泣きたくなる時
    which gives "the times when I love such that I want to cry". Notice anything? It means it is not the days or anything else that is being loved; it is only describing the period when such feeling arose.
    Of the bat, I would translate your #2 as "the beloved time(s) when I wanted to cry" in the same sense that 楽しくて 覚えたくなる時 means "the enjoyable time that I want to remember", and not "the times which I enjoyed such that I want to remember".

    *thinks for a bit*

    The different between:

    1. "the days when (during which) I loved (something/ someone)" = 何か/誰かが愛している日々= ai shite iru hibi

    and

    2. "the time that I loved/ the beloved time" = 愛した日々/愛しい日々 = ai shita hibi/ itoshii hibi

    To be honest, I'm not even sure that the above dichotomy is as fundamentally sound as I would like to understand it to be.

    So, I understand what you are saying. However, this is how I see it:

    1. As I understand it, "itoshii" is an adjective, and not a verb. "Itoshii hito" = "beloved person", and not "someone who loves (insert direct object here)". At best, it might be "someone whom I (the speaker) love", which I see as another way of saying "beloved person".

    2. Ironically, to my understanding, "days (or time period) of loving something (direct object) that it brings her to tears" might be rendered as such in Japanese: なきたくなるほど/くらい 愛する日々。

    ほど/くらい would be used to reflect the implied conditional statement of degree in the English:

    "the times when I love such that I want to cry" = "the times when I love so much to the extent that (conditional clause) I want to cry".

    This is why I think:

    泣きたいくらい 愛しい日々= Those days which are beloved/ dear to me to the extent that I want to cry.

    But if you remove くらい, put and change the -i stem to -kute to join the adjectives:

    泣きたくて 愛しい日々= Those days which are (both) beloved/ dear to me and (are days) when I want to cry. In this instance, changing the word order and putting 愛しい/愛しくて at the beginning would not affect the meaning much, except to lend more emphasis on the fact that they are "beloved/ dear to the me".

    But, you do raise an interesting point. I will have to ask my sempai about this one.

    Kind regards,
    -T.Zukumori

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    You know what? I thought about it again the past few days and saw that you were right all along.

    祝! 『禁断の病棟』 アニメ化!

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    No worries. I did ask my sempai to take a look at it as well, and he supported my translation. We also had a bit of fun swapping out various -i stem adjectives, intransitive/ transitive verbs and changing the tense to see how else we could manipulate the grammatical structure:

    1. 楽しくて 笑いたくなる日々 (Tanoshikute, waraitaku naru hibi)
    2. 嬉しくて 友人と一緒に時間を過ごしたくなる日々 (Ureshikute, yuujin to issho ni jikan wo sugoshitaku naru hibi)
    3. つまらなくて 何もしたくなかった日々 (Tsumaranakute, nani mo shitakunakatta hibi) <-- my personal favorite.

    It was a good learning experience.

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    You're lucky to have a sensei who could discuss about song translation...

    祝! 『禁断の病棟』 アニメ化!

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    Since no one else wants to discuss this or offer corrections/ suggestions, I've submitted it on the main website.

    Thanks,
    -T.Z.

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    I've put down the right staff names for you. It's easy to do it with just a little work and Google.

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    Y'know, it never crossed my mind to do that.

    Thanks for doing the legwork.
    -T.Z.

    FYI: You might want to remove the kanji for the names from the Romaji/ English translation page because they're not showing up correctly (at least not on my browser): http://www.animelyrics.com/anime/ariaorig/spirale.htm
    Last edited by Tzukumori; 03-29-2008 at 02:22 PM.

  12. #12
    紺碧の闇
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    Gil
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    Right, yes, you can't put Japanese characters in fields other than the Kanji field.

    祝! 『禁断の病棟』 アニメ化!

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