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Thread: Higurashi - Naraku no Hana

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    Default Higurashi - Naraku no Hana

    Hi all, it's translation help time again! (Questions are listed below)

    奈落の花 (Naraku no Hana - Flower of Hell)

    歌・作詞:島みやえい子
    作曲:中沢伴行
    編曲:中沢伴行・尾崎武士

    Vocals/Lyrics: Eiko SHIMAMIYA
    Music: Tomoyuki NAKAZAWA
    Arrangement: Tomoyuki NAKAZAWA/Takeshi OZAKI

    さぁ 忘れましょう その未来が
    また 血ぬられてゆくなんて
    なまぬるい風 とぐろを巻いたら
    それがたぶん 合図

    saa wasuremashou sono mirai ga
    mata chinurarete yuku nante
    namanurui kaze toguro maitara
    sore ga tabun aizu

    Come, let us forget, that the future
    will once again be soaked in blood
    If a humid breeze coils around,
    that is probably... a sign

    抜け出してって 抜け出してって
    悲しすぎる運命から
    あなたは 奈落の花じゃない
    そんな場所で
    咲かないで 咲かないで
    からめとられて行かないで

    nukedashitette nukedashitette
    kanashi sugiru unmei kara
    anata wa naraku no hana jya nai
    sonna basho de
    sakanaide sakanaide
    karametorarete ikanaide

    Slip away, slip away
    from this fate too sorrowful
    You are not a flower of hell
    Don't bloom, don't bloom
    in a place like that
    Don't be imprisoned there

    音もなく飛び交う 時のかけら

    oto mo naku tobikau toki no kakera

    Fragments of time, soundlessly spiraling in the air

    誰がこの手を にぎっているの?
    誰がこの髪を なでているの?
    今泣いていた もえぎの中で [1]
    感じる 合図

    dare ga kono te wo nigitte iru no?
    dare ga kono kami wo nadete iru no?
    ima naiteita moegi no nakade [1]
    kanjiru aizu

    Who is holding my hand?
    Who is stroking my hair?
    Just now, while crying in the young grass [1]
    I could feel it; a sign

    飛び越えてって 飛び越えてって
    運命のはぐるまから
    あなたは 奈落の花じゃない
    そんな場所で
    散らないで 散らないで
    そして種を残さないで

    tobikoettete tobikoettete
    unmei no haguruma kara
    anata wa naraku no hana jya nai
    sonna basho de
    chiranaide chiranaide
    soshite tane wo nokosanaide

    Fly away, fly away
    from the gears of fate
    You are not a flower of hell
    Don't wilt, don't wilt
    in a place like that
    And don't leave your seeds there

    芽を出せばふたたび廻るカルマ [2]

    me wo daseba futatabi mawaru KARUMA [2]

    If they sprout, the same Karma revolves [2]

    抜け出してって 抜け出してって
    悲しすぎる運命から
    あなたは 奈落の花じゃない
    そんな場所で
    咲かないで 咲かないで
    からめとられて行かないで

    nukedashitette nukedashitette
    kanashi sugiru unmei kara
    anata wa naraku no hana jya nai
    sonna basho de
    sakanaide sakanaide
    karametorarete ikanaide

    Slip away, slip away
    from this fate too sorrowful
    You are not a flower of hell
    Don't bloom, don't bloom
    in a place like that
    Don't be imprisoned there

    音もなく飛び交う 時のかけら

    oto mo naku tobikau toki no kakera

    Fragments of time, soundlessly spiraling in the air

    ---

    [1] 今泣いていた もえぎの中で /  感じる 合図 - I'm not sure I understand the mix of present and past tense here.

    [2] ふたたび廻るカルマ - I'm not sure how to translate this - the (same) Karma revolves once again? What does it mean for a Karma to revolve anyway?


    Thanks!

  2. #2
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    [1] If we treat both lines as one sentence I'd think it's structured as 今[(泣いていたもえぎ)の中で]感じる合図

    [2] Higu has taught me 輪廻 is "samsara" rather that translating that as "cycle of reincarnation" or something as bulky as that. This is probably another thing altogether but there's probably a Buddhist word for it. You could also try "regenerate" or something to that effect.
    Last edited by AzureDark; 03-23-2008 at 02:40 AM.

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    Some subtle points of nuance that might need some rechecking.

    >からめとられて[/]行かないで
    >Don't be imprisoned there
    からめとられる -> be entangled, ensnared
    行く -> go (away)
    I don't know if it's intentional, but you missed a verb here (there are two). It's a cause-and-effect structure (be ensnared [からめとられる] -> go away [行く]).
    -> "Don't be ensnared, and (forced to) go away".
    I can't find a better way to phrase this, but the direct translation would be something like that.

    >音もなく飛び交う 時のかけら
    >Fragments of time, soundlessly spiraling in the air
    Translating 飛び交う as "spiraling" seems a bit off to me. The direct meaning is "flying about" or "flying to and fro" (交う=cross, so the nuance is things flying this way and that, criss-crossing each other's paths).

    >今泣いていた もえぎの中で [1]
    >感じる 合図
    >Just now, while crying in the young grass [1]
    >I could feel it; a sign
    I agree with AzureDark. This is probably a metaphor, i.e. "the grass is crying (in the breeze)".


    >飛び越えてって 飛び越えてって
    >Fly away, fly away
    Again, translating 飛び越える as "fly away" doesn't seem right to me (if it were "fly away" the line should read 飛んでゆく). 越える means to go beyond or over (like traveling over a mountain), so the correctly translation should read "fly over" "fly above" or "fly beyond", or some such.

    >芽を出せばふたたび廻るカルマ [2]
    >If they sprout, the same Karma revolves [2]
    Note 「~だせば」. Not "if", but "when", i.e. "When they sprout".
    As for the Karma, in addition to what AzureDark said above, 輪廻 and カルマ carry an important meaning, namely that of your past deeds mattering in your next life. You know, like when you say "that's bad karma". A "what goes around, comes around" mentality, if you will. Which is fitting particularily for Higurashi because that's one of the themes; many of the characters end up paying for whatever crimes they previously committed in the end. Perhaps that could be a footnote, or something.
    My personal take is:
    ->When they sprout, Karma begins its cycle once again".

    Overall, a pretty sturdy translation. Nice work. Hope this helps.
    Last edited by Datenshi; 03-23-2008 at 07:53 AM.
    "If a person who indulges in gluttony is a glutton, and a person who commits a felony is a felon, then God is an iron."

    -Spider Robinson, God Is an Iron

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    Thank you azu and datenshi for your insightful comments

    > 今[(泣いていたもえぎ)の中で]感じる合図

    That does make sense, I just didn't picture the grass crying.

    > "Don't be ensnared, and (forced to) go away".

    Yeah, I took some poetic license here and shortened the translation. It's hard to make the concept of having to go away work well in English.

    Another thought occurred to me about this: what if the ~て行く here signifies an ongoing process (e.g. にじんで行く) instead of movement?

    > Translating 飛び交う as "spiraling" seems a bit off to me.

    Again, poetic license - I tried to imagine fragments flying around and past each other, and although spiraling is not a strict match I think it conveys that imagery somewhat.

    > Again, translating 飛び越える as "fly away" doesn't seem right to me

    I took 飛び越える here as to mean "escaping from inside a barrier," e.g. 壁を飛び越える. If "fly beyond" is used, though, it necessitates some thing to go beyond, but the next line is 運命のはぐるまから, which is necessarily a place to "fly away" from.

    > Note 「~だせば」. Not "if", but "when", i.e. "When they sprout".

    This is a tough one. "When" implies a certainty, which may not be desirable in this case, as it might imply that the earlier request " そして種を残さないで" fell on deaf ears. Perhaps I could translate it as: "If you do, when they sprout..."

    > Karma begins its cycle once again

    Ah, that sounds perfect. Can I use it verbatim?

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    In the end it's the translator's call, and your reasoning makes enough sense, at least to me. Just making sure they weren't unintentional ^-^

    Perhaps I could translate it as: "If you do, when they sprout..."
    I see what you mean now, and I'd go with that. An alternative I'd offer is: "If, and when they sprout..." to avoid the clutter.

    Ah, that sounds perfect. Can I use it verbatim?
    Hey, be my guest.
    "If a person who indulges in gluttony is a glutton, and a person who commits a felony is a felon, then God is an iron."

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