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Thread: Dating Etiquette

  1. #1
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    Question Dating Etiquette

    After having read this article, I began to wonder how much etiquette has changed.
    When I began dating, the rules were simple, whoever initiated the date, paid for the date. Whether it was a concert, dinner, a night at the cinema, whatever, whoever did the asking did the paying.
    As to when you've been dating a while, I think the fair thing to do is alternate who pays for the date out. And as a poor girl, I also believe in going out and doing things that require little to no expense. I love picnics and going to see Shakespeare in the park during the summers (both activities that require little funds). Heck a day at the zoo isn't all that bad either (if you can avoid animals escaping their enclosures).
    Anyway, what are your thoughts on dating etiquette?
    Do you believe the guy should always pay?
    Or do you think the highest earner should always pay?
    Or do you believe as I do that whoever does the asking should do the paying?
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    Yeah.. it's sad. I've been in 4 real relationships, and haven't even been taken out on a real date. :\ But at the same time, can't miss what I've never had. I'm not a picky person, I'm easily amused so going to the park with some chalk or playing scrabble is awesome for me.
    On top of that, I've always felt weird having others pay for me so I've never had a problem with pitching in.. when I have money. >_>
    Last edited by Ramona Flowers; 03-07-2008 at 07:23 PM.

  3. #3
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    I think that when it is a new couple, then the guy should always pay on a date. But when the relationship gets more serious, then each person should take turns paying.

  4. #4
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    I kinda agree with the person above.

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    Go dutch from first date to last. That's gender EQUALITY for you. Females clamored for it, then they should stand by it.



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    Someone mentioned above that each person should each take turns paying. I think that's right, each of you should talk to eachother and come up with some sort of an agreeement, because it's unfair to any one person paying all the time. But this is coming from someone that has lived 17 dateless years, this is what I speak from my studying, not my ignorance. If it was me, no matter what I'd do what I can for that person, even if I'm broke, I'll still come up with some way to do it!

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  7. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by Thingle View Post
    Go dutch from first date to last. That's gender EQUALITY for you. Females clamored for it, then they should stand by it.
    That would only really apply if you are dating a fem-nazi. Many women still believe in and expect chivalry.

    I think dating etiquette should vary depending on the individuals.
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  8. #8
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    Well I'm still in high school and have only gone out with one girl who had no income so I paid 08% of the time. I personally believe in the the half and half deal or you pay this time i pay next time ect. ect.
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    I think man and woman should be treated eqaully because where just equal to me.
    But mostily if i ask someone out and she expect me to pay for her i wouldn't have any trouble paying for her.
    Also when she would pay for me and i would have money i would just pay my own share.
    If the relation should last long then i would say pay with turns or just pay for your own share.
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  10. #10
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    guy pays it all..the woman repays him by letting him in after the date...

    NOTE: with 'in' i mean letting in to her place..<_<
    Last edited by Lune Cy; 03-08-2008 at 12:09 AM.
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    I guess i'm old school like Myrra. Whoever asks who out on a date, pays. I'd feel weird if a guy payed for every single date we go on.
    Besides it's in my nature to want to spend some money on another person, makes me feel good...

    And going dutch is to much of a fuss... if you really don't want to pay all the time, why not alternate who pays? Simple, yet effective.

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    Quote Originally Posted by jinglefox View Post
    I think that when it is a new couple, then the guy should always pay on a date. But when the relationship gets more serious, then each person should take turns paying.
    My thoughts exactly. He should play the gentleman (even if he's not).

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  13. #13
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    In general, I am of the opinion that the person who initiates the date pays for the date. My husband and I (also before we were married ;p) "take each other out" with the understanding that that person is paying. However, this is certainly not set in stone. We'll often split paying, or decide that one or the other of us is actually better-equipped financially to pay at that time.

    I don't think it should be "expected" to work out one way or the other. Be sure to bring payment with you until there's some kind of routine ^_~ As a woman, I would not expect the man to pay for me on a first date. I acknowledge that he probably will, but would not mind splitting. I would not, however, take kindly to being told that I'm paying for everything if he was the one to ask me out.

  14. #14
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dxon View Post
    WHY is IT CALLED "GOING DUTCH??"??! I'm dutch. And I'm sure that is meant in the bad way.
    If you ask a normal american where holland is he'll probably answer:
    "Next to Denmark, right?"

    On the going dutch back. WHY is it called like that?
    I prefer to call it paying both..
    Anyway.
    I think paying both is normal!
    Why?
    *Here goes*

    First of all. Women want to be treated like men. That's true. And thats why I just hit them back after they hit me. But then people go like: "You can't hit a girl!" I say "Sure I can. *Smack* They want to be treated like men. So I treat them like men."
    Women wanted to be treat like men, but they still come up with those old etiquettes about women. But that's just plain wrong..
    If they want to be treated like men. I make them pay, I slap them back and some others things that are manly.


    So "going dutch...." is normal since men pay, so do women now. End

    Plus.. We in Holland always pay both. Why? Since we want too. Not that we're to poor to pay full. No. We are both generous at a date. We split. If one says he/she wants to pay full. Then there is a fuss about it why and that the he/she also wants to pay or else he/she will be feeling like a leech. xD (honestly. That is true)

    You yourself solely give the meaning of "going Dutch". Besides, when you are 15 that's probably the only way you could take a girl out. Seeing as when you are that age, you can't legally hold a job and so are dependant on what your parents give you. When you grow up you will learn what it means to take a girl out on a date, and perhaps pay fully.

    Ofcourse I don't see a problem with going dutch, when in the company of friends, you just split the costs equally.. that saves you the trouble of having to keep track of who payed last. And when out in a club, you just give rounds. The most effective way I know.

    As for the first bit.. Women don't want to be "treated like men", most women would like to be viewed equal to men in a working and living society (which you, are not a part of yet).
    Not hitting a woman is related to something like, good upbringing or having some manners. You are presenting yourself like a little farmer's son, who knows no mannerisms.
    Ofcourse when it's all in fun and games, I see no harm in a playfull thwap on the arm, but fullout punching a girl on the arm, like I see today's young dutch whelps (boys) doing.. that's just not done.

    conclusion: you still have enough to learn
    Last edited by Ωmega; 03-08-2008 at 01:38 PM.

  15. #15
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    I don't think this is a hard question at all, it's common sense really.

    Would you call a male a pig if he didn't pay for you? Don't you think you are standing a little too high? I offer to pay, but usually the girl doesn't allow me too.

    You also have to realise now days, women are far more independent, and like it that way. I find at work when I offer to help lift or something along those lines the majority of women seem to get annoyed and make remarks like "I am capable of doing things!" The fact is women like to be more independent and like males to see this.

    At the same time if my date was a millionaire and I was on the doll, why shouldn't she pay? So in other words, I believe that article is rubbish, life isn't black and white and there certainly shouldn't be rules for things like this.

    For the record I would never date a girl who EXPECTED me to pay.
    Last edited by ███; 03-08-2008 at 10:28 AM.
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  16. #16
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    I think the guy should always pays on the first date and they should keep paying till its finnaly a real relationship like 8 months than the girl can pay sometimes two when i met my girlfriends i paid in they beginning and after we both paid for our things but most of the time i pay for her.


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  17. #17
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    Why do you have an aversion to women paying the dating bill? Are your male egos hurt by this? It's just a machismo thing. Well, let go of it. It's already 2008, not 1492.
    Last edited by Thingle; 03-08-2008 at 01:42 PM.



  18. #18
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    First date I don't usually pick her up, we usually meet. college girls are not to trusting, but I do pay for every thing, first-last on dates. unless we go to a mall to hang out then its every man for him self. I see a book store, anime shope, electronics store I gone! and they usually enjoy seeing me look at all the crap for some reason I tend to be funny while I shop. I read like 2 chapters of a book before I bought it. but you know.
    I try to be a southern Gentleman, paying for things, opening doors, and walking a step ahead is all apart of it. giving her your jacket when it is raining or cold. if you want to be the man in the relationship you should start from the beginning.
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  19. #19
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    Quote Originally Posted by demonplight View Post
    if you want to be the man in the relationship you should start from the beginning.
    ^ See, your post reflects an outdated machismo culture that should've died during the era of Female liberation.

    IMO, man and woman are the same. It's just the chromosomes. And if women expect chivalry, we men expect them to drop their claim to gender equality. Tit for tat.
    Last edited by Thingle; 03-08-2008 at 02:02 PM.



  20. #20
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    Quote Originally Posted by Thingle View Post
    IMO, man and woman are the same. It's just the chromosomes. And if women expect chivalry, we men expect them to drop their claim to gender equality. Tit for tat.
    This, honestly.

    If you ask, you pay unless you're asking "Can we go out to this place? " That's asking the other person to pay.

    Seriously, the relationship isn't equal if you expect the guy to act like a gentleman straight from the 50's but still keep your modern-day independence. They contradict each other.

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    I don't think its about being the male, or female, one will be the masculine, and one the feminine. if you want to be the masculine then act it. that is true of all relationships. if you want the part of one, take it. Indeed it "should" have died in the 50's but you know when it did start to die, divorces went up... so you know I am willing to bet that well the lack of a few things like the man being the man in the relationship probably helped lead to the increases in divorces, and seeing that I do not want to loss all my stuff in a divorce I think that I will do all I can to be in a relationship where each is playing its part, and each is happy.
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    well the rise in divorce came about mainly because both sides want the other to be the ideal husband or wife, but are unwilling to be the ideal husband or wife themselves.

    In my opinion, anyway.

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    Hmm my thoughts on dating etiquette are very...uhm not as lax...the men kinda have to be a gentlemen to women.

    It depends on the paying thing. If both are really close and've been going out for over a year (likey they were living together situation) then it would be either. But the first few dates are when they guy's need to pay.
    Derp.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Sanosuke23 View Post
    This, honestly.

    If you ask, you pay unless you're asking &quot;Can we go out to this place? &quot; That's asking the other person to pay.

    Seriously, the relationship isn't equal if you expect the guy to act like a gentleman straight from the 50's but still keep your modern-day independence. They contradict each other.
    Now you're implying that one side cannot refuse the other's offer. The mere act of accepting the invite indicates co-willingness.



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    Quote Originally Posted by Thingle View Post
    Now you're implying that one side cannot refuse the other's offer. The mere act of accepting the invite indicates co-willingness.
    No, saying "Will you go with me" implies, in my mind, that you're paying. "Will you take me" implies to me that you'll be dependent on the other person to pay.

    If you both decide to do something together and figure out the details together, then it's mutual.

    I fail to see how one side "can't" refuse anything.

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