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Thread: Wild and Tame

  1. #1
    Users Awaiting Email Confirmation Mighty Dragon is on a distinguished road Mighty Dragon's Avatar
    Gil
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    Default Wild and Tame

    She loves to wear black for her name is Yin
    She loves to wear white for her name is Yang
    They are twin sisters that look the same
    But one it wild and one is tame
    One loves kittens and hates mud
    The other hates flowers and loves blood
    They are the same but not the same
    For one is wild
    The other is tame

  2. #2
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    Gil
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    At first i thought, you were talking about one person, but when i kept on reading, i thought it was pretty interesting. I like it, I see you are a beginner. Keep up the good work.

  3. #3
    Senior Member Kamara Sagara has a reputation beyond repute Kamara Sagara has a reputation beyond repute Kamara Sagara has a reputation beyond repute Kamara Sagara has a reputation beyond repute Kamara Sagara has a reputation beyond repute Kamara Sagara has a reputation beyond repute Kamara Sagara has a reputation beyond repute Kamara Sagara has a reputation beyond repute Kamara Sagara has a reputation beyond repute Kamara Sagara has a reputation beyond repute Kamara Sagara has a reputation beyond repute Kamara Sagara's Avatar
    Gil
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mighty Dragon View Post
    She loves to wear black for her name is Yin
    She loves to wear white for her name is Yang
    They are twin sisters that look the same
    But one it wild and one is tame
    One loves kittens and hates mud
    The other hates flowers and loves blood
    They are the same but not the same
    For one is wild
    The other is tame
    This is a nice poem. It was a pleasant read. However, I would suggest adding some more contrasts between the two people because that was an interesting aspect of this poem. Also, while I believe you shouldn't change it much, but you should add an alternate line before the first, a hook to grab the reader. You just plunge into the poem, which doesn't hinder you too much, but it would help to have more of a "catalyst". Very good work though. I look forward to reading more.

    Kamara Sagara
    Last edited by Kamara Sagara; 02-05-2008 at 09:15 PM.
     
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    Gil
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