Seed

[Luzifer]

So you cried
Inside your mother’s mirror
When she gave grief to you
and you would hide
out there in the forest
where you thought you could be true
But there were only meadows
With things that danced around
With flesh and skin I found you
And watched you on the ground

And you died
And you gave your mom her hero
And she left your dad for him
And you lied
Out there in the forest
Hung up one a limb
And now that no one’s around
I will cut your body down
A fruit of sorts you were
And I’ll plant you in the ground

And you grew
Into an apple tree
And I rest in your shade
And if you knew
How lovely your fruit tastes
I wonder if you'd have stayed
But no it is too late now
As you vanished with the sound
But maybe in a while
I’ll meet you in the ground

[Tetsanosuke]

This poem makes me think mostly about a small story like set up. Her mother cheated on her father, she knew but didn't tell, and yet when she died and was alone, she sent herself to hell.

And how you explained burying her, with the words of saying how sweet she could have been. Alive and well, she could have been a prize, though if she nourished an apple tree, you could somehow compare such a taste with the succulence of the apple.

Then ending it off with how you know you'll eventually join her, it finished with the right beat, the right 'GUSTO!'. I quite enjoyed this one Luzy.

You deserve a stamp!

[Yugure's Goddess]

I liked it. It was a very interesting piece that seemed kind of dark and evil and twisted, but it's alright. I like evil and twisted. However, I do have a complaint: you change tenses too much where it doesn't seem to fit. Like when you're talking about burying her you go from future tense to past tense to things happening in the here and now withing just a couple of lines. I'm still trying to decide if you did that on purpose or not, but it bothered me a little bit.

Anyway, keep on writing. I can't quite pin it down but I like your peotry quite a bit for some reason. It's probably the second-person perspective you're always using. It's intriguing I think. That's not to say you don't write well overall, though.

Post more soon!

love
dani
dude

[Kamara Sagara]

This is a brilliant poem. It has a bizarre, dark perspective on a seemingly ordinary thing and makes it very intriguing to read. The contrast you use between a human event and a natural occurance was exquisitely done.

Again, good job. I hope you write more in the future. I look forward to more work from you.

Kamara Sagara