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Thread: Beyond the Planetary Moniker

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    Senior Member dark_is_light has a reputation beyond repute dark_is_light has a reputation beyond repute dark_is_light has a reputation beyond repute dark_is_light has a reputation beyond repute dark_is_light has a reputation beyond repute dark_is_light has a reputation beyond repute dark_is_light has a reputation beyond repute dark_is_light has a reputation beyond repute dark_is_light has a reputation beyond repute dark_is_light has a reputation beyond repute dark_is_light has a reputation beyond repute dark_is_light's Avatar
    Gil
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    Default Beyond the Planetary Moniker

    Born from the original life to breathe the sky, the original mind to ponder "Why?"
    the first eyes present to behold the first wisdom ordained to fold;
    I exist in purpose alone.

    Of all the things allowed of me: to be intangible in solidity,
    to be used and let it go, to suffer and never woe;
    I have become more.

    I am the deity of possibility,
    tyrant of vexation, a means to conquer nations,
    the catalyst of obsession, guru of the harshest lesson:

    I am the disparity of the human regularity,
    a discarded melon rind, a puzzle piece you will never find,
    buttress of the meek, the gilded statue that you seek:

    I am the demise of acroamatic ties,
    the manifestation of fears, reaper of callow tears,
    the fallout of dare, the switch for the electric chair:

    I am the bird so still on the windowsill,
    the palpitation of glee,
    the bare moment on the lee of perception's cherished company:

    I am known as dream.
    Last edited by dark_is_light; 02-02-2008 at 01:41 AM.
    I embrace all that humanity fears within.

    Our perception of the world allows us to perceive ourselves.

    Being different often means being alone.

    Some people try so hard to hide from the world, only to find that the world doesn't know they exist. Will you give up?

    I just graduated from the Psycho Ward, wanna play?

  2. #2
    Senior Member Kamara Sagara has a reputation beyond repute Kamara Sagara has a reputation beyond repute Kamara Sagara has a reputation beyond repute Kamara Sagara has a reputation beyond repute Kamara Sagara has a reputation beyond repute Kamara Sagara has a reputation beyond repute Kamara Sagara has a reputation beyond repute Kamara Sagara has a reputation beyond repute Kamara Sagara has a reputation beyond repute Kamara Sagara has a reputation beyond repute Kamara Sagara has a reputation beyond repute Kamara Sagara's Avatar
    Gil
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    Quote Originally Posted by dark_is_light View Post
    Born from the original life to breathe the sky, the original mind to ponder "Why?"
    the first eyes present to behold the first wisdom ordained to fold;
    I exist in purpose alone.

    ***Your first stanza is a pretty good beginning. It flows well.***

    Of all the things allowed of me: to be intangible in solidity,
    to be used and let it go, to suffer and never woe;
    I have become more.

    ***Also a nice stanza. The quality of paradox you utilize works well.***

    I am the deity of possibility,
    tyrant of vexation, a means to conquer nations,
    the catalyst of obsession, guru of the harshest lesson:

    ***Again, nice stanza. However "guru of the harshest lesson" is by far my least favorite description. Try to find an alternate route to achieve your original motive.***

    I am the disparity of the human regularity,
    a discarded melon rind, a puzzle piece you will never find,
    buttress of the meek, the gilded statue that you seek:

    **You have an interesting perspective going here. You use things like "a discarded melon rind" and "the gilded statue that you seek" yet also "a puzzle piece you will never find" and "buttress of the meek". Are you perhaps implying that the latter two I mentioned aren't as necessary as they seem? Or perhaps that this thing you are describing is both, reiterating the contradictions in the second stanza?***

    I am the demise of acroamatic ties,
    the manifestation of fears, reaper of callow tears,
    the fallout of dare, the switch for the electric chair:

    ***It is apparent that you own a thesaurus. Good for you! The last descriptions in the last two lines provide brilliant imagery to this stanza.***

    I am the bird so still on the windowsill,
    the palpitation of glee,
    the bare moment on the lee of perception's cherished company:

    ***The first line in this stanza is appealing. I like the alternate flow in this stanza compared to the last three, as well as your imagery.***

    I am known as dream.

    *This final line works. It really wraps up the entire poem and makes the "puzzle piece you will never find" fall into place.
    This was a well-written poem. It was pleasing to the ear because of the way it flowed. Good work.

    Kamara Sagara
     
    "Better than a thousand hollow words, is one word that brings peace."-Buddha




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