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Thread: Chuck Norris Jokes

  1. #1
    Junior Member riakage0 has a reputation beyond repute riakage0 has a reputation beyond repute riakage0 has a reputation beyond repute riakage0 has a reputation beyond repute riakage0 has a reputation beyond repute riakage0 has a reputation beyond repute riakage0 has a reputation beyond repute riakage0 has a reputation beyond repute riakage0 has a reputation beyond repute riakage0 has a reputation beyond repute riakage0 has a reputation beyond repute riakage0's Avatar
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    Default Chuck Norris Jokes

    What are some funny Chuck Norris jokes you've seen?

    Chuck Norris can believe its butter.

    Chuck Norris once walked down the street with an erection. There were
    no survivors.

    Chuck Norris once shot down a german fighter plane by pointing at it and yelling bang.

    They onced named a street Chuck Norris, but had to change it because of all the deaths it caused. You see, nobody crosses Chuck Norris and lives.
    Oceans are depthless
    Space is shallow
    Minds are deep
    but ...
    Nothing is forever
    - Matthew Legere

  2. #2
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    Quote Originally Posted by riakage0 View Post

    They onced named a street Chuck Norris, but had to change it because of all the deaths it caused. You see, nobody crosses Chuck Norris and lives.
    One I haven't heard. lol.





  3. #3
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    I just remembered another one.

    I once saw Chuck Norris kicking himself in the face. When I asked him why he said "I'm shaving" Apparently, the only thing in the world that can cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris.
    Oceans are depthless
    Space is shallow
    Minds are deep
    but ...
    Nothing is forever
    - Matthew Legere

  4. #4
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    Everyone got tired of this meme two years ago: Where were you?
    Ehhh, I dunno if I'll stick around. We'll see.

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  5. #5
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    Quote Originally Posted by Manhattan_Project_2000 View Post
    Everyone got tired of this meme two years ago: Where were you?
    Thinking up of new Chuck Norris jokes for the next two years of course.
    Oceans are depthless
    Space is shallow
    Minds are deep
    but ...
    Nothing is forever
    - Matthew Legere

  6. #6
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    Chuck Norris is so strong that his sperm is the size of full grown salmon.

  7. #7
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    The Ten Commandments of Chuck Norris

    Thou shalt not doubt Chuck Norris’ fighting ability.
    Thou shalt not utter falsities about Chuck Norris.
    Thou shalt watch thy back in Texas.
    Thou shalt vote Huckabee.
    Thou shalt heartily accept roundhouse kicks.
    When visiting Chuck Norris, thou shalt use his toilet paper.
    Thou shalt proclaim the manliness of Chuck Norris’ beard.
    Thou shalt pay homage to the Texas Ranger badge.
    Thou shalt visit the official website.
    Thou shalt accept the fact that Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

  8. #8
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    Chuck Norris' tiolet paper.


  9. #9
    Junior Member riakage0 has a reputation beyond repute riakage0 has a reputation beyond repute riakage0 has a reputation beyond repute riakage0 has a reputation beyond repute riakage0 has a reputation beyond repute riakage0 has a reputation beyond repute riakage0 has a reputation beyond repute riakage0 has a reputation beyond repute riakage0 has a reputation beyond repute riakage0 has a reputation beyond repute riakage0 has a reputation beyond repute riakage0's Avatar
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    Once, Chuck Norris was having some fun with a women in his truck. When suddenly, his sperm fell into the truck itself. Months later, a new truck was born from the old one. We now know this truck as Optimus Prime.
    Oceans are depthless
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    but ...
    Nothing is forever
    - Matthew Legere

  10. #10
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    Chuck Norris is so manly that when Bruce Lee called him out over some garbage he'd been saying, he promptly wrote Bruce Lee a letter in apology instead of trying to prove his words in the ring.
    Ehhh, I dunno if I'll stick around. We'll see.

    The List of Hate, My self-indulgent journal-thing.
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  11. #11
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    Chuck Norris doesnt wear superman pajamas superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas

    Chuck Norris doesnt read books, he stares them down till he gets the inforfmation out of them

    Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.

    When the boogeyman goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

    Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.

    Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.

    Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.

    If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.

  12. #12
    Junior Member riakage0 has a reputation beyond repute riakage0 has a reputation beyond repute riakage0 has a reputation beyond repute riakage0 has a reputation beyond repute riakage0 has a reputation beyond repute riakage0 has a reputation beyond repute riakage0 has a reputation beyond repute riakage0 has a reputation beyond repute riakage0 has a reputation beyond repute riakage0 has a reputation beyond repute riakage0 has a reputation beyond repute riakage0's Avatar
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    A gun sleeps with Chuck Norris under his pillow.
    Oceans are depthless
    Space is shallow
    Minds are deep
    but ...
    Nothing is forever
    - Matthew Legere

  13. #13
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    Chuck Norris was in fact the fourth wiseman, who gave jesus the gift of beard. Which he wore till the day he died.
    Two sides of the same coin; when happiness is unknown, sorrow has no meaning. The pain is lessened.

  14. #14
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    When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.


    A joke between my sister and I... Don't mind me.

  15. #15
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    I can't remember where I heard this one, but whatever.

    Me and Chuck Norris once went out for a drink. There weren't any bars open, so Chuck Norris just got out of the car and told me to wait. Sure enough, six months later, a bar was built. We each went in, ordered a shot, then Chuck burned the place to the ground. Over the roar of fires, I could hear Chuck yelling, "Always leave things the way you left them."
    Oceans are depthless
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    Nothing is forever
    - Matthew Legere

  16. #16
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    That one was pretty bad. It didn't even fit the chuck norris joke format.

    Chuck Norris isn't hung like a horse. Horses are hung like Chuck Norris.
    ^
    classic right thur
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  17. #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ball Tripper View Post
    That one was pretty bad. It didn't even fit the chuck norris joke format.

    Chuck Norris isn't hung like a horse. Horses are hung like Chuck Norris.
    ^
    classic right thur
    Well it wasn't mine, I heard it somewhere else.

    Chuck Norris' tears can cure cancer. But Chuck Norris NEVER cries.
    Oceans are depthless
    Space is shallow
    Minds are deep
    but ...
    Nothing is forever
    - Matthew Legere

  18. #18
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  19. #19
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    Chuck Norris once beat the sun in a staring contest. When the news spread, a ceremony was made to commemorate this event. This ceremony is called Night.
    Oceans are depthless
    Space is shallow
    Minds are deep
    but ...
    Nothing is forever
    - Matthew Legere

  20. #20
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    Chuck Norris.
    ████████████

  21. #21
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    Only Chuck Norris can delete the recycle bin.

    In the first Jurassic Park movie, the Tyrannosaurus Rex wasn't chasing the jeep. Chuck Norris was chasing the Tyrannosaurus AND the jeep.

    Chuck Norris can jump-start a car using jumper cables attached to his nipples.

    When Chuck Norris wants an egg, he cracks open a chicken.

    these are the frikin best ones i can find!
    Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
    XD

    (will be latching to this topic for lots of laughs)
    Over-saturating since '07



  22. #22
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    Prepare yourselves for the greatest joke EVER!!!

    If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you.

    (laugh like a crazy person at that)
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    The more the merrier!

  23. #23
    teed's Puppy International 4-8818 has a reputation beyond repute International 4-8818 has a reputation beyond repute International 4-8818 has a reputation beyond repute International 4-8818 has a reputation beyond repute International 4-8818 has a reputation beyond repute International 4-8818 has a reputation beyond repute International 4-8818 has a reputation beyond repute International 4-8818 has a reputation beyond repute International 4-8818 has a reputation beyond repute International 4-8818 has a reputation beyond repute International 4-8818 has a reputation beyond repute International 4-8818's Avatar
    Gil
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    .Chuck norris does not consider it sex unless the woman survives.
    .Chuck norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass at night.
    . There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck norris allowed to live
    .Chuck Norris is the reason why waldo is hiding.

  24. #24
    Senior Member Killapac has a reputation beyond repute Killapac has a reputation beyond repute Killapac has a reputation beyond repute Killapac has a reputation beyond repute Killapac has a reputation beyond repute Killapac has a reputation beyond repute Killapac has a reputation beyond repute Killapac has a reputation beyond repute Killapac has a reputation beyond repute Killapac has a reputation beyond repute Killapac has a reputation beyond repute Killapac's Avatar
    Gil
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    1. Chuck Norris' tears actually cure cancer....too bad he never cries.

    2. A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.

    3. There is no chin under Chuck Norris' Beard. There is only another fist.

    4. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

    5. There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.

    6. Chuck Norris invented Kentucky Fried Chicken's famous secret recipe, with eleven herbs and spices. But nobody ever mentions the twelfth ingredient: Fear.

    7. Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.

    8. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Chuck Norris once swallowed a turtle whole, and when he crapped it out, the turtle was six feet tall and had learned karate.

    9. Chuck Norris once challenged Lance Armstrong in a "Who has more testicles?" contest. Chuck Norris won by 5.

    10. When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.
    IDK:
     
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  25. #25
    Jose101's Chevalier #4 rubberbabybuggybumper has a reputation beyond repute rubberbabybuggybumper has a reputation beyond repute rubberbabybuggybumper has a reputation beyond repute rubberbabybuggybumper has a reputation beyond repute rubberbabybuggybumper has a reputation beyond repute rubberbabybuggybumper has a reputation beyond repute rubberbabybuggybumper has a reputation beyond repute rubberbabybuggybumper has a reputation beyond repute rubberbabybuggybumper has a reputation beyond repute rubberbabybuggybumper has a reputation beyond repute rubberbabybuggybumper has a reputation beyond repute rubberbabybuggybumper's Avatar
    Gil
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    Quote Originally Posted by Killapac View Post
    1. Chuck Norris' tears actually cure cancer....too bad he never cries.
    Twas already said by riakege0

    Quote Originally Posted by Killapac View Post
    5. There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
    Said by Int.


    Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.
    Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
    Last edited by rubberbabybuggybumper; 01-28-2008 at 12:14 AM.
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