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Thread: "Undine" OP01 to Aria (1st season, "The Animation") - Romaji & ENG corrections

  1. #1
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    Default "Undine" OP01 to Aria (1st season, "The Animation") - Romaji & ENG corrections

    "Aria", 1st opening theme to the 1st season of "Aria ~ The Animation"
    http://www.animelyrics.com/anime/aria/undine.htm

    I would like to submit the following corrections regarding the romaji transliteration and English translation (I've checked the posted kanji and kana against the CD single booklet, and there are no mistakes there).

    Corrections are BOLD UNDERLINED.

    ~*~

    First, the romaji transliteration (I use commas to designate the spacing breaks within each line of the original JPN - it's your call as to whether or not you find them appropriate).

    [Verse 1]
    Hoho wo naderu, yasashii kaze
    Namioto ni, yurarete
    Karada no naka, hodokete yuku yo

    Me wo tojite, miete kuru
    Kaze no yuku michi ga
    [Chorus 1]
    Saa, kogidasou, hikaru nami he
    Egao ga, sugu, koboreru
    Nee, tsutaeyou, kono tokimeki
    Kaze ni notte, anata no moto he
    Yuku wa, UNDINE
    [Verse 2]
    Kaze ga naide, furikaereba
    Yubae ni, terasare
    Kokoro made mo, somatte yuku yo
    [Chorus 2]
    Saa, kogidasou, haruka asu he
    Minamo ni, yume, hirogaru
    Nee, mitsukeyou, mada shiranai
    Takaramono wo, anata to isshou ni
    Sagasou, UNDINE
    [Coda]
    Sumiwataru sora he to, tori ga habataku yo
    Itsumo minareteta, keshiki na no ni
    Konna ni itoshiku, omoeru nante...
    ~*~

    Now, the English translation:

    Original Japanese (Verse 2, Stanza 2):
    Miagereba hibiki dasu
    Hoshi-tachi no uta ga
    Currently posted:
    If I look up, I hear an echo,
    the songs of the stars.

    Suggested correction:
    If I raise my eyes, it echoes forth
    The song of the stars

    Justification:
    The particle marker "GA" designates "hoshi-tachi no uta (song of the stars)" as the subject of the compound verb "hibiki dasu (to give forth an echo)". There is no particle marker "WO" marking "hoshi-tachi no uta" as the direct object of the verb "hibiki dasu". For that matter, there is no verb "kiku (to hear)". For the currently posted translation to be correct, the JPN would have to read something along the lines of (in prose): "Hoshi-tachi no uta no hibiki wo kiku".

    As for the translation of "miagereu (to raise one's eyes, to look above)", I find that "to raise one's eyes" makes for a better rendition because it falls in line with what I perceive to be the poetic sense conveyed by the lyrics (e.g., to raise one's eyes to the heavens) -- a completely stylistic call on my part.
    Original Japanese (Chorus 2):
    Nee, mitsukeyou mada shiranai Takaramono wo anata to isshou ni
    Sagasou, UNDINE
    Currently posted:
    Hey, let us discover the unknown treasures.
    Together with you
    as undines.

    Suggested correction:
    Hey, let us discover yet unknown treasures
    Together with you
    As undines.

    Justification:
    The adverb "mada (yet)" emphatically modifies the verbial "shiranai (unknown)", which in turn modifies the noun "takaramono (treasures)". As such, the lyric expresses a sense of foreshadowing (e.g., that they will eventually uncover the treasure/ share the experience).

    Original Japanese (Coda):
    Itsumo minareteta keshiki na no ni
    Currently posted:
    Although this scene is familiar to me,

    Suggested correction:
    Although this is a scene with which I have always been familiar,

    Justification:
    The adverb "itsumo (always)" emphatically modifies the adverbial "minareru (to become used to seeing, to become familiar with), which in turn modifies the noun "keshiki (scene)". As such, the lyric expresses a deeper level of "familiarity (minareru)" with the "scene (keshiki)".
    ~*~

    Comments and suggestions appreciated.

    Yoroshiku ne,
    -T.Zukumori

    Final Notes:
    When the old AnimeLyrics site was still active (back in 2003 or so), I discussed and offered an English translation for this song in the forums. However, due to the huge back-log of requests in the moderator's in-box, mine became one of the many submissions that never made it to the main website. When I saw this version posted by MazzieEowyn on the main site, I must say that I found the English translation remarkably similar in language and tone to my own original posts (including the mistake of "hibiki dasu", which was kindly corrected by another knowledgeable forum member). Nonetheless, that was a few years ago, and I am glad to see that AnimeLyrics has found a new home and that posts are being processed in a reasonably short amount of turn-around.

    As such, I offer my thanks to the new moderators and to all who have contributed to help keep this site alive and accurate.

  2. #2
    紺碧の闇
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    Your correction is approved, but, can you attach a txt file in another post along with the romaji and translation separate?

    I don't have time to go through it myself so I'll do this later... (need to go to internetless uni)

    祝! 『禁断の病棟』 アニメ化!

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    Done. Please see uploaded attachment.

    Thanks again,
    -T.Zukumori

  4. #4
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    *chokes Zukumori* You didn't need to TAB the lyrics and marginalise. in fact thereason why I wanted you to put it in a text file is that this forum doesn't support double-spacing, and it makes my work easier by just copy-pasting it to the appropriate fields.
    Last edited by AzureDark; 01-31-2008 at 12:50 AM.

    祝! 『禁断の病棟』 アニメ化!

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