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Thread: Shattered

  1. #1
    Member GaaraSandDemon has a reputation beyond repute GaaraSandDemon has a reputation beyond repute GaaraSandDemon has a reputation beyond repute GaaraSandDemon has a reputation beyond repute GaaraSandDemon has a reputation beyond repute GaaraSandDemon has a reputation beyond repute GaaraSandDemon has a reputation beyond repute GaaraSandDemon has a reputation beyond repute GaaraSandDemon has a reputation beyond repute GaaraSandDemon has a reputation beyond repute GaaraSandDemon has a reputation beyond repute GaaraSandDemon's Avatar
    Gil
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    Default Shattered

    Hm... I am so bad at poetry...

    Shattered, precious moments, that we dare not to speak of,
    Would it fit like a puzzle, that reality would dare not open,
    But shun it, while others gleam,
    They look to find an escape, an alternate way out,
    But it so happens to tap, tap into the begone and distinguished,
    Only to hear the heavens moan and time collapse,
    Collapse just to find ourselves on broken tiles,
    And earning the storm of rage...What will this bring...
    Don't hesitate Just act

  2. #2
    Senior Member chocovanilagal has a reputation beyond repute chocovanilagal has a reputation beyond repute chocovanilagal has a reputation beyond repute chocovanilagal has a reputation beyond repute chocovanilagal has a reputation beyond repute chocovanilagal has a reputation beyond repute chocovanilagal has a reputation beyond repute chocovanilagal has a reputation beyond repute chocovanilagal has a reputation beyond repute chocovanilagal has a reputation beyond repute chocovanilagal has a reputation beyond repute chocovanilagal's Avatar
    Gil
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    Default

    hello there ...well its kinda nice but frankly speaking u gotta rearrange all those lines and bring in life to this poem.. i understand u wanted us to reflect upon the question asked at the end but u gotta depict stuff much more clearly to give the readers a better idea to reflect and think about...well hope my advice helps and i really believe u can improve and make ur poem sound even more good and fabulous...well keep up the good work and looking forward for ur next poem....take care and good luck!


    ALWAYS PRACTISE JUSTICE!

  3. #3
    boopaloop! Daenerys has a reputation beyond repute Daenerys has a reputation beyond repute Daenerys has a reputation beyond repute Daenerys has a reputation beyond repute Daenerys has a reputation beyond repute Daenerys has a reputation beyond repute Daenerys has a reputation beyond repute Daenerys has a reputation beyond repute Daenerys has a reputation beyond repute Daenerys has a reputation beyond repute Daenerys has a reputation beyond repute Daenerys's Avatar
    Gil
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    Default

    For someone who can't spell or write anything coherently, you sure do type a lot.

    I wouldn't really listen to what someone says when they can't even spell or form functional sentances...

    Your poem was great. It flowed, it had substance, it had a theme, a visual. Most poems I've read in here lately don't make me think. They don't make me visualize. Yours did. It was well written.

    Although perhaps next time, lets not put it in special fonts, so it's easier to read, hm?
    making emo kids[/URL] cry since 1998


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