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Thread: Namida no Riyuu - School Days

  1. #1
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    Default Namida no Riyuu - School Days

    This is a touching song from the anime School Days. Actually, I think it's the only good thing about School Days.

    I'm confident of the romanji but the translation should suck and I may have taken a few too many poetic liberties. Any help would be appreciated. Thanks.

    痛みが胸を刺すの
    それでも嘘重ねた
    ささやく声は甘く
    想い止められないままに


    itami ga mune o sasu no
    soredemo uso kasaneta
    sasayaku koe wa amaku
    omoi tomerarenai mama ni


    Pain pierces my heart
    Yet the lies have piled up
    Your murmuring voice is so sweet that
    These feelings still won’t stop

    そばにいても不安な夜
    一番近い 言い聞かせて
    笑顔が見たくて すべて許した
    裏切りは いつか還る


    soba ni itemo fuanna yoru
    ichiban chikai iikikasete
    egao ga mitakute subete yurushita
    uragiri wa itsuka kaeru


    The night feels uneasy even though you are by my side
    Please convince me that you are the closest
    I forgave everything in my desire to see your smile
    And thus betrayal will return one day

    好きになることにおびえていた
    好きになることで傷つけた
    思い出にできず あおぐ空が
    まぶしすぎて 落ちる涙


    suki ni naru koto ni obieteita
    suki ni naru koto de kizutsuketa
    omoide ni dekizu aogu sora ga

    mabushi sugite ochiru namida

    I was frightened of falling in love
    I was hurt by falling in love
    Unable to turn these into memories I look up at the sky
    Which is so bright that it brings tears to my eyes

    痛みが胸に残る
    木漏れ日 揺れる記憶
    あの日が輝くのは
    今も好きだってことなの


    itami ga mune ni nokoru
    komorebi yureru kioku
    ano hi ga kagayaku no wa
    ima mo suki datte koto nano


    The pain remains in my heart
    Wavering memories like sunlight streaming through leaves
    Even now I still love
    That which brightened that day

    振り返れば孤独な朝
    絡めた指の ぬくもり、どこ?
    淋しいわけなら わかっているのに
    目を閉じて 見えないふり

    furikaereba kodokuna asa
    karameta yubi no nukumori, doko?
    samishii wake nara wakatte’ru no ni
    me o tojite mienai furi


    I look back to a lonely morning
    Where is the warmth from our entwined fingers?
    Understanding the reason I feel lonely
    I close my eyes pretending not to see

    愛されなくても愛したくて
    愛すれば愛されたくなる
    想いがあふれて ゆき場がない
    せつなすぎて 動けないよ


    aisarenakute mo aishitakute
    aisureba aisaretaku naru
    omoi ga afurete yuki ba ga nai
    setsuna sugite ugokenai yo


    Even if I'm not loved I want to love
    If I am to love then I want to be loved back

    My feelings well up but they have nowhere to go
    It hurts so much that I can’t move

    好きになることにおびえていた
    好きになることで傷つけた
    思い出にできず あおぐ空が
    まぶしすぎて 落ちる涙


    suki ni naru koto ni obieteita
    suki ni naru koto de kizutsuketa
    omoide ni dekizu aogu sora ga
    mabushi sugite ochiru namida


    I was frightened of falling in love
    I was hurt by falling in love
    Unable to turn these into memories I look up at the sky
    Which is so bright that it brings tears to my eyes

    愛されなくても愛したくて
    愛すれば愛されたくなる
    想いがあふれて ゆき場がない
    せつなすぎて 動けないよ


    aisarenakute mo aishitakute
    aisureba aisaretaku naru
    omoi ga afurete yuki ba ga nai
    setsuna sugite ugokenai yo


    Even if I'm not loved I want to love
    If I am to love then I want to be loved back

    My feelings well up but they have nowhere to go
    It hurts so much that I can’t move

    叶うなら もいちど 逢いたい

    kanau nara mo ichido aitai

    If I’ve a wish to be granted, it would be to see you just once more

    _______________
    Last edited by cranston; 01-03-2008 at 12:13 AM.

  2. #2
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    Ah lovely choice. I should also start working on Waltz myself.

    * '(something) ni dekinai' means you can't "make it into (something)", so this line means she can't put the sky into remembrance, even if it's too bright:-
    The sky I looked up to, though its memory never remains
    Is so dazzling, it brings tears to my eyes


    ** Yeah, it's best if you took the alternate one since I also interpreted that line that way.

    *** actually this is easier than you think - 'aisareru' is the passive form of 'aisuru'.
    So aisarenakute = aisuru + passive + negative + -te modifier for i-adj
    aisureba = aisuru + conditional -ba
    aisaretaku (naru) = aisuru + passive + -tai + change consenquence modifier for i-adj
    ...yeah, but don't worry, I also took that long to learn passive form myself.
    Even if I won't be loved back, I want to love
    If I am to love, I (then feel like I*) want to be loved back

    * - to allocate '-ku naru'
    ...something like that. That one above is very literal though, for the sake of explanation, so you apply the make-up from there.

    Yeah, I actually encourage poetic license, as long as it improves the delivery.

    祝! 『禁断の病棟』 アニメ化!

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    Nothing wrong with taking poetic liberties -- I prefer that sort of translation to the very literal kind, myself.

    >egao ga mitakute subete yurushita
    >I’ll forgive everything in my desire to see your smile

    "Yurushita" is past tense. Thus, "I forgave," not "I'll forgive."

    >suki ni naru koto ni obieteita
    >suki ni naru koto de kizutsuketa
    >I was frightened of that which I loved
    >I was hurt by that which I loved

    I would actually interpret "suki ni naru koto" as "falling in love," "koto" being a nominalizer for the verb phrase "suki ni naru" rather than a noun modified by "suki ni naru." Er, if that made sense.

    >itami ga mune ni nokoru
    >The pain has left in my heart

    "mune ni nokoru" is more like "remains in my heart."

    >me o tojite mienai furi

    "X furi (suru)" is "pretend to X/act like X" -- so in this case, "pretend not to see."

    And I think everything else has been pretty well covered by Azu-chan.

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    I only tend to help on the parts pointed out by the original poster, like I've done to your stuff often >_>

    Which is bad in this case because I know and love the song.

    祝! 『禁断の病棟』 アニメ化!

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    I'm going to have to look up references regarding passive forms and the -ba conditional. Thanks.

    Generally, both your posts make sense, but there's a couple ideas I'd like bounced around.

    1. 絡めた指の ぬくもり、どこ?
    As mentioned, I had two interpretations.
    a) I feel the warmth from our entwined fingers, but where are you?
    b) Where is the warmth from our entwined fingers?
    The second one is the more literal translation, whereas in the first I had a gut feeling. When I listened to the song, it seemed as if this line had two parts, and that there seemed to be some dropped words (kind of like the last line in the song). As if the full line is supposed to read something like 絡めた指の ぬくもり(感じた)、(しかしあなたは)どこ? Do you suppose I'm overthinking it?

    3. Just to confirm, dekizu in this case is another way of saying dekinai?
    2.>itami ga mune ni nokoru
    >The pain has left in my heart
    >>"mune ni nokoru" is more like "remains in my heart."
    That's what I used initially, "pain remains in my heart", but that seems to leave the next line "komorebi yureru kioku" hanging. I then thought that perhaps "yureru kioku" is the subject matter, hence the current translation "the pain has left in my heart wavering memories". What is your preferred take on these two lines?

    PS I'd deeply appreciate a 100% check of any translations I may post. I picked up Japanese through self study.
    Last edited by cranston; 01-01-2008 at 09:22 PM.

  6. #6
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    1. A-hah. I was once like you, I was splitting songs by virtue of pauses and lines, but then I realised most of the time multiple lines are part of a sentence, so we mustn't restrict ourselves to match each line of the translation with the lyric. You've done this okay anyway...

    I also need to tell you why there's a comma there to differentiate both your interpretations; most often, commas replace は. Then we have
    振り返れば孤独な朝
    絡めた指の ぬくもりはどこ?
    which is straightforward.

    If you wanna ask me about my own gut feelings, in that whole stanza, she (Sekai? Koto-chan? probably the former) reminisced about one morning. It was lonely because, as you said, Makoto wasn't there, but she was specifically mentioning the warmth of entwined hands. Although you have a point in saying the 'doko' should be one whole person (which may also make you sway to your interpretation if you didn't know it can be figuratively used for anything), the sheer mention of the warmth thingy already tells you about this. Dramatisation is kinda nice, not to mention that you probably thought too much of it and added unnecessary stuff (we all do over-deliberating at times anyway, I admit, I need to make up a name for it you'll see...).

    2. Actually you need to learn about "hanging nouns" that often occur in Japanese songs. Usually you can add a few stuff in like loosely-relating them to other lines around them (just to make them look nicer in English btw), but for this case, since 'nokoru' is "stay" and 'mune ni' is "inside my heart", you can't do anything to change this.

    3. Just recently we've talked about the -zu form in the Japanese board, here it is.

    祝! 『禁断の病棟』 アニメ化!

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    I've made amendments to the first post. Appreciate any further comments.

    However, the following stanza sounds awkward. Appreciate any suggestions for alternatives. Thanks.
    痛みが胸に残る
    木漏れ日 揺れる記憶
    あの日が輝くのは
    今も好きだってことなの

    The pain remains in my heart
    Wavering memories like sunlight streaming through leaves
    Even now I still love
    That which brightened that day

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    I think the particle missing in the second line is に, indicating the memories are wavering between the sunlight through leaves.

    That line is pretty challenging. I could now see Sekai looking at the trees and the rays of light and comparing them to memories, what comes through are the "brilliance" the good memories, but all shrouded by the leaves, the dark ones.

    祝! 『禁断の病棟』 アニメ化!

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    I hope to come back for a more comprehensive post when I have the time, but for now let me touch upon that happens to have been brought up and caught my attention.

    >あの日が輝くのは
    >今も好きだってことなの
    >Even now I still love
    >That which brightened that day
    Note that the 今も好きだってこと is colloquial for 今も好きだということ. Then I think you'll notice the structure「~のは~ということ(ということ=:= という意味)」. For example, 「雨が降るというのは、靴が濡れるということです」= When it rains it means your shoes get wet.

    あの日が輝くのは今も好きだってことなの
    That that day shines, means that I still love you (now)

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