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Thread: Ghost of You

  1. #1
    Senior Member Kakashi's First Love has a reputation beyond repute Kakashi's First Love has a reputation beyond repute Kakashi's First Love has a reputation beyond repute Kakashi's First Love has a reputation beyond repute Kakashi's First Love has a reputation beyond repute Kakashi's First Love has a reputation beyond repute Kakashi's First Love has a reputation beyond repute Kakashi's First Love has a reputation beyond repute Kakashi's First Love has a reputation beyond repute Kakashi's First Love has a reputation beyond repute Kakashi's First Love has a reputation beyond repute Kakashi's First Love's Avatar
    Gil
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    Post Ghost of You

    I put this up on my blog yesterday decided to put it up here and see what happens enjoy.

    All I can see is a ghost of you
    you smile at me in the hall
    I have to look away
    until the tears and heartbreak go away
    A stinging in my heart
    A lie that tore us apart
    I love it when I see you but when I do
    All I see is a ghost of you
    Of what I felt and what we had
    Days keep on going by
    and all I can do is wish that I wasn't being haunted by you
    Please loosen the grip you have on me
    I m down on my knees beging you please
    Stop haunting me
    With the Ghost of you that I always see


    Thank You Alphonse-kun I Luv you



    Family Members:
    Sister:_sakura-chan_
    Brother: FMA-Sama
    And of Course Brother:Alphonse-kun

  2. #2
    Users Awaiting Email Confirmation King_Shadow89 has a reputation beyond repute King_Shadow89 has a reputation beyond repute King_Shadow89 has a reputation beyond repute King_Shadow89 has a reputation beyond repute King_Shadow89 has a reputation beyond repute King_Shadow89 has a reputation beyond repute King_Shadow89 has a reputation beyond repute King_Shadow89 has a reputation beyond repute King_Shadow89 has a reputation beyond repute King_Shadow89 has a reputation beyond repute King_Shadow89 has a reputation beyond repute King_Shadow89's Avatar
    Gil
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    Default

    I think it is very good.
    Is this about your boyfriend or some one you realy cared about?
    What did I do so bad that my account is locked?

  3. #3
    Walking TaLL Lune Cy has a reputation beyond repute Lune Cy has a reputation beyond repute Lune Cy has a reputation beyond repute Lune Cy has a reputation beyond repute Lune Cy has a reputation beyond repute Lune Cy has a reputation beyond repute Lune Cy has a reputation beyond repute Lune Cy has a reputation beyond repute Lune Cy has a reputation beyond repute Lune Cy has a reputation beyond repute Lune Cy has a reputation beyond repute Lune Cy's Avatar
    Gil
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    The message is clear ^_~

    and all I can do is wish that I wasn't being haunted by you (1)
    Stop haunting me (2)

    these two lines mean pretty much the same...the (1) line is too long..and line (2) is too short...line (1) kinda kills the 'reading'..cause its long it takes u out of the poem..and line (2) makes u stop reading..so u kinda 'jump' to the last line instead of reading it in one 'flow'

    i know im not good in explaining ( english is not my first language) but i hope it helps ^^
    in general...the poem is good and nice ^^
    -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

  4. #4
    Senior Member Future_Defense has a reputation beyond repute Future_Defense has a reputation beyond repute Future_Defense has a reputation beyond repute Future_Defense has a reputation beyond repute Future_Defense has a reputation beyond repute Future_Defense has a reputation beyond repute Future_Defense has a reputation beyond repute Future_Defense has a reputation beyond repute Future_Defense has a reputation beyond repute Future_Defense has a reputation beyond repute Future_Defense has a reputation beyond repute Future_Defense's Avatar
    Gil
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    It's good, but I wish it was a little longer. Also, if you're going to rhyme, try to have the whole poem rhyme or not at all.
    Nøytral
    følelsesløs
    Min logikk kretser
    Blir skadet
    Ved en landeplage av følelser!
    Hva kan jeg gjøre?
    Alt jeg trodde jeg var ...
    Jeg er blitt mer.
    Mer menneske; et annet cog i maskinen av livet.
    Hvorfor kan jeg nyte dette?
    Jeg er så forvirret ...

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