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Thread: why is the guy always expected to do things for a woman?

  1. #1
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    Default why is the guy always expected to do things for a woman?

    i've been hearing my cousin grumble this question. pulling out the chair, paying the bill, helping her out of the car, picking her up for something and opening the door, stuff like that.

    here's what i think:

    i'd say that it's expected from them because people think that it is the "polite thing" to do.
    anyway, i think men should not always pay the bill. you both went to dinner and ate. so you should both pay.
    and there's nothing wrong with picking her up for something. especially if you invited her, so don't complain!
    as for pulling out the chair and helping her out of the car, i honestly dont like it. it makes us look lazy. and besides, we're not a cripple.
    too much fancy politeness and propriety makes me sick. O_O
    a little amount of it would be nice and would make me think that the guy is so nice. but too much of it would really make me sigh. and not the nice kind of sigh, mind you!

    -----> why are guys always expected to do things for a woman?

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  2. #2
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    A guy that does thing like that just a gentleman. Some guys do that too because many girls wants that kind of manner.
    Last edited by BuLmA; 11-21-2007 at 01:24 AM.




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  3. #3
    Senior Member Metronome has a reputation beyond repute Metronome has a reputation beyond repute Metronome has a reputation beyond repute Metronome has a reputation beyond repute Metronome has a reputation beyond repute Metronome has a reputation beyond repute Metronome has a reputation beyond repute Metronome has a reputation beyond repute Metronome has a reputation beyond repute Metronome has a reputation beyond repute Metronome has a reputation beyond repute Metronome's Avatar
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    IMO I think it's a kind gesture sure but girls nowadays might laugh or think it's weird for us guys to do something like that...I remember one girl got kinda mad and said she could open her own door....guess it all depends on the type of girl really. But also that's just like first-date type of manners after the first few dates all that crap would end =p. I'll leave you with a piece of advice a comedian once said "Chivalry is dead, and women killed it" ^_____^
    Samuraipanda [STAFF] 2008-04-02 00:26:25
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    What's wrong with a little good ol' fashioned chivalry?
    This goes back to men being the "dominant" or "sole provider" until recently...men felt they had to do everything for a woman because they were perceived as somehow less capable. Women were also looked at as prizes to be won so people would go out of their way big time to impress them.
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    The only thing I expect out of a guy is for him to just be himself! It is not fair for people to put on an act just to win you over ...then later the real them comes out!

  6. #6
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    I think it does not matter they are a women or not they have equal right women can and do act the way they please. I believe that a women should not be expect to do anything that a man is not.

    as you said the woman can sometime pay the bill LOL
    Last edited by Jose; 11-21-2007 at 01:29 AM.

  7. #7
    Senior Member Metronome has a reputation beyond repute Metronome has a reputation beyond repute Metronome has a reputation beyond repute Metronome has a reputation beyond repute Metronome has a reputation beyond repute Metronome has a reputation beyond repute Metronome has a reputation beyond repute Metronome has a reputation beyond repute Metronome has a reputation beyond repute Metronome has a reputation beyond repute Metronome has a reputation beyond repute Metronome's Avatar
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    I'd be damn pleased to have a girl that didn't mind paying sometimes =p well yeah...I had someone like that once heh someone who insists on getting you a b-day present and a cake even though you HATE b-day parties >.< and wants to buy YOU stuff because "that's why she has a job to buy things she wants for whoever she wants"...bah anyway yeah these aren't the hunter-gatherer or medieval days anymore woman can do mostly anything a man can do but it's really not about that I guess. It's more of a tradition standpoint I guess like an encoded thought guys have to be nice and perfect that first time around some guys are just naturally nice like that but....for the most part we wouldn't mind doing away with that "I have to pay" stereotype xD
    Samuraipanda [STAFF] 2008-04-02 00:26:25
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    Quote Originally Posted by bulmagenious View Post
    A guy that does thing like that just a gentleman. Some guys do that too because many girls wants that kind of manner.
    so you do it to annoy us?

    ^I'm a cold vanilla milkshake with poison in it.^
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    can you make me a siggy and avvy set?
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  9. #9
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    well back when there was chivalry, it was expected. But for today, women just don't wan to lift a finger. they want their dinner to be payed and yadda yadda yadda. Really, any girl who denies it, knows it it true.

  10. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by International 4-8818 View Post
    well back when there was chivalry, it was expected. But for today, women just don't wan to lift a finger. they want their dinner to be payed and yadda yadda yadda. Really, any girl who denies it, knows it it true.
    i do deny that! i want some independence too!!!

    ^I'm a cold vanilla milkshake with poison in it.^
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    can you make me a siggy and avvy set?
    im collecting. pm me if you can.
    thanks!

    --my collection--

  11. #11
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    Everyone is different. The times have changed so there is alot more openness. People are more opinionated and expect more. Me personaly I'm greatful for the little things in my life. Like my husband putting up the christmas tree for me. Buying my beer and snacks when I dont even ask. Kissing me when I dont expect it. Not a whole lot of people would apperciate such trival things. Not just women but men too. Thats life though.

  12. #12
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    LoL @ Int4 you sure know how to liven up a thread
    Samuraipanda [STAFF] 2008-04-02 00:26:25
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    Wow, how topical is this, I got into an argument with someone about this on the train recently.

    Some random woman, nothing wrong with her, asked for my seat and I refused. She then got annoyed and made a snide remark about people(meaning me, of course) having no manners. I asked her if she was injured or somehow infirm, and she said no. I asked why then should I stand up in a crowded train, inconveniencing both myself and the people in the immediate area for a stranger with nothing wrong with them.

    "Because I'm a woman."

    I'm sorry, but I don't believe in double standards. So, while remaining seated, I proceeded to explain to her that I refuse to give up my seat to a perfectly healthy and rather lazy stranger that has so far been annoying me profusely. Now, here is where I admit, I was grandstanding(grandsitting?) a bit, for lack of a better SFW word; I told her that the fact that my decision is irrespective of her gender shows more respect to Women's Suffrage than if I had given her my seat. The concept of giving a woman a seat, or opening the door for her simply because she is a woman is telling her "You are too fragile to do these things, let a man handle them." By giving up my seat, I'm either accusing women of being inferior or being subservient to women by claiming to treat them as equals but giving up my own comfort for the sake of their own. At this point another guy offered her his seat and gave me a look, I called him an enabling slave to the feminist regime and for the next couple of stops happily sat in uncomfortable silence.

    I myself will hold open a door for someone regardless of gender if I'm going through the door at the time, or if I see they have a lot of packages or something. That's proper manners. I will offer my seat to my friends or accquaintances, or to the elderly or infirm simply by virtue of them being either incapable of standing or because sitting would be healthier for them. I'll offer to pay for your food only if I like you. You'd think the fact that I don't care what gender you are would be considered a step towards equality, but most people that cry for equality in fact want superiority.
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    Here's a better question. And more accurate once you become an adult.

    Why do WOMEN always have to do thing for men? Cook, clean, etc...
    making emo kids[/URL] cry since 1998


  15. #15
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dorian Grey View Post
    Here's a better question. And more accurate once you become an adult.

    Why do WOMEN always have to do thing for men? Cook, clean, etc...
    I have lived with two women...I would be pleased if they had EVER done any of those things. If you do those things, will you marry me (if you're a woman)?
    Last edited by gyakusetsu; 11-21-2007 at 02:45 AM.
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  16. #16
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    Oh no she didn't lolol. Not all men expect the woman to cook and such I mean I can cook now cleaning I wouldn't prefer but living with my pops his little philosophy was to each his own meaning I had to clean and keep neat everything that was mine <.< including my bathroom etc. The only real thing i'd expect would to be taking more care of a child than I did. Not to say men can't nurture but...it's just not my thing I guess.

    Also while the women are doing all this physical labor cooking and cleaning what's the guy doing? out somewhere at a bar lounging? Or working 9 to 5 supporting the family /shrug all about ethics
    Last edited by Metronome; 11-21-2007 at 02:48 AM.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dorian Grey View Post
    Here's a better question. And more accurate once you become an adult.

    Why do WOMEN always have to do thing for men? Cook, clean, etc...
    In a healthy relationship, each partner assumes certain duties. I would expect whomever isn't doing all those things, not even sharing them, to be the sole source of income for the relationship. If both are putting in similar work hours, then those responsibilities should be shared, and if they aren't then you now know why there's so much infidelity and such a high divorce rate in the United States.
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  18. #18
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dorian Grey View Post
    Here's a better question. And more accurate once you become an adult.

    Why do WOMEN always have to do thing for men? Cook, clean, etc...
    it's funny. but true enough, it's almost the same thing.

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  19. #19
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    My post wasn't meant to be funny.
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  20. #20
    Senior Member gyakusetsu has a reputation beyond repute gyakusetsu has a reputation beyond repute gyakusetsu has a reputation beyond repute gyakusetsu has a reputation beyond repute gyakusetsu has a reputation beyond repute gyakusetsu has a reputation beyond repute gyakusetsu has a reputation beyond repute gyakusetsu has a reputation beyond repute gyakusetsu has a reputation beyond repute gyakusetsu has a reputation beyond repute gyakusetsu has a reputation beyond repute gyakusetsu's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dorian Grey View Post
    My post wasn't meant to be funny.
    Not all women, and many that I am around just simply do not conform to that stereotype. The days of women barefoot in the kitchen are long gone in my neck of the woods. While some of that may still exist in some parts, it does not here.

    I have a question for you...Why are the MEN expected to do yardwork, fix things ect.? There are no concrete answers to these questions, just old fashioned places in life that some have not grown past.
    Last edited by gyakusetsu; 11-21-2007 at 02:56 AM.
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  21. #21
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    I agree in that these are mere intangible thoughts towards how some relationships are. They are in fact stereotypes in this day and age and do not apply to all couples. It is interesting however to see such a widespread debate on the subject, yet no matter how it is talked through there will be no resolve in the minds of either party.
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  22. #22
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    It's chivalry, you see. While I personally don't like to be treated like a cripple, I still appreciate tiny little gestures like giving way to me. I don't think it's appropriate for girls to pay all the bills. It's as if the guy's ripping off the girl's money. But splitting is fine. And I don't mind paying every now and then. Just not with force.

  23. #23
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    Quote Originally Posted by bulmagenious View Post
    A guy that does thing like that just a gentleman. Some guys do that too because many girls wants that kind of manner.
    And the girl who lets the guy do all of it without bothering to help is a good-for-nothing pachyderm!

    I still hold the virtue of Gender equality over any kind of chivalry. That's why I like girls who insist on going dutch.
    Last edited by Thingle; 11-21-2007 at 04:01 AM.



  24. #24
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    To expect guys to do things and to take the initiative is really oldfashioned and imo the unwritten rule has just always been there, although people tend to tweak it every day. I have nothing against it but I think girls can do something for guys too.

    Dorian Grey is right btw... girls do a lot of things for guys too and that IS oldfashioned. What you do shouldn't depend on the old traditions but on what you yourself feel that you want to do.

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  25. #25
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    Quote Originally Posted by gyakusetsu View Post
    What's wrong with a little good ol' fashioned chivalry?
    This goes back to men being the "dominant" or "sole provider" until recently..
    But this work-gender distribution is actually a lot younger than most people think. It only goes back to industrialization. Before then, while it was true men generally worked the field and women generally worked the house, it was not like anyone had any choice in the matter. Someone had to work the field, and someone had to do the domestic stuff; so it became a matter of convenience that women generally worked the domestic stuff (to protect unborn children, keep in mind the low survival rate of infants back then, and the fact that you were expected to get like 10 children in a lifetime to help out with the farm), but be damn sure that when harvest came, they were not left in the kitchen while half the field was left to rot because there wasn't enough men around to harvest.

    Gender (in)equality, whatever one may think about it, is a consequence of industrialization, and the ability to choose your line of work. Before industrialization, it wasn't a choice, but a necessity for survival.
    Last edited by Eris; 11-21-2007 at 03:05 PM.



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