AnimeGalleries [dot] NetAnimeWallpapers [dot] ComAnimeLyrics [dot] ComAnimePedia [dot] ComAnimeGlobe [dot] Com

User Tag List

Closed Thread
Results 1 to 5 of 5

Thread: Help required - "Nijiro no X-Mas Eve"

  1. #1
    Senior Member
    AnimeLyrics Submitter Lv 2
    AceNoctali has a reputation beyond repute AceNoctali has a reputation beyond repute AceNoctali has a reputation beyond repute AceNoctali has a reputation beyond repute AceNoctali has a reputation beyond repute AceNoctali has a reputation beyond repute AceNoctali has a reputation beyond repute AceNoctali has a reputation beyond repute AceNoctali has a reputation beyond repute AceNoctali has a reputation beyond repute AceNoctali has a reputation beyond repute AceNoctali's Avatar
    Gil
    2,081.67
    Gender
    Mentioned
    2 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Latest Post
    03-20-2012 07:31 AM
    User Info Thanks / Tagging Info Gifts / Achievements / Awards vBActivity Stats
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    Location
    France
    Age
    31
    Threads
    20
    Posts
    108
    AL Lyrics
    18
    Rep Power
    42

    Default Help required - "Nijiro no X-Mas Eve"

    Hiya everyone, sorry to break the no-thread record here. ^^'


    Last year, I tried to translate in French a Tokimeki Memorial 1 song, "Nijiiro no X-Mas Eve" (Rainbow-coloured X-Mas Eve).
    That attempt was only partly sucessful, because some parts remained obscure to me.

    I gave another shot at it today, and tried to translate it in English as well.
    Aside from one part where I'm really not sure I've understood well (I'll come back to this later), the French translation went rather smoothly.

    I'm not that confident on the English version however, because somehow (probably because, while I can write English rather well, I'm not a native English speaker, and thus I don't have a full grasp at the language), I can't succeed rendering the romantic atmosphere of the song in several part of my translation.

    So, I'm asking you, if you please could get a look at it, and help me improve it before I try submitting it.


    ---------------

    Here's the Kanji version of the song :

    私のハートにリボンかけて
    飛び
    みたい まっすぐ あなたの胸に 

    いつもの 並木は魔法のツリー
    白いスプレー 街中 燥いでいるの


    指先に 息 吹きかけて
    凍える空 見上げた


    虹色のX-mas 恋してるX-mas
    キャンドルも風に揺れる

    あなたを思って 温かくなる
    この気持ちが ずっと続くように ねがい込めた


    寄り添う かップル追い越すたび
    羨ましく 思った 去年の
    X-mas Eve

    恋なんて でも 出来るかなぁ...
    諦めてた どこかで

    虹色のX-mas  憧れのX-mas
    去年とは ちょっと違う

    あなたが笑って 幸せになる
    この気持ちが いつか届くように ねがい込めた


    あなたと出会った それが最高の神様のプレセントね

    ジングルベルが鳴り響く街
    二人きりで 今年はじめての雪 見つめたいな



    ---------------

    And here is my English translation of it :

    Wearing a ribbon on my heart,
    I'd love to plunge myself straight within your chest


    The trees habitually bordering the streets, become magic Christmas Trees
    Covered with a white mantle (1), the whole town is in high spirits


    I blew on my fingertips,
    and gazed (looked) up at the frozen sky


    A rainbow-coloured Christmas, a Christmas where I'm falling in love
    Candles too are flickering (shaking) under the wind


    When I think about you, warmth flows inside me (2),
    I made the wish this feeling goes on forever


    On last year's Christmas Eve, each time cuddling couples passed,
    I felt jealous


    It looked like love, but was I really in love ?
    Somewhere, I gave up (3)


    A rainbow-coloured Christmas, a yearning Christmas,
    It will be a little different from last year


    When you smile, happiness flows inside me,
    I made the wish this feeling reaches you one day


    That we had the chance we met (4), that was God's present, don't you think ?

    In this town where jingle bells are resounding,
    I'd love to gaze at this year's first snow together, just the two of us.




    (1) I know it litterally means here : "covered with a white spray", but that just kills the magic and romantic atmosphere around this part, so I went the "white mantle" route.

    (2) Litterally translated, that part is : "I'm becoming warm", but I just don't find that good, so I went to that other translation instead.

    (3) That part, "恋なんて でも 出来るかなぁ... 諦めてた どこかで", is pure headache to me, I'm not sure of my translation on the 恋なんて でも 出来るかなぁ... , and simply don't understand the meaning of 諦めてた どこかで on here. T_T
    Help !

    (4) In French, I could get a nice translation of this. But I just can't get it right in English, and even that translation of this I came up with is clumsy IMO. Help required here too ! T_T


    Big thankies in advance for your help !!
    Last edited by AceNoctali; 11-15-2007 at 03:05 PM. Reason: Added another footnote I forgot.
    人の悲しみがわかる優しさと
    人の悲しみを救える勇気と
    人の悲しみに打ち勝つ力を
    『「ファイアーエムブレム:聖戦の系譜」のA-ランクエンディング』

  2. #2
    紺碧の闇
    AnimeLyrics Admin
    AzureDark has a reputation beyond repute AzureDark has a reputation beyond repute AzureDark has a reputation beyond repute AzureDark has a reputation beyond repute AzureDark has a reputation beyond repute AzureDark has a reputation beyond repute AzureDark has a reputation beyond repute AzureDark has a reputation beyond repute AzureDark has a reputation beyond repute AzureDark has a reputation beyond repute AzureDark has a reputation beyond repute AzureDark's Avatar
    Gil
    58,100.31
    Gender
    My Mood
    Busy
    Gifts Little Big Planet Sackboy Neko Tv Prinny
    Mentioned
    56 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Latest Post
    08-14-2014 04:37 AM
    User Info Thanks / Tagging Info Gifts / Achievements / Awards vBActivity Stats
    Join Date
    Nov 2006
    Location
    Brunei Darussalam
    Age
    29
    Threads
    24
    Posts
    1,200
    Blog Entries
    297
    AL Lyrics
    1043
    Rep Power
    890
    Gamer IDs

    PSN ID: azutsukimiya

    Default

    You're really good in looking at alternate but similar phrases or words to express some parts - that's really nice, turns you into a poetic-translator which I also am.

    I'll just help out with the places you indicated since I don't have much time.

    (3) You'd have to relate this with the previous stanza, which "describes" some people in love - which the singer laments on but then thinks about how she is able to do the same - until the person she sings this song for came about.

    That's love but... can I really do such things?
    But somewhere along the line, I gave up these doubts


    (4) That looks like a translation for 巡り合う which is one of the worst lines to translate... but alas, there's no meguri now, so it's easier! It's simply "How we met, [...]"

    祝! 『禁断の病棟』 アニメ化!

  3. #3
    Senior Member
    AnimeLyrics Submitter Lv 2
    AceNoctali has a reputation beyond repute AceNoctali has a reputation beyond repute AceNoctali has a reputation beyond repute AceNoctali has a reputation beyond repute AceNoctali has a reputation beyond repute AceNoctali has a reputation beyond repute AceNoctali has a reputation beyond repute AceNoctali has a reputation beyond repute AceNoctali has a reputation beyond repute AceNoctali has a reputation beyond repute AceNoctali has a reputation beyond repute AceNoctali's Avatar
    Gil
    2,081.67
    Gender
    Mentioned
    2 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Latest Post
    03-20-2012 07:31 AM
    User Info Thanks / Tagging Info Gifts / Achievements / Awards vBActivity Stats
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    Location
    France
    Age
    31
    Threads
    20
    Posts
    108
    AL Lyrics
    18
    Rep Power
    42

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by AzureDark View Post
    You're really good in looking at alternate but similar phrases or words to express some parts - that's really nice, turns you into a poetic-translator which I also am.
    My, thank you. Your compliment really makes me all embarrased. :blush:


    Quote Originally Posted by AzureDark
    I'll just help out with the places you indicated since I don't have much time.

    (3) You'd have to relate this with the previous stanza, which "describes" some people in love - which the singer laments on but then thinks about how she is able to do the same - until the person she sings this song for came about.

    That's love but... can I really do such things?
    But somewhere along the line, I gave up these doubts
    So it was that ? I understand MUCH better that part now.

    (Just in case I'm not misunderstanding -checked my French-English dictionary, but it only had one translation example of it-, by "somewhere along the line", you meant : "I don't know exactly when, but I gave up these doubts" ?)

    You're my saviour, thankies a lot for the clarification !!


    Quote Originally Posted by AzureDark
    (4) That looks like a translation for 巡り合う which is one of the worst lines to translate... but alas, there's no meguri now, so it's easier! It's simply "How we met, [...]"
    Ok, I see on this one too.


    Really, again, thanks a very, very lot for your help. I dunno if I'll be able to give you credits for your help on Animelyrics when I'll submit the song (I'll PM a lyrics admin for this question), but you don't mind if I give you credits when I'll publish the revised French version of it on my own website ?
    Last edited by AceNoctali; 11-17-2007 at 02:03 PM.
    人の悲しみがわかる優しさと
    人の悲しみを救える勇気と
    人の悲しみに打ち勝つ力を
    『「ファイアーエムブレム:聖戦の系譜」のA-ランクエンディング』

  4. #4
    紺碧の闇
    AnimeLyrics Admin
    AzureDark has a reputation beyond repute AzureDark has a reputation beyond repute AzureDark has a reputation beyond repute AzureDark has a reputation beyond repute AzureDark has a reputation beyond repute AzureDark has a reputation beyond repute AzureDark has a reputation beyond repute AzureDark has a reputation beyond repute AzureDark has a reputation beyond repute AzureDark has a reputation beyond repute AzureDark has a reputation beyond repute AzureDark's Avatar
    Gil
    58,100.31
    Gender
    My Mood
    Busy
    Gifts Little Big Planet Sackboy Neko Tv Prinny
    Mentioned
    56 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Latest Post
    08-14-2014 04:37 AM
    User Info Thanks / Tagging Info Gifts / Achievements / Awards vBActivity Stats
    Join Date
    Nov 2006
    Location
    Brunei Darussalam
    Age
    29
    Threads
    24
    Posts
    1,200
    Blog Entries
    297
    AL Lyrics
    1043
    Rep Power
    890
    Gamer IDs

    PSN ID: azutsukimiya

    Default

    The praise was because I feel that beginner t/lers do get too much on the literal side, and possibly throwing out the song's -meaning- in place of their so-called "accuracy", but bear in mind that different languages do not have direct relationships between some words and grammar, least to say.

    One good habit to do is to re-read the whole translation after you do it and see if the stanzas not just make sense but relates with each other, after all, more often than not a song tells a story.

    "(Somewhere) along the line" is an English expression (hm, I've translated a literal JP phrase with an EN expression... some people would push me to the fire with that, I'm too artistic) that roughly turns "time" into something with a physical semblance - see the translation used どこ which is strictly a place, and time is a non-physical noun, but as the singer actually asks for when not where, this expression is very suitable.

    For me, whoever helps me on Lyrics Discussion wouold be mentioned at the footnotes in my impending submission. It's not really required but it's courtesy I guess.

    祝! 『禁断の病棟』 アニメ化!

  5. #5
    Senior Member
    AnimeLyrics Submitter Lv 2
    AceNoctali has a reputation beyond repute AceNoctali has a reputation beyond repute AceNoctali has a reputation beyond repute AceNoctali has a reputation beyond repute AceNoctali has a reputation beyond repute AceNoctali has a reputation beyond repute AceNoctali has a reputation beyond repute AceNoctali has a reputation beyond repute AceNoctali has a reputation beyond repute AceNoctali has a reputation beyond repute AceNoctali has a reputation beyond repute AceNoctali's Avatar
    Gil
    2,081.67
    Gender
    Mentioned
    2 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)
    Latest Post
    03-20-2012 07:31 AM
    User Info Thanks / Tagging Info Gifts / Achievements / Awards vBActivity Stats
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    Location
    France
    Age
    31
    Threads
    20
    Posts
    108
    AL Lyrics
    18
    Rep Power
    42

    Default

    When I began translating my first Japanese sentences two years ago, I was all on the litteral side of the translation. But, after seeing how the translations were poor and/or mangled English (and French) sentences and thus didn't have a good flow, I realised a balance between litteral translation and adaptation to the destination language was necessary in order to make good translations of Japanese sentences.

    So, I wholeheartedly agree with you on this one. And, indeed, I agree with you on the "song being like a story" part as well.


    Ok, I see on the "somewhere along the line" bit. Thanks for the precision.

    On the credits, Lavabug replied me back on PM with the same answer as you (i.e., putting the credits in the footnote section). Ok then, since it's fine doing it that way, I'll make sure I'll give you credits for your help in my submission of the song.
    人の悲しみがわかる優しさと
    人の悲しみを救える勇気と
    人の悲しみに打ち勝つ力を
    『「ファイアーエムブレム:聖戦の系譜」のA-ランクエンディング』

Closed Thread

Thread Information

Users Browsing this Thread

There are currently 1 users browsing this thread. (0 members and 1 guests)

     

Similar Threads

  1. Help Required on Psyconaughts
    By Razor Clarence in forum Video Games
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: 10-20-2005, 03:25 PM

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts