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Thread: Original Fiction: Instinct Chap.5

  1. #1
    Junior Member Ucaediea has a spectacular aura about Ucaediea has a spectacular aura about Ucaediea has a spectacular aura about Ucaediea's Avatar
    Gil
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    Default Original Fiction: Instinct Chap.5

    Khalipso: Wow that wasn't long just about 8mins hmph

    Plenthara: Well we get three so it's not that bad plus we get two hours for lunch one for eating and one for sleep.

    Cady: I like love to sleep and gossip.

    Plenthara: Yeah Gossip for Two hours!

    Khalipso: I wish they had that when I was going to school. How old are you two?

    Cady: umm she's 17 and I'm 16.

    Khalipso: well ok I must get to the-

    Principal: You girls are late as of.....(*tardy bell rings*) now, Come with me, or your going to be in alotta of trouble.

    Plenthara: (sighs) Ugh

    Cady: (face starts to turn red)

    Khalipso: (come on think think can't let them get in trouble on my behalf) Um excuse me sir.

    Principal: Yes, what is it

    Khalipso: They were just tryin to help me get back to the office I'm-

    Plenthara: she's here to sub for Mrs. Oba.

    Principal: Is that so well..I guess I'd better get you two class(talks on walkie talkie) hey I'm sending Plenthara and Cady to get Class permits. Run along now and hurry to class.

    Khalipso:So how do I-

    Principal: -so your here for the substitution job then why are you outside here and not gettin the job?

    Khalipso: (becomes annoyed) Well before you cut me off again I was getting to that! I was told to take a tour of the school to see if I like it before applying.

    Principal: O really and which one of the Admistrators told you that.

    Khalipso: not sure it was Joie I think that's her name.

    Principal: (adjusts his glasses)Hmm very well then if you can show me a valid teaching permit then I will allow you to have the job.

    Khalipso: (**** not really suppose to use magic outside of school, but I gotta do this)( !POOF!) Here you are sir...O and what about the other people who applied for the job?

    Principal: they couldn't show me a permit so they were escourted off campus some tried to use a fake permit to get in, but I caught on that so I started getting strict on who we let on campus which is why I questioned you ,but seems your certified so you can come with me and fill out an application.

    Khalipso: Hey why would anyone fake a permit?
    Principal:The money

    Khalipso: Money heh heh

    Principal: You laugh,but because it is immediate in need. We are paying 50,000$ upfront.

    Khalipso (awed) (holy ,Oh the shopping I could do with that) I see

    Principal: That pays for you for the rest of the year. You ok? we're back at the office

    Khalipso: O yes I'm fine (50,000$$ big ones and all at once I'm think I'm going to faint)

    Principal: Holly give this nice lady a application please she's has the job....thank you for your time.

    Holly: Here you are (lets out a short chuckle) you must've had a permit, A valid one that is, couldn't have just came outta thin air could it...Ha ha ha thin air ha ha

    Khalipso: (Damn she really scared me for a second there) ok all done when do I start?

    Holly:Today let me call Mrs. Oba down to leave

    Khalipso: (wow this is a surprise I haven't even been home yet o well I guess six more hours can't hurt)

    Holly: Mrs. Oba, Well I was just going to call you

    Mrs.Oba: I Was just Informed by Principal West.

    Holly: Do you remeber how to get to the Class room from here? if not i can have someone escourt you

    Khalipso: No that's ok I can manage from here thanks though.
    (walks back to class room)

    Principal West: They are waiting for you go ahead go inside I would like to thank you Mrs..umm

    Khalipso: Kallie Miss. Kallie and thank you
    (opens door and walks into class)

    Plenthara: Yes! I knew it was you

    Cady: WHOO!

    Classroom: ( looks at Kallie suspicous)
    Last edited by Ucaediea; 11-06-2007 at 02:37 PM.

  2. #2
    Serenith's pet Crocodile Ichiro Matsuchani has a reputation beyond repute Ichiro Matsuchani has a reputation beyond repute Ichiro Matsuchani has a reputation beyond repute Ichiro Matsuchani has a reputation beyond repute Ichiro Matsuchani has a reputation beyond repute Ichiro Matsuchani has a reputation beyond repute Ichiro Matsuchani has a reputation beyond repute Ichiro Matsuchani has a reputation beyond repute Ichiro Matsuchani has a reputation beyond repute Ichiro Matsuchani has a reputation beyond repute Ichiro Matsuchani has a reputation beyond repute Ichiro Matsuchani's Avatar
    Gil
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    As a Play script, I'd give it a B-. As an original fiction, it could use a lot of work. Having only dialogue between characters give you only so much information of what's going on. You need to have descriptions of the setting, for starters.
    Sig by -Ookami-, thank you Ookami!

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  3. #3
    Junior Member Zhen has a spectacular aura about Zhen has a spectacular aura about Zhen has a spectacular aura about Zhen's Avatar
    Gil
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ichiro Matsuchani View Post
    As a Play script, I'd give it a B-. As an original fiction, it could use a lot of work. Having only dialogue between characters give you only so much information of what's going on. You need to have descriptions of the setting, for starters.
    Yea, I wan to get into it ,but it's a little hard lol

  4. #4
    Junior Member Ucaediea has a spectacular aura about Ucaediea has a spectacular aura about Ucaediea has a spectacular aura about Ucaediea's Avatar
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    Guess I'll have to rewrite it in story form , I'm lookin for some Artist also so when I get my webpage up for my manga.

  5. #5
    boopaloop! Daenerys has a reputation beyond repute Daenerys has a reputation beyond repute Daenerys has a reputation beyond repute Daenerys has a reputation beyond repute Daenerys has a reputation beyond repute Daenerys has a reputation beyond repute Daenerys has a reputation beyond repute Daenerys has a reputation beyond repute Daenerys has a reputation beyond repute Daenerys has a reputation beyond repute Daenerys has a reputation beyond repute Daenerys's Avatar
    Gil
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    Can you also fix your signature so it doesn't screw up the tables? It's really hard reading a fanfiction when I have to scroll to the left and right.
    making emo kids[/URL] cry since 1998


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