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Thread: Sonic the Hedgehog Fanfiction: Sonic And The 7 Chaos Orbs

  1. #1
    Senior Member ZeianStar has a reputation beyond repute ZeianStar has a reputation beyond repute ZeianStar has a reputation beyond repute ZeianStar has a reputation beyond repute ZeianStar has a reputation beyond repute ZeianStar has a reputation beyond repute ZeianStar has a reputation beyond repute ZeianStar has a reputation beyond repute ZeianStar has a reputation beyond repute ZeianStar has a reputation beyond repute ZeianStar has a reputation beyond repute ZeianStar's Avatar
    Gil
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    Default Sonic the Hedgehog Fanfiction: Sonic And The 7 Chaos Orbs

    This is my first fan fiction. I wrote my own story before but this is my first FF.

    Sonic And The 7 Chaos Orbs:
    Dr. Eggman stole the 7 chaos emerald and he made a gizmo to make
    emerald clones, but the emeralds had unlimted power that can't be cloned.
    The gizmo made 7 chaos orbs that had more power than the chaos emerald it self.
    Eggman was destroying Mobius with the orbs, but Sonic came to stop Eggman but
    the Orbs powers was to powerful. Then Omega stole the chaos emeralds and took it
    too Shadow and Rouge. Shadow said We got to go give these to Sonic and help him some
    how, Even I Shadow The Hedghog the " Ultmate Lifeform" can't beat this power.
    Shadow I heard of the Super Fusion spell but you need to use the emerald to do it and
    also Sonic needs to use this too. Well...thats what it said in that one book from
    Emerald Library. Where is that book now? It's still there i think, We have to go
    get it if we want to beat Eggman and his Chaos Orbs. HAHAHAH! Now time to finish
    you of once and for all Sonic. Megaton Hook!!!! Wait Knuckles you're hit, I'm
    fine but you're almost out of Energy I should take you back to Tails's Lab.
    We have to beat Eggman. NO! I want to but the old fart but he's to powerful.
    15 mins later at Tails's Lab.... Hey Sonic, Knuckles what happend out there?
    I heard that Eggman got some new Chaos Orbs. That's why I made Special Mythril
    Items. Mythril Gloves for Knucks, Mythril running shoes for Sonic, and last
    Mythril Jackets for Sonic and Knucks. Tails Sonic is going to faint so do
    you have anything to replenish sonic HP? Yes I do it's Miles GUM. Give it
    to me tails, Yes good as new now time to beat Eggman and his Chaos Orbs.
    Meanwhile at Emerald Library. Hey Rouge where is that book?
    It's around here somewhere just give me some time to look for it.
    We don't have all day Sonic could be done for by now. Wait I found it,
    here it is the It has the Mystic Chaos Emerald Fusion. It's never been
    done before but it shows how to do it. Now where could Sonic be now?
    He's must be at Tails Lab c'mon Rouge let's go. Kay Shadow...
    (Aon: This type of FF is getting boring so lets do it like this)
    Knuckles: Sonic, Tails I can see Shadow and Rouge from here.
    Tails: Hey Shadow, Rouge!!!!
    Rouge: Hey We've been looking for you, Me and Shadow found some fusion that can beat Eggman and his Chaos Orbs.
    Shadow: But We need the Chaos Emeralds to do it, here they are.
    Sonic: What how did you get the Chaos Emerald from Eggman's base.
    Rouge: Omega took it from him.
    Tails: So let me look at that book.
    Tails: Sonic, Shadow use the chaos emeralds than say CHAOS FUSION!!!!, well...thats what it says to do in the book.
    Shadow: When we fuse do our rings still run out?
    Tails: It says you don't loose rings.
    Sonic: Than let's try it.
    Tails: Hold on! We need a big space to do this. Why no go to Emerald Beach and do this?
    Shadow: Sounds good to me
    Sonic: Also sonuds good to me
    At Emerald Beach
    Rouge: Let's do the fusion spell now.
    Shadow: Ok! Sonic I'm ready when you are.
    Sonic: I'm ready 3, 2, 1 GOOOOOO!
    Tails: Place the Emeralds in a circle.
    Tails: Than stand inside the circle.
    Sonic: CHAOS FUSION!!!!
    Shadow: CHAOS FUSION!!!!
    Tails: Now you should be fused.
    Rouge: Tails stop looking at that book and look at Sonic and Shadow.
    Tails: Unbeliveble, all that power.
    Super Shadow Sonic: No time to go get that Eggman.
    Tails: Your voice is difrent, it's like Shadow's voice and Sonic voice are in one.
    Super Shadow Sonic: Tails give me the Mythril Weapons
    Tails: Here you go Sonic, Or what should I call you?
    Super Shadow Sonic: Just call me Super Shadow Sonic.
    Super Shaodw Sonic: When I was fighting Eggman Before I placed a tracking device on him.
    Tails: And looks like Eggman is in the Gimme Shelter lets go.
    At the Gimme Shelter
    Eggman: With this a can destory all of City Central includeing Sonic and his pals....
    Eggman: MUHAHAHAHAHHAAHAH! Where is the Chaos Emeralds? I left them right here.
    Eggman: Screw it the Chaos Orbs can destory the Chaos Emeralds one time.
    Super Shadow Sonic: Not Today Eggman.
    Eggman: What you are you? I thought this place was Top Secret..
    Rouge: Sonic and Shadow are fused now.
    Tails: They are more powerful than your Chaos Orbs.
    Eggman: Can't be Chaos Orbs full power.
    Eggman: What nooooooo!!!
    Super Shadow Sonic: Heya here Knuckles take the Chaos Orbs.
    Eggman: CRUSE YOU Sonic and Shadow!!!!
    Super Shadow Sonic: And Eggman you're going to Emerald Jail 50 floors underground.
    Tails: That mean you can't escape, because the guard robots there are on strict duty.
    Eggman: CRUSE YOU again Sonic and Shadow.
    Super Shadow Sonic: Hey Tails when do you unfuse again.
    Tails: In the book here is says just say Undo Chaos Fusion.
    Super Shadow Sonic: Undo Chaos Fusion.
    Sonic: I'm back
    Shadow: I'm also back.
    Knuckles: Tails give me that book, I'm taking this stuff to Angel Island.
    Knuckles: Where it will be safe from Eggman. Take care.
    Shadow: I'm going back to Club Rouge
    Rouge: Me too.
    Tails: I'll be at my lab
    Sonic: I'm just going to go take a snooze curse.
    Peace was back at Mobius eveyone could relax.
    All characters belong to there respective owners I do not claim any characters as my own.
    Fan-Fiction written by Aon Speed also know as EX Dragon and ZeianStar.
    2007-2008.



  2. #2
    boopaloop! Daenerys has a reputation beyond repute Daenerys has a reputation beyond repute Daenerys has a reputation beyond repute Daenerys has a reputation beyond repute Daenerys has a reputation beyond repute Daenerys has a reputation beyond repute Daenerys has a reputation beyond repute Daenerys has a reputation beyond repute Daenerys has a reputation beyond repute Daenerys has a reputation beyond repute Daenerys has a reputation beyond repute Daenerys's Avatar
    Gil
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    If its a fanfiction you should have labeled it with Fanfiction: Name of fiction

  3. #3
    Senior Member ZeianStar has a reputation beyond repute ZeianStar has a reputation beyond repute ZeianStar has a reputation beyond repute ZeianStar has a reputation beyond repute ZeianStar has a reputation beyond repute ZeianStar has a reputation beyond repute ZeianStar has a reputation beyond repute ZeianStar has a reputation beyond repute ZeianStar has a reputation beyond repute ZeianStar has a reputation beyond repute ZeianStar has a reputation beyond repute ZeianStar's Avatar
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    I did on the top "Sonic And The 7 Chaos Orbs" this thing is badly written because I had alot of thing in my head Fire Emblem tactics, family stuff.ect
    Ignore that. Tommorow I'm going to write a FF about Spider Riders with Transformers and a bit of Sonic ( Note: this might take about 2 - 5 weeks to write).



  4. #4
    Senior Member Hypergraphian has a reputation beyond repute Hypergraphian has a reputation beyond repute Hypergraphian has a reputation beyond repute Hypergraphian has a reputation beyond repute Hypergraphian has a reputation beyond repute Hypergraphian has a reputation beyond repute Hypergraphian has a reputation beyond repute Hypergraphian has a reputation beyond repute Hypergraphian has a reputation beyond repute Hypergraphian has a reputation beyond repute Hypergraphian has a reputation beyond repute Hypergraphian's Avatar
    Gil
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    Default

    I'll offer some general comments since I'm no Sonic Hedgehog expert and am unable to comment on the plot or tone.

    So here goes :-

    1) Please use line breaks. It drives people crazy and keeps people from providing a proper review because they can't read the story without having their eyes pop out in the process. What you can do is remember to use the enter button to create line breaks throughout your piece after you've copied and pasted it from a word document. You don't have to space after every line. But breaks every few lines especially in a conversational piece like yours is most welcomed.

    2) Minor grammar mishaps throughout the piece. For starters, your first line "7 chaos emeralds" unless you meant to say "7th chaos emerald".

    3) Your prose is a little muddled at parts and becomes unconversation-like. Basically, some conversations sound like the narrator's voice rather than the voice of the actual character. You also need to rethink your punctuation at some parts. Eg. "Ok! Sonic I'm ready when you are" which would be better as "Ok, Sonic! I'm ready when you are."

    4) Finally, spell check. Typos here and there but nothing that will really ruin the piece.

    On a final note, I think you've got the basics of a good fanfiction writer down. Although, I must say I'm not a fan of purely conversational pieces such as these. But I suppose if your aim was to create a comic-type fast read, its suitable.

    ~*Why don't they get tired, Because they're fools, Don't fools get tired, How can fools get tired?*~ www.hypergraphiansmuse.blogspot.com
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    "*Ninna* ~ Hatake - Sister-in-law"

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