Too Late

[*Lady_Kikyo*]

Its too late now
and youre the one
dying. Now you
know what its like
to be the only one crying.

You made me
feel like I was to
blame. Now you
suffer, you lost at
your own game.

You had me there
at the drop of a dime.
All you did was hurt me
and waste my time.

Its too late now to
fix your mistake.
Do you still think
that I was a fake?

I know you dont
because you want me
back. Now youre the
only one trying, and
its sad to see you
like that.

You had your chance
but acted on your
pride. Now its too
late, what we had
died.

[Ichiro Matsuchani]

That's a really strange way to organize lines in poetry. I think it would have been much more simple if you had separated your lines. For example.

Its too late now and you're the one dying.
Now you know what its like to be the only one crying.

That would have made it so much easier to read.

I don't have much to say about the poem, since you really didn't do anything wrong. I just got the feeling that you flat out told the reader everything. I think you need to make your points just a little more obscure by using metaphors, personification, and play-on-words phrases.

[niKopol]

Wow.. that made me feel like I did something wrong. But just work on the organization of it, not unless your trying to be unique by messing up purpose.

[*Lady_Kikyo*]

That's a really strange way to organize lines in poetry. I think it would have been much more simple if you had separated your lines. For example.
That would have made it so much easier to read.

I don't have much to say about the poem, since you really didn't do anything wrong. I just got the feeling that you flat out told the reader everything. I think you need to make your points just a little more obscure by using metaphors, personification, and play-on-words phrases.

i can see your point and i totally agree, i need to do some more thought out planning when i write sometimes. im terrible when it comes to metaphors and what not..but thank you.

[*Lady_Kikyo*]

Wow.. that made me feel like I did something wrong. But just work on the organization of it, not unless your trying to be unique by messing up purpose.

honestly i dont know what i was thinking when it typed it out..for some reason it looked good to me then, but now that i look back at it..it really doenst make any sence what so ever. lol..but hey..i tried lol..

[Capernicus]

I don't have much to say about the poem, since you really didn't do anything wrong. I just got the feeling that you flat out told the reader everything. I think you need to make your points just a little more obscure by using metaphors, personification, and play-on-words phrases.

Nooooo! It's simplisity is what makes me like it so much! I can understand it! :3



Lady Kikyou, do not double post. If you wish to respond to them both you can do multiquotes now, or you can just make the tags yourself.

[*Lady_Kikyo*]

lol thank you much ill keep that in mind.

[Shia_san]

nice. keep posting!

[.Lovebeat]

I think it's great! I like it when it rhymes x3
I find the way you organized the text a bit confusing at first but if you just read slowly you'll get the hang of it ;D
Keep it up!