Womens rules ABOUT Mens rules that women need to learn.
1. Women, learn to work the toilet seat.-No if its at MY house YOU put it down!
2. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not considered by us to be opportunities to see if we can find the perfect present . . . . again!-Uh..Yea they are..Women love gifts and any holiday that comes up is a great day for presents
3. Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.-Well, we want to be thought of when your not undressing us with your eyes..so think of us at church...no naughtiness
4. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.-Fine but Isn't it wierd that guys like to watch other guys tackel each other while playing with balls?
5. Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair, and by then you're stuck with her.-fine but when we look like cousin it we'll be snapping our fingers singing our last name.
6. Ask for what you want. Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!-We want you to remember what we like..get over it
7. We don't remember dates. . . .Period!!-Then get a calender
8. Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?-maybe you should put on a dress and see what it feels like to match for once
9. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.-Fine..What color are my eyes?."Yes"..hmmm..DUMPED
10. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.-NO..if thats what girlfriends are for then we should just be lesbian!
11. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.-maybe you should shhh..are you a Dr?
12. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.-fine then..i told my fitness coach to meet me after class for a little alone time last week..so there!
13. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.-fine..real men don't cry...and we don't want soap orpa..we want body builders
14. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We've been tricked before!!-we want to hear that we're beautiful...who says its not April 1st?
15. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.-think before you talk
16. Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it's genetic.-maybe we'll sow your eyes shut...who knows what you think when you look!
17. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.-stop being lazy and help us
18. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.-why?..freedom of speech hon..gonna talk when i want to
19. Christopher Columbus didn't need directions, and neither do we.-Are you a map? i don't think so
20. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out. Get over it. And quit whining to your girlfriends.-fine i'll go whine to a better man.
21. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.-Ok...i'll give you the big book of colors...
22. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.-fine but not in public thats embarrising..looks like you have crabs or a yeast infection
23. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.-well at least try to bend some spoons
24. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.-well maybe its your fault and we don't wanna hurt your feelings
25. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.-tell me want i wanna hear dumb*ss
26. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.-we listen to you while you rub our feet...It works itself out!
27. Foreign films are best left to foreigners. (Unless it's Bruce Lee or some war flick where it doesn't really matter what they're saying anyway.) Fine then we can watch the notebook..they have sex!!! there ya go
28. BEER is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.-fine when you buy a beer...buy me a purse!
Something else I found, I thought it'd be worth a laugh. I had Women's Rules That Men MUST Learn Somewhere, but I don't remember where. Thought it was a pretty funny find. FOUND IT!
Women's Rules That Men Need To Learn
2. Don't lie.-not even for your "Bro"
3. Never tape any of her body parts together.-eew...not asking
4. If guys' night out is going to be fun, invite the girls.-yea..we wanna know the dirt
5. The correct answer to "Do I look fat?" is never, ever "Yes."-exactly
6. Ditto for "Is she prettier than me?"
7. Victoria's Secret is good. Frederick's of Hollywood is bad.-yep
8. Ordering for her is good. Telling her what she wants is bad.-we can figure it out ourselves
9. Being attentive is good. Stalking is bad.-please don't follow me cause my leg might flick back into your privates!
10. "Honey," "Darling," and "Sweetheart" are good. "Nag," "Lard*ss," and "B*tch" are bad.-what a M***3* Fu*K3*
11. Talking is good. Shouting is bad. Slapping is a felony.-don't drop the soap
12. A grunt is seldom an acceptable answer to any question.
13. None of your ex-girlfriends was ever nicer, prettier, or better in bed.
14. Her cooking is excellent.-so go back for 2nds
15. That isn't an excuse for you to avoid cooking.
16. Dish soap is your friend.-you missed a spot
17. Hat does not equal shower, after-shave does not equal soap, and warm does not equal clean.-eew..smelly
18. Buying her dinner does not equal foreplay.-niether does buying her a drink
19. Answering "Who was that on the phone?" with "Nobody" is never going to end that conversation.-it was somebody..duh
20. Ditto for "Whose lipstick is this?"-grr
21. Two words: clean socks.-eeew..yellow toe-nails
22. Believe it or not, you're probably not more attractive when you're all sweaty.
23. Burping is not sexy.-but it can be funny
24. You're wrong.-all the time
25. You're sorry.-most the time
26. She is probably less impressed by your discourse on your cool car than you think she is.-uh huh
27. Ditto for your discourse on football.
28. Ditto for your ability to jump up and hit any awning in a single bound.
29. "Will you marry me?" is good. "Let's shack up together" is bad.-shack? thought it was your moms basement?
30. Don't assume PMS is the cause for every bad mood.
31. Don't assume PMS doesn't exist.
32. No means No. Yes means Yes. Silence could mean anything she feels like at that particular moment in time, and it could change without notice.
33. Never let her walk anywhere alone after 11pm.-she might get lost
34. Chivalry and feminism are NOT mutually exclusive.
35. Pick her up at the airport. Don't whine about it, just do it.
36. If you want to break up with her, break up with her. Don't act like a complete jerk until she does it for you.
37. Don't tell her you love her if you don't.
38. Tell her you love her if you do. Often.
39. Always, always suck up to her brother.
40. Think boxers. Silk boxers.-oo sexy
41. Remember Valentine's Day, and any cheesy "anniversary" she so names.
42. Don't try to change the way she dresses.
43. Her haircut is never bad.
44. Don't let your friends pick on her.