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Thread: Waterfall Mirror

  1. #1
    Ninja Jesus Yugure's Goddess has a reputation beyond repute Yugure's Goddess has a reputation beyond repute Yugure's Goddess has a reputation beyond repute Yugure's Goddess has a reputation beyond repute Yugure's Goddess has a reputation beyond repute Yugure's Goddess has a reputation beyond repute Yugure's Goddess has a reputation beyond repute Yugure's Goddess has a reputation beyond repute Yugure's Goddess has a reputation beyond repute Yugure's Goddess has a reputation beyond repute Yugure's Goddess has a reputation beyond repute Yugure's Goddess's Avatar
    Gil
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    Default Waterfall Mirror

    Okay, for anyone who recognizes the title: yes, I posted this poem a long time ago. However it was unfinished and, having no inspriation for some time, eventually I forgot to finish it and only recently remembered. I would like to know how the finished product comes across. I'm moderatly satisfied with it though I feel it's lacking a bit of something I can't quite figure out.

    But read it and give me your honest opinion, if you would be so kind, and yes.... I will shamefully admit that it's kind of emo. Just as a fore-warning.

    Waterfall Mirror

    I stand in its wake
    My dressings
    soaked to the skin,
    wading in and out of consciousness

    I watch, barely aware
    Distracted by my reflection
    something is there
    Something I don't like

    As the mist
    Condenses and Crashes
    All I can do
    Is stare, dumbfounded
    into nothing but water

    A liquidic reflection
    that reveals and taunts
    in a single breath
    while I struggle to catch mine

    The other side
    there must be something
    on the other side
    something solid and non-reflective

    I must find it
    I search
    earnestly and constantly
    though it eludes me

    I stand before the fall
    and look for my vanished reflection
    I fall before the mirror
    and look at where I stand

    Stones cover its surface
    and yet only disturbs it
    disturbed but it does not break
    Unbreakable and yet still I struggle for control

    I dance my number
    and release my pent-up hopes
    I am here looking but not finding
    spoken but not speaking
    falling through the emptiness

    I'm vanished in the mirror...
    I'm sinking to the ground...
    I'm breathing only water...

    And my reflection taunts me still...

    ~*~*~*~*~

    Thank you for reading!

    love
    dani
    dude
    Last edited by Yugure's Goddess; 07-08-2007 at 03:26 AM.
    Check out my wordpress blog:
    KamiYugure's Digital Notebooks



  2. #2
    Party Like A Rockstar! Devi has a reputation beyond repute Devi has a reputation beyond repute Devi has a reputation beyond repute Devi has a reputation beyond repute Devi has a reputation beyond repute Devi has a reputation beyond repute Devi has a reputation beyond repute Devi has a reputation beyond repute Devi has a reputation beyond repute Devi has a reputation beyond repute Devi has a reputation beyond repute Devi's Avatar
    Gil
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    Default

    I like it, keep up the good work!

  3. #3
    My love has come. Ari_86 has a reputation beyond repute Ari_86 has a reputation beyond repute Ari_86 has a reputation beyond repute Ari_86 has a reputation beyond repute Ari_86 has a reputation beyond repute Ari_86 has a reputation beyond repute Ari_86 has a reputation beyond repute Ari_86 has a reputation beyond repute Ari_86 has a reputation beyond repute Ari_86 has a reputation beyond repute Ari_86 has a reputation beyond repute Ari_86's Avatar
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    Default

    its really good, keep up the good work!


    Funny how? Funny like a clown? Do I amuse you?


  4. #4
    Senior Member ☆LadyKikyou☆ has a reputation beyond repute ☆LadyKikyou☆ has a reputation beyond repute ☆LadyKikyou☆ has a reputation beyond repute ☆LadyKikyou☆ has a reputation beyond repute ☆LadyKikyou☆ has a reputation beyond repute ☆LadyKikyou☆ has a reputation beyond repute ☆LadyKikyou☆ has a reputation beyond repute ☆LadyKikyou☆ has a reputation beyond repute ☆LadyKikyou☆ has a reputation beyond repute ☆LadyKikyou☆ has a reputation beyond repute ☆LadyKikyou☆ has a reputation beyond repute ☆LadyKikyou☆'s Avatar
    Gil
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    i really liked ur poem..but i kinda got fusrtated with all the " I this.." and "I that.."..ya kno?..but all in all its really good work.

  5. #5
    Ninja Jesus Yugure's Goddess has a reputation beyond repute Yugure's Goddess has a reputation beyond repute Yugure's Goddess has a reputation beyond repute Yugure's Goddess has a reputation beyond repute Yugure's Goddess has a reputation beyond repute Yugure's Goddess has a reputation beyond repute Yugure's Goddess has a reputation beyond repute Yugure's Goddess has a reputation beyond repute Yugure's Goddess has a reputation beyond repute Yugure's Goddess has a reputation beyond repute Yugure's Goddess has a reputation beyond repute Yugure's Goddess's Avatar
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    I guess I understand if the "I"s annoyed you... Anyway, thank you all for reviewing it and I do plan to write more, especially since I'm starting to get into a poetry funk again.

    love
    dani
    dude
    Check out my wordpress blog:
    KamiYugure's Digital Notebooks



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