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Thread: The countdown of a heartbreak

  1. #1
    The lonely wolf Howling Star has a reputation beyond repute Howling Star has a reputation beyond repute Howling Star has a reputation beyond repute Howling Star has a reputation beyond repute Howling Star has a reputation beyond repute Howling Star has a reputation beyond repute Howling Star has a reputation beyond repute Howling Star has a reputation beyond repute Howling Star has a reputation beyond repute Howling Star has a reputation beyond repute Howling Star has a reputation beyond repute Howling Star's Avatar
    Gil
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    Default The countdown of a heartbreak

    The countdown of a heartbreak

    The torn of the rose
    Came to close
    The torn of pain
    Made this bloodstain

    Sadness strikes once again
    And every now and then
    I don't know why
    What did I do slowly I say good bye

    I can't understand this world of confusion
    It's all an illusion
    But how to escape how to go away
    I am trapped I have to stay

    That's what my instinct says
    Like one thousand X rays
    are needed to see every scratch in my heart
    It's a mater or time till it will fall a part

    It's the count down

  2. #2
    Senior Member seraphic_demon has much to be proud of seraphic_demon has much to be proud of seraphic_demon has much to be proud of seraphic_demon has much to be proud of seraphic_demon has much to be proud of seraphic_demon has much to be proud of seraphic_demon has much to be proud of seraphic_demon has much to be proud of seraphic_demon has much to be proud of seraphic_demon's Avatar
    Gil
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    Getting better each post, just edit a couple of mispelled words and it's all set.
    ^^
    Thine soul is mine for the keeping
    As a thousand rivers now dividing
    Provides me with that much needed killing!

    Sig by: Jagan Eye

    Weep as much as you want, and feel the hands of despair groping for your soul, for nothing can ease the pain of losing your beloved, like the gentle thrust of my sword.

  3. #3
    Aritzia Lyne Sobriquet has a reputation beyond repute Sobriquet has a reputation beyond repute Sobriquet has a reputation beyond repute Sobriquet has a reputation beyond repute Sobriquet has a reputation beyond repute Sobriquet has a reputation beyond repute Sobriquet has a reputation beyond repute Sobriquet has a reputation beyond repute Sobriquet has a reputation beyond repute Sobriquet has a reputation beyond repute Sobriquet has a reputation beyond repute Sobriquet's Avatar
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    I like this poem. ^^




    Much love to Jagan Eye for the lovely set. <3

  4. #4
    Patapon Warrior zyronet has a reputation beyond repute zyronet has a reputation beyond repute zyronet has a reputation beyond repute zyronet has a reputation beyond repute zyronet has a reputation beyond repute zyronet has a reputation beyond repute zyronet has a reputation beyond repute zyronet has a reputation beyond repute zyronet has a reputation beyond repute zyronet has a reputation beyond repute zyronet has a reputation beyond repute zyronet's Avatar
    Gil
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    o__o
    Another sad story as always..
    This is good..

  5. #5
    Millicent Blanche dream magician has a reputation beyond repute dream magician has a reputation beyond repute dream magician has a reputation beyond repute dream magician has a reputation beyond repute dream magician has a reputation beyond repute dream magician has a reputation beyond repute dream magician has a reputation beyond repute dream magician has a reputation beyond repute dream magician has a reputation beyond repute dream magician has a reputation beyond repute dream magician has a reputation beyond repute dream magician's Avatar
    Gil
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    I got to say,you are really getting good at it,Train. Maybe you'll really make this as a living someday!
    Sets made by Mira Kaiba!!!^^


    An exchange for a little bit of happiness is a life shattering pain. Bend if you must not break.

  6. #6
    The Rogue... Hamashimura has a reputation beyond repute Hamashimura has a reputation beyond repute Hamashimura has a reputation beyond repute Hamashimura has a reputation beyond repute Hamashimura has a reputation beyond repute Hamashimura has a reputation beyond repute Hamashimura has a reputation beyond repute Hamashimura has a reputation beyond repute Hamashimura has a reputation beyond repute Hamashimura has a reputation beyond repute Hamashimura has a reputation beyond repute Hamashimura's Avatar
    Gil
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    Ah,Train,long time passed since I commented on your works...
    Let's see what you have here...
    Hm,let's see...You've gotten so much better already,good work...
    There are still some drop-in words,actually,just one:
    ~That's what my instinct says
    Like one thousand X rays~
    Well,this one...kinda,doesn't fit in the rest of your poem...
    Still,poem is pretty good,and it has that something in it that sadens me...
    Something that tells that this one is written based on something that you've experienced,something that happened to you had infulence on this one...
    Well,this is how I see it,tell me if I'm wrong...
    Good work indeed,you've really improved...
    Keep up,you just need to replace that what I told you about,and everything should do fine...
    Keep up^^
    ...a gift from Balance...the legend itself...

    ~ click the button,I dare you ~

  7. #7
    The lonely wolf Howling Star has a reputation beyond repute Howling Star has a reputation beyond repute Howling Star has a reputation beyond repute Howling Star has a reputation beyond repute Howling Star has a reputation beyond repute Howling Star has a reputation beyond repute Howling Star has a reputation beyond repute Howling Star has a reputation beyond repute Howling Star has a reputation beyond repute Howling Star has a reputation beyond repute Howling Star has a reputation beyond repute Howling Star's Avatar
    Gil
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    @Hamashimura all my poems are based on how I feel so they're all experience I think.

  8. #8
    Serenith's pet Crocodile Ichiro Matsuchani has a reputation beyond repute Ichiro Matsuchani has a reputation beyond repute Ichiro Matsuchani has a reputation beyond repute Ichiro Matsuchani has a reputation beyond repute Ichiro Matsuchani has a reputation beyond repute Ichiro Matsuchani has a reputation beyond repute Ichiro Matsuchani has a reputation beyond repute Ichiro Matsuchani has a reputation beyond repute Ichiro Matsuchani has a reputation beyond repute Ichiro Matsuchani has a reputation beyond repute Ichiro Matsuchani has a reputation beyond repute Ichiro Matsuchani's Avatar
    Gil
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    Long time, eh? My turn.

    This made NO sense to me. At all, really. To be honest, this almost seems like a step back for you. I read this, then I looked at the date, and I'm like ,"What? This is a new one? You're joking?". I think I got my point through.

    You're starting to make an old mistake again, which is throwing in random phrases that have random emotions expressed through them, amounting to nothing by the end of the poem. Poems usually amount to a single idea, yet it did not happen here. It's nice to have cool sounding lines and all, but if they don't add up, there's no point.



    P.S. Knowing how many people love your poems (sometimes beyond logic, no offense), I'm going to get plenty of bad-reppage for this. I'm only saying that you've written better than this. Oh yes, and you don't know how long I've been waiting to use that image again.
    Last edited by Ichiro Matsuchani; 06-22-2007 at 04:43 AM.
    Sig by -Ookami-, thank you Ookami!

    Elder Scrolls Oblivion: A Tale Retold

    http://www.animeforum.com/showthread.php?t=94454

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