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Thread: My Quiet Silence

  1. #1
    Member anime-na is a splendid one to behold anime-na is a splendid one to behold anime-na is a splendid one to behold anime-na is a splendid one to behold anime-na is a splendid one to behold anime-na is a splendid one to behold anime-na is a splendid one to behold anime-na is a splendid one to behold anime-na's Avatar
    Gil
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    Lightbulb My Quiet Silence

    Wrote this when I was 11... I've changed it a fair bit since, but it's basicly the same. Handed it in as a English project (Poetry) in Year. 7 and the comment said "Naomi is a nice girl, but this poem is distirbing, especialy for her age (at that time 12)." Then he tried to arranged a meeting with my parents... IDIOT!!!

    My Quiet Silence

    When I’m at home I have my own quiet silence.
    It breaks ordinary time of day.
    It’s settling, but dead.
    The sky is a blanket of life; white and blue.
    The only place where I am not.
    The air is thick and heavy, each gasp darkening your inside.
    The breath of rest, long sleep, forever darkness;
    What you call death.
    Every sundown hoping he will come for you,
    When finally he’s waiting.
    Without hesitation, we follow the night as the darkness falls,
    Noticing all my pain is left behind.
    He whispers softly;
    “Here your pillow will always be warm”.

    ..................................................

    I wrote it just after my Gran-nan died, she was 92 and I guess this is what I thought it could have been like? Every Christmas she would say to us (My sister 8, Me 10) "For Christmas I just want to die!" THE GOOD OLD DAYS, lol...
    Last edited by anime-na; 04-15-2007 at 02:33 AM.
    You must pay close attention. Watch as Integral fairs in battle… Integral tore through her own throat. She shed her own blood and chose to fight for her life. Giving in is what kills people. When you refuse to surrender with all your heart only then do you descend your humanity. Even in the face of death never give up! That is the strength of our master…


    Alucard - Master of Monster

  2. #2
    Serenith's pet Crocodile Ichiro Matsuchani has a reputation beyond repute Ichiro Matsuchani has a reputation beyond repute Ichiro Matsuchani has a reputation beyond repute Ichiro Matsuchani has a reputation beyond repute Ichiro Matsuchani has a reputation beyond repute Ichiro Matsuchani has a reputation beyond repute Ichiro Matsuchani has a reputation beyond repute Ichiro Matsuchani has a reputation beyond repute Ichiro Matsuchani has a reputation beyond repute Ichiro Matsuchani has a reputation beyond repute Ichiro Matsuchani has a reputation beyond repute Ichiro Matsuchani's Avatar
    Gil
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    As you probably know, poetry is used to describe situations, emotions, etc in nondirect and subtle fashions, often using a play-on-words type of writing style. With some poetry, finding the true meaning of the poem could either be mindlessly easy, or mindnumbingly difficult. In this case, I didn't find much of a meaning.

    When I first starting reading this, I was assuming that this was your outlook on the real world; Stress of the outside world, and the monotony of it. As I got a few lines into it, though, all it seems that you were talking about was death. Though I do understand that you were using the word death as a metaphor for the blandness of the place I think you were describing. Then, suddenly as if from no where, you mention this unknown male, and end it with a line that seems to have no relevence to the poem itself.

    In other words, this is an extremely obscure piece of poetry, and I just didn't get it in the slightest.



    Sig by -Ookami-, thank you Ookami!

    Elder Scrolls Oblivion: A Tale Retold

    http://www.animeforum.com/showthread.php?t=94454

  3. #3
    Member anime-na is a splendid one to behold anime-na is a splendid one to behold anime-na is a splendid one to behold anime-na is a splendid one to behold anime-na is a splendid one to behold anime-na is a splendid one to behold anime-na is a splendid one to behold anime-na is a splendid one to behold anime-na's Avatar
    Gil
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    Unhappy Ta

    lol... Thanx! I just edited a part in it, coz I accidently wrote "Every sundown hoping it will come for you" And I just changed it to "he", as in meaning death. Under the poem I wrote what I meant for the poem to mean(probably read that, sorry). Thanx 4 all the feed-back!!!

    When I’m at home I have my own quiet silence.
    It breaks ordinary time of day.
    It’s settling, but dead.

    MEANING: She's all alone

    The sky is a blanket of life; white and blue.
    The only place where I am not.
    The air is thick and heavy, each gasp darkening your inside.
    The breath of rest, long sleep, forever darkness;
    What you call death.
    Every sundown hoping he will come for you,

    MEANING: She's dying slowly, she just wants to have it over and done with

    When finally he’s waiting.
    Without hesitation, we follow the night as the darkness falls,
    Noticing all my pain is left behind.

    MEANING: She's finally died and "he", meaning death has taken her

    He whispers softly;
    “No more waiting, this is your new begining”.


    I didn't want to change it because I wrote it over 5 years ago, and I was a totally different person, but I see what you mean...
    BaHaHa... Sorry, its really not a great (or even good) poem. I just wrote it when I was 10, after my gran-nan died... Kinda the first death I'd ever experienced at the time, I'm alot more farmiliar with it now.
    Thanks for your detailed feed-back, I really apreciate it!!!
    You must pay close attention. Watch as Integral fairs in battle… Integral tore through her own throat. She shed her own blood and chose to fight for her life. Giving in is what kills people. When you refuse to surrender with all your heart only then do you descend your humanity. Even in the face of death never give up! That is the strength of our master…


    Alucard - Master of Monster

  4. #4
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    Actually, by putting spaces between the groups of lines that share a common meaning helped it make a little more sense. In other words, Stanza's.
    Sig by -Ookami-, thank you Ookami!

    Elder Scrolls Oblivion: A Tale Retold

    http://www.animeforum.com/showthread.php?t=94454

  5. #5
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    I'll second on that stanza comment, you wrote that when you were 11 right? It's really disturbing for some, especially for teachers, to hear (read) their young people talk about death. If the situation is unclear to them atleast.

    Either way, I kinda liked it, I lost all my poems when I was a kid. ^^ Good thing you still remembered it.
    Thine soul is mine for the keeping
    As a thousand rivers now dividing
    Provides me with that much needed killing!

    Sig by: Jagan Eye

    Weep as much as you want, and feel the hands of despair groping for your soul, for nothing can ease the pain of losing your beloved, like the gentle thrust of my sword.

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