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Thread: Original Fiction: Americus Girl Wonder

  1. #1
    Junior Member enchantixgirl24 can only hope to improve enchantixgirl24's Avatar
    Gil
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    Default Original Fiction: Americus Girl Wonder

    A girl with blonde hair and blue eyes(Americus) was walking with her friend with green eyes and brown hair(hallery) . They each have hair that go to the knees . There both wearing there school uniforms a white shirt ,blue flower in hair,cross neklace,blue skirt with light flowers on it heel shoes 1 inch high, cute blue socks.

    Americus-So how was your summer hallary ?
    Hallery-It was good you?
    Americus-Great I got the hang of everything so now I have to learn to dance with grace and love with japan fans.
    Hallery-Sounds hard
    Americus-its not really once you think about it
    Hallery-Um I'll think about it ok
    Americus-Ok

    I want to know how this is so far if you like it if you dont

    NOTE;This story is going on

    ok bye

  2. #2
    Star-Crossed Buruku has a reputation beyond repute Buruku has a reputation beyond repute Buruku has a reputation beyond repute Buruku has a reputation beyond repute Buruku has a reputation beyond repute Buruku has a reputation beyond repute Buruku has a reputation beyond repute Buruku has a reputation beyond repute Buruku has a reputation beyond repute Buruku has a reputation beyond repute Buruku has a reputation beyond repute Buruku's Avatar
    Gil
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    um..0_o

    I don't know where to begin, but I'll just say that the only thing you've done is vaguely describe two characters and then had them engage in a very brief conversation. So in order to give you a real opinion, it would be nice to see some kind of plot, there's not much to work with.

    Also your writing how a play would be written, not a short story.
    A MaruDashi Creation

  3. #3
    Junior Member enchantixgirl24 can only hope to improve enchantixgirl24's Avatar
    Gil
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    that is the way i write a story so live with it please

    ill write some more later today ok
    hi im enchatixgirl24 and i love sailor moon and winxclub.

  4. #4
    LUCKY DUCK Capernicus has a reputation beyond repute Capernicus has a reputation beyond repute Capernicus has a reputation beyond repute Capernicus has a reputation beyond repute Capernicus has a reputation beyond repute Capernicus has a reputation beyond repute Capernicus has a reputation beyond repute Capernicus has a reputation beyond repute Capernicus has a reputation beyond repute Capernicus has a reputation beyond repute Capernicus has a reputation beyond repute Capernicus's Avatar
    Gil
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    ....I agree with teh Brookeh. It was...very shallowly playish. Um....you lacked any kind of creative writting AT ALL. It is, I do decree, teh suxors.


    Back, by popular demand! Now with new avy.


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