Tear

[Howling Star]

I forgot how to smile
My last time it was a while
I can't stop crying
Even if im trying

Tears are droping from my face
I lost my pace
The pace to live my life
The goals for what I strive

Please offer me youre shoulder
Don't make me feel any colder
Please let me cry like this
You dont have to kiss

But please let me cry
Help me out together whe try
Maybe it wil work out
And then whe can be so proud

Please save me from this pain
Please erease this blood stain
The scar in my heart
Thats fall a part

[Ichiro Matsuchani]

I'm going to go ahead and put this with every post I make in this section.
I am NOT just going to say that the poem was good if it wasn't, and I won't give credit to where credit isn't due. The way I see this section is like this: People post peotry here so that others can read it and give advice. That's what I'm going to do.
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It doesn't seem to make much sense to me. It kinda seems that this was just thrown together randomly with a very sad emotion to it.

ON THE POSITIVE NOTE! You seemed to keep a steady metering, though it was getting more and more botched towards the end. ESPECIALLY the last line of the poem, whiched seemed a tad too short for the metering.

Something else I noticed. Some of those lines that you put in there didn't really match the main idea of the corresponding stanza, and the only thing that really tied it in was the rhyme at the end. Generally in most poetry, each stanza represents a different idea, emotion, taste, etc. As I said, some of those lines just seemed a little out of place.

You did keep a steady rhyme scheme throughout the poem, though I think you let it hold you back a little bit. Remember, not all poetry has to rhyme, and even if you have a certain rhyme scheme in one stanza doesn't mean that you have to have the same one in the next.

[Hellsing-Rules]

i like it it was from his heart i really like it keep going on writing poems ^.^

[Capernicus]

I'm with Ichiro on this one. Metering is like the biggest mistake poetry posters in this forum make. And, on top of that, it didn't really feel like there was a flow...like it was just thrown together. To quote a great man:

"Generally in most poetry, each stanza represents a different idea, emotion, taste, etc. As I said, some of those lines just seemed a little out of place. (Ichiro Matsuchani)"