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Thread: Taken by Force...

  1. #1
    The Poet Sword Tetsanosuke has a reputation beyond repute Tetsanosuke has a reputation beyond repute Tetsanosuke has a reputation beyond repute Tetsanosuke has a reputation beyond repute Tetsanosuke has a reputation beyond repute Tetsanosuke has a reputation beyond repute Tetsanosuke has a reputation beyond repute Tetsanosuke has a reputation beyond repute Tetsanosuke has a reputation beyond repute Tetsanosuke has a reputation beyond repute Tetsanosuke has a reputation beyond repute Tetsanosuke's Avatar
    Gil
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    Default Taken by Force...

    Hatred filled rays that death will pay,
    One's purity lost to lust and greed
    The power within ones moral decay
    Some gluttons reason lust's creed

    He took her by force,
    Unable to shake her offender
    He stuck onto his course
    She couldn't help but suffer

    What advice she gained
    From fear she lies again
    Towards her tears within
    That can sever her pain

    Taken before her time
    Her flowerous purity so sublime
    Tainted at that time
    The gluttons deeper chime
    He unfolded upon her his crime
    And no one saves her
    They not even cry

    But Inside the defender of the one so pure
    His rage burns a fury full
    He sees her shattered lies, no cure
    His soul descends and dies

    What is left for the lust?
    That crazy evil tender *cuss*
    He has but his pleasure to fuss
    And he leaves her there, her eyes full of mistrust

    Now and on the shattered dawn
    The crazy creeps pants don't sag
    For he has willed the act
    And the victim is so scared she lacks...
    Lacks what's necessary to bring him to justice
    No courage or thought towards the substance
    Such a pity thought by the rest
    Even though they pray for the best...

    Rape is but a fools crime,
    Those who act it ought to die
    For if they cannot think before them
    Then they have no place in the life ahead.


    Perhaps the world was never meant to make perfect sense.


  2. #2
    Little Miss Runaway ~Mithrosent~ has a reputation beyond repute ~Mithrosent~ has a reputation beyond repute ~Mithrosent~ has a reputation beyond repute ~Mithrosent~ has a reputation beyond repute ~Mithrosent~ has a reputation beyond repute ~Mithrosent~ has a reputation beyond repute ~Mithrosent~ has a reputation beyond repute ~Mithrosent~ has a reputation beyond repute ~Mithrosent~ has a reputation beyond repute ~Mithrosent~ has a reputation beyond repute ~Mithrosent~ has a reputation beyond repute ~Mithrosent~'s Avatar
    Gil
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    Wow.....I really liked it!!!!! Gosh I like all of your poems Tet. ^.^ It was full of passion at the end, Disgust in a way for people who commit Rape. I think we all feel that way and that poem shows it. Great job.
    ~Genivive~
    -Just tell me baby, Tell me I'm crazy, You know it's what makes your heart scream "Take me"..-Mithrosent



  3. #3
    Is it safe to come out? danie-chan has a reputation beyond repute danie-chan has a reputation beyond repute danie-chan has a reputation beyond repute danie-chan has a reputation beyond repute danie-chan has a reputation beyond repute danie-chan has a reputation beyond repute danie-chan has a reputation beyond repute danie-chan has a reputation beyond repute danie-chan has a reputation beyond repute danie-chan has a reputation beyond repute danie-chan has a reputation beyond repute danie-chan's Avatar
    Gil
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    That poem was really disturbing for me... It seems I'll never be able to make something so deep and passionate. Anyway, it was really good!!! I really love this poem!! The poem protrayed certain kinds of emotions that can be imagined by people who have never experience that kind of *injustice?* (did i get that right??) All in all, it's a great poem!!
    [ "danie"]

    [ [♥]Family ] [ [♥]Old ] [ [♥]New ]

  4. #4
    Millicent Blanche dream magician has a reputation beyond repute dream magician has a reputation beyond repute dream magician has a reputation beyond repute dream magician has a reputation beyond repute dream magician has a reputation beyond repute dream magician has a reputation beyond repute dream magician has a reputation beyond repute dream magician has a reputation beyond repute dream magician has a reputation beyond repute dream magician has a reputation beyond repute dream magician has a reputation beyond repute dream magician's Avatar
    Gil
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    Wow! i like it,you really care a lot about women.And it's so nice that you notice problems like this,Some people never did.

  5. #5
    Serenith's pet Crocodile Ichiro Matsuchani has a reputation beyond repute Ichiro Matsuchani has a reputation beyond repute Ichiro Matsuchani has a reputation beyond repute Ichiro Matsuchani has a reputation beyond repute Ichiro Matsuchani has a reputation beyond repute Ichiro Matsuchani has a reputation beyond repute Ichiro Matsuchani has a reputation beyond repute Ichiro Matsuchani has a reputation beyond repute Ichiro Matsuchani has a reputation beyond repute Ichiro Matsuchani has a reputation beyond repute Ichiro Matsuchani has a reputation beyond repute Ichiro Matsuchani's Avatar
    Gil
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    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Tetsanosuke View Post
    Hatred filled rays that death will pay,
    One's purity lost to lust and greed
    The power within ones moral decay
    Some gluttons reason lust's creed

    He took her by force,
    Unable to shake her offender
    He stuck onto his course
    She couldn't help but suffer

    What advice she gained
    From fear she lies again
    Towards her tears within
    That can sever her pain

    Taken before her time
    Her flowerous purity so sublime
    Tainted at that time
    The gluttons deeper chime
    He unfolded upon her his crime
    And no one saves her
    They not even cry

    But Inside the defender of the one so pure
    His rage burns a fury full
    He sees her shattered lies, no cure
    His soul descends and dies

    What is left for the lust?
    That crazy evil tender *cuss*
    He has but his pleasure to fuss
    And he leaves her there, her eyes full of mistrust

    Now and on the shattered dawn
    The crazy creeps pants don't sag
    For he has willed the act
    And the victim is so scared she lacks...
    Lacks what's necessary to bring him to justice
    No courage or thought towards the substance
    Such a pity thought by the rest
    Even though they pray for the best...

    Rape is but a fools crime,
    Those who act it ought to die
    For if they cannot think before them
    Then they have no place in the life ahead.
    Tet, since we're friends, I'm going to be completely honest with you; I found that hard to keep reading halfway through it, partially from it boring me. One problem I find with this poem is that it's unmetered; I know it doesn't have to be, but from what I read from the first stanza, I was expecting a metered poem. The first stanza was fantastic, by the way.

    By the time that you made it to the second stanza, I was kinda taken aback from the change in the metering, and then found out later that it was constantly changing. I know that you're trying to be creative, but sometimes a poem can be made more interesting if you keep a consistant style throughout.

    What you could also add to make it more interesting is a bit more sensory detail; such that are keen to ones senses. All I saw throughout was just a bunch of phrases keen to emotions, and that was it. For example, "Her flowerlous beauty so sublime". Most readers would find that excellent, merely from the usage of big words. Now, I am not poetry writer, but what would have made that more interesting is if you compared that to something of inanimate value; something of beauty.

    Now, don't get me wrong, I think this is an excellent poem, but I think you could have some diversity in the way you describe things.

    EDIT: Sorry, but I'm not going to post in here to simply get my post count up or to get rep, like some people. >_>
    Last edited by Ichiro Matsuchani; 03-09-2007 at 07:51 AM.
    Sig by -Ookami-, thank you Ookami!

    Elder Scrolls Oblivion: A Tale Retold

    http://www.animeforum.com/showthread.php?t=94454

  6. #6
    Mother of Uru's 5 Alicaryn Silentread has a reputation beyond repute Alicaryn Silentread has a reputation beyond repute Alicaryn Silentread has a reputation beyond repute Alicaryn Silentread has a reputation beyond repute Alicaryn Silentread has a reputation beyond repute Alicaryn Silentread has a reputation beyond repute Alicaryn Silentread has a reputation beyond repute Alicaryn Silentread has a reputation beyond repute Alicaryn Silentread has a reputation beyond repute Alicaryn Silentread has a reputation beyond repute Alicaryn Silentread has a reputation beyond repute Alicaryn Silentread's Avatar
    Gil
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    I never knew you were a writer Tetris, but I should have known. o.o;;; That is really deep, and really well written, and slightly disturbing. o.o;

    But I give you two thumbs up. =3

    And I don't do it for reps or post count, thanks you very much Ichi. x.X;
    Last edited by Alicaryn Silentread; 03-09-2007 at 08:22 AM.

    Sebastian is my new waifu. >w<!!

    Chronic WoW Player. ♥

  7. #7
    The Poet Sword Tetsanosuke has a reputation beyond repute Tetsanosuke has a reputation beyond repute Tetsanosuke has a reputation beyond repute Tetsanosuke has a reputation beyond repute Tetsanosuke has a reputation beyond repute Tetsanosuke has a reputation beyond repute Tetsanosuke has a reputation beyond repute Tetsanosuke has a reputation beyond repute Tetsanosuke has a reputation beyond repute Tetsanosuke has a reputation beyond repute Tetsanosuke has a reputation beyond repute Tetsanosuke's Avatar
    Gil
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    Thank you for the comments and the incite. I actually write on emotion really so when it seems to focus that way that's why.

    And i have many poems, I keep them all in my blog fyi. >.>

    ^^;;


    Perhaps the world was never meant to make perfect sense.


  8. #8
    Serenith's pet Crocodile Ichiro Matsuchani has a reputation beyond repute Ichiro Matsuchani has a reputation beyond repute Ichiro Matsuchani has a reputation beyond repute Ichiro Matsuchani has a reputation beyond repute Ichiro Matsuchani has a reputation beyond repute Ichiro Matsuchani has a reputation beyond repute Ichiro Matsuchani has a reputation beyond repute Ichiro Matsuchani has a reputation beyond repute Ichiro Matsuchani has a reputation beyond repute Ichiro Matsuchani has a reputation beyond repute Ichiro Matsuchani has a reputation beyond repute Ichiro Matsuchani's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Alicaryn Silentread View Post
    I never knew you were a writer Tetris, but I should have known. o.o;;; That is really deep, and really well written, and slightly disturbing. o.o;

    But I give you two thumbs up. =3

    And I don't do it for reps or post count, thanks you very much Ichi. x.X;
    Really? Because all you seem to do is say how good it is and nothing else. Just the way I see it, at least.
    Last edited by Ichiro Matsuchani; 03-12-2007 at 07:35 AM.
    Sig by -Ookami-, thank you Ookami!

    Elder Scrolls Oblivion: A Tale Retold

    http://www.animeforum.com/showthread.php?t=94454

  9. #9
    boopaloop! Daenerys has a reputation beyond repute Daenerys has a reputation beyond repute Daenerys has a reputation beyond repute Daenerys has a reputation beyond repute Daenerys has a reputation beyond repute Daenerys has a reputation beyond repute Daenerys has a reputation beyond repute Daenerys has a reputation beyond repute Daenerys has a reputation beyond repute Daenerys has a reputation beyond repute Daenerys has a reputation beyond repute Daenerys's Avatar
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    Closed because Ichigo can't seem to stop starting fights with people.

    PS: DONT QUOTE THE ORIGINAL POST, there is never a need for it in this forum.
    making emo kids[/URL] cry since 1998


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