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Thread: my fairytale

  1. #1
    Is it safe to come out? danie-chan has a reputation beyond repute danie-chan has a reputation beyond repute danie-chan has a reputation beyond repute danie-chan has a reputation beyond repute danie-chan has a reputation beyond repute danie-chan has a reputation beyond repute danie-chan has a reputation beyond repute danie-chan has a reputation beyond repute danie-chan has a reputation beyond repute danie-chan has a reputation beyond repute danie-chan has a reputation beyond repute danie-chan's Avatar
    Gil
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    Default my fairytale

    my fairytale

    a dream
    where i live

    a nightmare
    where i suffer

    a wish in the form of thoughts
    a yearning that can never be subsided

    visions that continue to haunt me

    and superficial desires that break me

    my fairytale is you
    and you alone

    you bring me hope when i'm shrouded in despair
    you show me sympathy when problems arise

    you became my fairytale

    a dream that i lived on on my heart

    you were my prince

    who saved me from anyone who tried to harm me

    you were my life

    and you became my nightmare

    the day that i longed to see
    became the day that i fear

    my fairytale

    it ended

    i thought that i would find a new fairytale

    but i never did

    because

    you

    still are

    my fairytale

    ----------







    "I LOVE BellZ!!!!"
    ----------
    “This fairytale is supposed to end with you dying and me crying…
    …but the fairytale ended the other way around…
    …with me dying and you crying.”


  2. #2
    Senior Member Serae has much to be proud of Serae has much to be proud of Serae has much to be proud of Serae has much to be proud of Serae has much to be proud of Serae has much to be proud of Serae has much to be proud of Serae has much to be proud of Serae has much to be proud of Serae has much to be proud of Serae's Avatar
    Gil
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    It's so deep. I like the emotion in it. This would have to be my favorite poem from you. Keep up the awesome work! =)

  3. #3
    Is it safe to come out? danie-chan has a reputation beyond repute danie-chan has a reputation beyond repute danie-chan has a reputation beyond repute danie-chan has a reputation beyond repute danie-chan has a reputation beyond repute danie-chan has a reputation beyond repute danie-chan has a reputation beyond repute danie-chan has a reputation beyond repute danie-chan has a reputation beyond repute danie-chan has a reputation beyond repute danie-chan has a reputation beyond repute danie-chan's Avatar
    Gil
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    Default

    thanks!! im happy that you liked it!!!!

    ----------







    "I LOVE BellZ!!!!"
    ----------
    “This fairytale is supposed to end with you dying and me crying…
    …but the fairytale ended the other way around…
    …with me dying and you crying.”

  4. #4
    Digital Plague bttr has a reputation beyond repute bttr has a reputation beyond repute bttr has a reputation beyond repute bttr has a reputation beyond repute bttr has a reputation beyond repute bttr has a reputation beyond repute bttr has a reputation beyond repute bttr has a reputation beyond repute bttr has a reputation beyond repute bttr has a reputation beyond repute bttr has a reputation beyond repute bttr's Avatar
    Gil
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    Default

    Thats a good poem Danie-chan.

  5. #5
    Is it safe to come out? danie-chan has a reputation beyond repute danie-chan has a reputation beyond repute danie-chan has a reputation beyond repute danie-chan has a reputation beyond repute danie-chan has a reputation beyond repute danie-chan has a reputation beyond repute danie-chan has a reputation beyond repute danie-chan has a reputation beyond repute danie-chan has a reputation beyond repute danie-chan has a reputation beyond repute danie-chan has a reputation beyond repute danie-chan's Avatar
    Gil
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    Default

    thank you!!!!!

    ----------







    "I LOVE BellZ!!!!"
    ----------
    “This fairytale is supposed to end with you dying and me crying…
    …but the fairytale ended the other way around…
    …with me dying and you crying.”

  6. #6
    Millicent Blanche dream magician has a reputation beyond repute dream magician has a reputation beyond repute dream magician has a reputation beyond repute dream magician has a reputation beyond repute dream magician has a reputation beyond repute dream magician has a reputation beyond repute dream magician has a reputation beyond repute dream magician has a reputation beyond repute dream magician has a reputation beyond repute dream magician has a reputation beyond repute dream magician has a reputation beyond repute dream magician's Avatar
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    Default

    i like it,too....so much.....
    And you are so good at it ,but it seems to me that you are heartbroken......

  7. #7
    Neverwinter Gnostic Luzifer has a reputation beyond repute Luzifer has a reputation beyond repute Luzifer has a reputation beyond repute Luzifer has a reputation beyond repute Luzifer has a reputation beyond repute Luzifer has a reputation beyond repute Luzifer has a reputation beyond repute Luzifer has a reputation beyond repute Luzifer has a reputation beyond repute Luzifer has a reputation beyond repute Luzifer has a reputation beyond repute Luzifer's Avatar
    Gil
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    Default

    I have some criticism and its one i find quite common so don't think i'm picking on you or anything. It is simply that the poet is too didactic. You are telling me how you feel but you don't show it to me. Poetry, in my mind, should be something ephemeral outside the reach of lazy hands with their noumenon-waxed fingers like sea weed grasping at fluttering fish. To declare one's thoughts and emotions is something wholy different from painting them. If one realies to much on the declaration poetry becomes nothing more then prose lacking grammar. But poetry is not that, and should never be that. By reading your poem, its obvious what your saying, in fact I don't have to think about it, its spelled out in black and white (technically gold and blue but who's counting?). You should try righting to not be heard. For the words gain in this a universaility of meaning but also an intimate specificness. Sure, the heartbroken forlorn sigh is easily heard but what more of its currents can be explored unless we stretch the bounderies of what can be called rational? or better yet, cast off such foolishness?

    Sorry if that got a bit rantish. But its something i think you could work on. Sorry.

    Thank you for your time
    Last edited by Luzifer; 02-24-2007 at 02:38 AM.
    The tragedy of life comes not from pain, despair, sorrow, or even death; but the constant annihilating amnesia that begs us to forget we live.


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