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Thread: My Despair

  1. #1
    Member lilly belle is infamous around these parts lilly belle is infamous around these parts lilly belle's Avatar
    Gil
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    Default My Despair

    I sit in the dark cell of despair
    Waiting for a savior, who isn't there
    It seems no one here gives a care
    I wait, and can feel my heart begin to tear
    The burden I carry, I cannot bear
    I dream of my love, handsome and fair
    Seeing his silky, golden hair
    I breathe the stank in the air
    As I look out the window, I can only stare
    The gallow man already is there
    A man with silky, golden hair
    A guard drags me into the cold October air
    I'm so cold, my arms and feet bare
    The rope around my neck, I stare
    My love with the silky, golden hair
    Turns out to be
    My despair
    Lilly Belle


  2. #2
    Senior Member cat lord3 will become famous soon enough cat lord3 will become famous soon enough cat lord3's Avatar
    Gil
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    Default

    beautiful, i love it
    I DIDNT DO It


  3. #3
    Junior Member Kite The .Hacker can only hope to improve Kite The .Hacker's Avatar
    Gil
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    Default

    im whimpering. so nice. thats the kind of poem i like.

  4. #4
    The Poet Sword Tetsanosuke has a reputation beyond repute Tetsanosuke has a reputation beyond repute Tetsanosuke has a reputation beyond repute Tetsanosuke has a reputation beyond repute Tetsanosuke has a reputation beyond repute Tetsanosuke has a reputation beyond repute Tetsanosuke has a reputation beyond repute Tetsanosuke has a reputation beyond repute Tetsanosuke has a reputation beyond repute Tetsanosuke has a reputation beyond repute Tetsanosuke has a reputation beyond repute Tetsanosuke's Avatar
    Gil
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    Default

    Hmmm... I see another low and cold poem here, well I'll rate it how it is then.

    I like how it kept to one rhyme, but it got somewhat redundant around the middle especially when you had to reuse words.

    But the flow wasn't bad and the spelling didn't have too many errors.

    So I'll give it a thumbs up.

    (^Now that's how to post a comment! Lol)


    Perhaps the world was never meant to make perfect sense.


  5. #5
    No.1 Maverick Korobi has a reputation beyond repute Korobi has a reputation beyond repute Korobi has a reputation beyond repute Korobi has a reputation beyond repute Korobi has a reputation beyond repute Korobi has a reputation beyond repute Korobi has a reputation beyond repute Korobi has a reputation beyond repute Korobi has a reputation beyond repute Korobi has a reputation beyond repute Korobi has a reputation beyond repute Korobi's Avatar
    Gil
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    Default

    Wow, that poem really got me in the end. Very nicely done! I really like poems or stories like that.
    Made by my lover ♥ Jagan Eye

  6. #6
    Little Miss Runaway ~Mithrosent~ has a reputation beyond repute ~Mithrosent~ has a reputation beyond repute ~Mithrosent~ has a reputation beyond repute ~Mithrosent~ has a reputation beyond repute ~Mithrosent~ has a reputation beyond repute ~Mithrosent~ has a reputation beyond repute ~Mithrosent~ has a reputation beyond repute ~Mithrosent~ has a reputation beyond repute ~Mithrosent~ has a reputation beyond repute ~Mithrosent~ has a reputation beyond repute ~Mithrosent~ has a reputation beyond repute ~Mithrosent~'s Avatar
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    Default

    I thought it was alright. It repeats a bit to much for my intrest. To some people its good. All in all it was good. i liked how it had a story to it and not just lines that ryhme. ^.^ Did it take you long to make it? (Curious)Kudos!
    ~Genivive~
    -Just tell me baby, Tell me I'm crazy, You know it's what makes your heart scream "Take me"..-Mithrosent



  7. #7
    Senior Member shikamaruluv13 has a reputation beyond repute shikamaruluv13 has a reputation beyond repute shikamaruluv13 has a reputation beyond repute shikamaruluv13 has a reputation beyond repute shikamaruluv13 has a reputation beyond repute shikamaruluv13 has a reputation beyond repute shikamaruluv13 has a reputation beyond repute shikamaruluv13 has a reputation beyond repute shikamaruluv13 has a reputation beyond repute shikamaruluv13 has a reputation beyond repute shikamaruluv13 has a reputation beyond repute shikamaruluv13's Avatar
    Gil
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    Default

    that poem is so beautiful i like it a lot

  8. #8
    Senior Member Sakura Holic has a reputation beyond repute Sakura Holic has a reputation beyond repute Sakura Holic has a reputation beyond repute Sakura Holic has a reputation beyond repute Sakura Holic has a reputation beyond repute Sakura Holic has a reputation beyond repute Sakura Holic has a reputation beyond repute Sakura Holic has a reputation beyond repute Sakura Holic has a reputation beyond repute Sakura Holic has a reputation beyond repute Sakura Holic has a reputation beyond repute Sakura Holic's Avatar
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    Default

    It's beautiful. I enjoyed it alot.


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  9. #9
    Senior Member Serae has much to be proud of Serae has much to be proud of Serae has much to be proud of Serae has much to be proud of Serae has much to be proud of Serae has much to be proud of Serae has much to be proud of Serae has much to be proud of Serae has much to be proud of Serae has much to be proud of Serae's Avatar
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    I like it also, but I have to say, it did bore me a little. I don't really like how all the ending words.... well rhyme all the same. It feels like the rhymes just stay the same....o.O; <Coughs.> I hope you know what I mean, or what I'm trying to say. Anyways.... It was still a lovely poem. ^.^
    Last edited by Serae; 02-11-2007 at 03:05 AM.

  10. #10
    Member lilly belle is infamous around these parts lilly belle is infamous around these parts lilly belle's Avatar
    Gil
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    Default

    It really didn't take too long to write. Thanks for ur interest and comment
    Lilly Belle


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