Boba Fett Defender of the Internets. Chapter one The good the bad and the sad
In the beginning Ale Gore created the internets and all was well. Freed from oppressive big trucks, this series of tubes would bring solace and smut to billions. But there was trouble in paradise and the F-chans and the factions of Outworld were soon at war with each other. The F-chans fueled by pocky and Hentai were equally matched with Outworld who drew their strength from Fatalities and whining about everything. For well over a hundred years the war raged stopping only occasionally for a game of world of warcraft, and the one thing the two could always agree: on hairless Asian pRoN.
However some did not fit into either of the mighty empires. Most notably were the Harry Potter fan girls and 43 year old men. Harry Potter was neither made in japan, or filled with ninjas so the F-chans would not accept them. And Outworld simply peed on their shoes and hardbound books in response to requested membership. So this splinter of the internets lashed out at both comminutes stealing and evolving one of the F-chans most potent weapons: the fan fiction. Outworld was at the mercy of the fan fiction, for Outworld (while made up of angry, often degenerate people) has pride, and thus were incapable or writing said fictions. It is unclear of who created the 'Lemon' but what is clear is that the 'Lemon' was so powerful a weapon Outworld was forced off Quiz sites forever. Leaving the F-chans the unholy union of Potter previously called the Church of JK to commence a grand game of roshambo.
However, Outworld has found a powerful alley, one capable of defeating, and more importantly, humiliating the enemy factions heroes. A mythical man known as Boba Fett defender or the internets! These or the chronicles of this mythic hunter, and his first ever commission from outworld..... kill harry potter. [/font]
Deep in the cold vacuum of the internets the space ship slave one was nestled serenely under a sea of “win a ps3" pop up ads. The green steel behemoth was shaped not unlike a picked clean human skull. A tall man lounged inside the small craft. He wore Green armor that seemed to scream a silent agony due to the extensive scars it had garnered throughout it’s hectic existence. The wearer of the armor was a tall muscular man, with dark tan skin and a hard face that resembled a mahogany carving. He was intently focused on the imagery flickering past his eyes as he Twittered his thumbs contenetly on a white and alien shaped pad. To his side sat a helmet, with a flat bottom and domed top. A small antenna poked through on the left side, but the most noteworthy feature of the green mask was the T shaped visor in it’s center.
A device in the center of the room hummed to life and projected a 3-D image of a man in a yellow tunic. From the outset he would look normal if not for his lack of pupils, two white marbles shown through the mans fearsome face. His mouth was hidden behind a black guard that tucked into the overarching hood that covered his head. All that was visible were two ghastly eyes, but one did not need anything more to know that the man was one of Outworld most revered members, general Scorpion.
The tan man glanced casually at the image, and smirked but did not stop rhythmically moving his thumbs on the alien pad.
“Care for a game of x box scorp,” the lounging man said.
Scorpion eyed the controller the best a man with no pupils can eye anything, than shifted his weight in an agitated fashion.
“This is no times for games Fett, we have another job that requires your skills.”
Scorpions liquid ice voice poured through the speakers and filled the room with a sense of seriousness. Fett sighed and set down his controller, he looked at Scorpion with a stone expression.
“So what is my mission this time,” the armored man said with no trace of humor in his voice.
Scorpion shifted again and pulled out a list from his tunic.
“This is a big one Boba,” he said staring at the list.
Boba eyed him and with a quizzical expression.
“How big are we talking Scorp?”
“The biggest, we may be able to put an end to one Oddworlds most troublesome foes. We have found the whereabouts of Harry Potter, and we feel if he is eliminated we could crush the Fan Girl uprising and disperse the UUP once and for all.”
Boba stood up and chuckled, he picked up the helmet laying on it’s side and shoved it on to his head. Then he turned toward the Slave One’s cock pit.
“Send me the coordinates,” he said without even turning his head.
“Excellent, you will receive them momentarily, Scorpion out,” and the image of demon fighter dissolved into the air.
Boba hunkered down into the pilots chair, flicking switched and turning knobs as he did so the vessel started to purr and then roar with the energy flowing through it’s metal chasse. It lifted out of the ads, stray pockets of pop ups dripped off the ship.
“Alright, lets make the rent,” Boba said under his breath to himself.
Than the Vessel made the jump to light speed and blinked out.
The Slave One emerged from light speed in the blink of an eye, the light that momentarily followed the craft fell away like blue confetti streaming off a speeding car. The ship headed toward it’s destination, Boba had intentionally warped in several websites short of his intended target. Boba flipped on his cloaking shields, that supposedly would jam all magic sensors. The leader of the UUP Harry himself would be arriving shortly on a small geocities account. The only question that remained was why, why would any hi ranking official, let alone Harry himself, go to a Geocities account? Boba knew whatever the reason it must have been of immense importance. Just four sites away now , he ceased his contemplating and focused on the task at hand. He had visual confirmation now, just like all Geocities it was small ugly and buggy, but unlike other sites it was shrouded in UUP fighter craft. Several mammoth ships lumbered about. The thing that had always Struck fett as strange about the UUP was that their battleships were made of stone held together by magic and fangirlism will alone.
They would be awe inspiring under ordinary circumstances. But if he wasn’t careful he would have fight these stone giants and that was a fight he simply couldn’t win, nor did he need to. They weren’t his target Harry was, he prayed his stealth field would continue to jam their radars. He flew low, taking no risks in drawing their attention. He intended to land on the site before they could, the element of surprise would prove invaluable if he was to be successful. He surveyed the surrounding area before he picked an empty patch to land on. The green skull that was the Slave One swung on to it’s back and let it’s engines slowly die away as it landed smoothly.
Fett stood up in the cock pit and made his way to the his equipment cache. Eyeing everything sharply to make sure he left nothing needed behind. He tucked a thermal detonator into a pouch on his belt. Then in a noiseless gesture hitched up his rifle onto his shoulder before turning to the exit ramp of his ship.
Boba hadn’t run into a single mod or member since setting foot on the site. It was bizarre, this place was a ghost forum why would Potter come here? Fetts mind raced as he darted from cover to cover taking no chances on being seen. From space he had seen one building and was heading toward it at flank speed. He started to fear he had parked too far away from his prey. But his worrying was quelled as soon as he saw a stone landing craft burning up the sky. Fett swivelled his head to follow it. He aimed his rifle at the ship and lined up his shot before quickly blasting off a shot. But not a laser bolt, no recorder the information gathered could be equally important as Potter.
He was roughly 500 feet away from the complex laying low behind some broken links. Listening in to the rather thrilling conversation in his head, no he hadn’t lost his mind the comlink he has shot was relaying the conversation through his helmet.
“You came, you came, just like I knew you would,” squealed a high pitch voice forcing Fett to recoil in his helmet at it’s sheer shrillness.
“Yes, I’m here now we need the story you promised us. It is imperative we get it now before Outworld strikes.”
“Potter,” Fett mumbled to himself, a smug satisfaction forming in the back of his mind. He would finally take down one of Outworlds greatest foes. But the battle wasn’t over yet it hasn’t even started, but it didn’t matter, Fett knew he would win no magic wielding fairy would ever conquer the might of his rifle. He gripped his Rifle tighter, a second longer and he would strike.
“Ah the story it’s done and tested, boy does it work! This lemon is so horrifically disturbing all the Outworlders who have read it have gone insane. Just curled up in a ball and cried,” she said with a tinge of satisfaction.
With those last shrill words Fett swung into action. He Jumped up the links falling too and fro, with a flick of his wrist his jet pack exploded to life. Hurling him forward, he aimed his rifle at Potter and fired. One of his Fangirl guard pushed him out of the way the bolt collided with the side of her head propelling the girl into a backwards spin. Fett’s feet collided with the platform in a hard jolt. His rifle held at waist level, he stared hard at harry.
Harry Scrambled to his feet and ripped out his wand. Fett raised his rifle to fire another shot but before he could Harry yelled diffindo, Fetts rifle was sheered in half. Fett pulled out a Plasma grenade but before he could throw it harry stepped forward. With a smile Harry pointed again and but this time chirped evanesco, the bomb simply vanished. Harry strut toward the frustrated hunter, a clear smirk on his face. He says diffindo once more, but Fett leaps out of the way and the spell hits the ground tearing it open. Potter is right on top of Fett now as he point his wand at his helmet.
“Any last words bounty hunter.”
“Just one, incendio,” Fett says with a tinge of humor.
Harry looks down at Fetts hands but it’s too late. His forefinger is already on his gauntlet, and with a quick jap he presses down. Fire Spits out of Fett’s wrist lighting harry’s robes on fire. He drops his wand and tears of the inflamed clothing. Boba hunkers down and picks up Harry’s wand. Harry now dancing the fire away in a vein attempt to relieve himself. Boba grabs him by the color with his left hand. And right in front of him Snaps his wand in half. Then with the same balled up fist smashed Harry right in the face. Harry is knocked out cold despite the flames nipping at his skin. The fangirl with the shrill voice lets out a scream of terror and runs to her fallen love. Boba heads toward the end of the landing pad and stops. He starts to fish around in his belt and pull out the thermal detonator he has packed earlier. With one swift motion he twists it on and hurls it over his shoulder at the incapacitated Harry and Screaming fangirl. Another flick of his wrist and his Jets erupt once more, he’s off gilding through the air. Suddenly an explosion from behind concluded the battle. He smirks as he lands and mutters to himself under his breath.
“Job’s done, now when do I get paid.”