I Couldn't

[koikazeflip]

when i was very young
before the time that i grew
i was taught if i tried
i could do anything i wanted to do

i grew up
and as time passed by
i quickly learned
that that was a lie

i couldn't speak in a crowd
i couldn't stop being shy
i couldn't stop destiny
we're all going to die

i couldn't swim
drive or ride a bike
i couldn't make friends
as easily as i'd like

i couldn't help but feel
everything i did was wrong
i couldn't help but feel
that i didn't belong

i couldn't help but be depressed
doing my final high school year
as if i would be forgotten
as if i was never here

as i walked into english class
i couldn't help but look
at the girl who sat next to me
my head and heart shook

we quickly became friends
i went everywhere she went
i couldn't imagine how much
her friendship meant

i couldn't understand
why she understood me
she knew who i was
and who i wanted to be

i couldn't imagine what
we went through that year
we became close friends
with moments to me so dear

how did she feel about me
does she really care
she couldn't possibly think of me
the same way i thought of her

i couldn't believe that
her date for the prom was me
for the first time in a long time
i could say i was happy

i couldn't believe
i was graduating today
and after the ceremony
she and i our separate ways

i had chosen a college
and with some crazy fate
she had chosen a college
outside of the state

the thought of leaving her
made me want to break down and cry
but i kept my composure
and we said our goodbye

i haven't seen her since
and i miss her very much
i'd do anything to catch
a glimpse or a touch

i will always regret
the one thing i wanted to do
i couldn't tell you then
but i love you

[Ichiro Matsuchani]

Those rhymes seemed terribly forced, and it seemed to flow in a very simple manner. You have the basics of poem writing now, you just have to take it to the next level. Sorry that I'm being harsh, but I have written a bit of peotry myself (None of them are posted here, I haven't gotten to doing that), and I'm just giving some advice.

Instead of just keeping it to the a-b-a-b rhyming scheme, try mixing it up a bit. Make it a a-b-b-a, for example and for the sake of keeping it simple. Otherwise, it's not a bad poem, and I give you a thumbs up overall.

[koikazeflip]

thanks for the advice..

yea.. im not really good with poetry.. this was more of a one time poem..

but again.. thanks for the advice..